My biggest parenting flex is having 'voluntarily involved grandparents'

"They enthusiastically join us on family vacations to look after the kids, too. Flex. Now you can hate me."

3 min read

April 30, 2024 - 10:40AM

Parenting

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People often ask me how I manage having three kids, the mental load, an occasional fourth child (aka my husband), and a part-time job.

The answer is always the two sets of grandparents willing and eager to help, day or night.

They do pick-ups and drop-offs, sleepovers, meal deliveries, and so much more. The love they give my children is endless, (as are the treats and screentime, but it's worth it).

I have since learned this is the "ultimate flex" in parenting, and I couldn't agree more!

“It isn’t the mum car, not how much you make a year. It’s not how well-behaved your kids are. The biggest flex is having involved grandparents. Voluntarily involved. Holy sh*tballs,” TikTok mum Kelsey said recently in a viral video.

“Having that midday struggle with my children, and then getting that text from grandma: ‘Hey, can I pick so-and-so up for a sleepover tonight?’ Funny you should say that. Her bag is never unpacked it. She’s ready!” she jokes.

“Nothing beats it. Nothing beats a grandparent that wants to do more than required to get that yearly Facebook ‘Happy birthday, Grandma’ post. You know what I’m talking about? They want to go above and beyond.”

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I may be over-flexing... slightly

In my case, this goes one step further.

With both grandparents voluntarily involved, it's resulted in 'healthy competition' where each family has to one-up each other to keep the admiration from their grandkids equal. Ultimately, it's my husband and I who reap the benefits.

If the boys sleep at one of the grandparents, the other set has to step in and insist on having them for a night to restore the balance.

Flex.

My in-laws offer to pick up the boys from school twice a week, and my mum will then jump in to do the same.

Flex.

On pick-up days, they bring them home fed, bathed, and in PJs, ready for bed.

Flex. Don't hate me after you read this (please).

Did I mention they voluntarily join us on family vacations, too?

Flex. Now you can hate me.

Me with my parents and kids on holidays. Source: supplied

"It’s kind of not common"

Kelsey also points out that her situation with involved grandparents is not the norm. I get it - and I genuinely believe that if not for my parents and in-laws, I wouldn't have had a third or even consider a fourth.

"The worst part is ... it’s kind of not common. You hear a lot of the time how people don’t have help, and I am sorry. That f*cking blows. Who doesn’t want to be involved with their grandchildren? Who? Anyways, I digress. I know it’s true. Having the village actually involved. Top tier. Winning," she concludes.

Thankfully, many families responding to the clip are like me and couldn't wait to gush about their village in the comments.

“Never realised how lucky our family is that every single grandparent wants to be as involved as possible," one mum wrote. "We see all grandparents every week - not in an annoying way, in a way that I am here to help (while we work) or watch them practice sports or stop by to team them with said sports on other days or whatever we need. It's lovely."

"My parents live 30 minutes away and are obsessed with our toddler. I can't even begin to explain how big a help it is. I’m grateful every day for grandma and grandpa," another shared.

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"I go into a rage of jealousy"

Others lamented that they wished for even half a flex from their parents.

"Wish I had that flex. I need to adopt some grandparents," one mum cried.

“I find it interesting that my mum always had me and my brother with our grandparents. Weeks, summers, spring break... and yet, she isn’t the kind of grandparent that she so heavily relied on. She never takes my son, no sleepovers, I had to ask her to babysit, and she shows up late and leaves early,” a second shared.

“100% I’ve never been a jealous person, but when someone says ‘I’ll just drop them off at my parents, ’ I go into a rage of jealousy,” another half-jokingly admitted.

Research has shown having involved grandparents is a mutually beneficial relationship. Studies have shown that children who have close bonds with their grandparents are less likely to experience depression as adults and have a better understanding of themselves and their parents.

To the voluntarily involved grandparents, we salute you.