'Every week I go to my daughter's grave and tell her I'm sorry'

A Victorian mother was told her daughter had asthma - but it took four years for the right diagnosis to come, and tragically, it was then all too late.

Josephine Agostino

3 min read

November 16, 2023 - 3:17PM

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When she took her then 13-year-old daughter, Aachal, to the doctor to investigate her breathing difficulties, Areshma was concerned but relieved to know how to help her child.

“They said she has asthma,” the Wodonga mum tells Kidspot.

“So there was medication she could take and we thought that was enough.”

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Devastatingly, not only was it not ‘enough’ for the teenager, but would turn out to be a misdiagnosis that would eventually cost her precious young life.

In the four years following the asthma diagnosis, Aachal occasionally suffered from mild respiratory illnesses and shortness of breath - all of which her mother said were remedied by an inhaler and other medication.

Aachal was healthy until her asthma-like symptoms started when she was 13. Picture: Supplied

"We had no idea what it meant for her"

But in January, 2020, the 17-year-old’s symptoms had suddenly worsened.

“There were bushfires in our area at the time and we thought this was contributing to it, but we went to a GP for her to get checked to be safe,” the 46-year-old mum-of-two says.

What followed would be the beginning of Areshma and husband, Sanjay’s, worst nightmare.

A scan on Aachal’s lungs showed a large mass, and the teenager was found not to have asthma at all, but stage three to stage four Hodgkin’ lymphoma.

“We had no idea what it meant for her,” Areshma remembers.

Areshma with her daughter Aachal who passed away in 2020. Picture: Supplied

"They said she was all clear"

Doctors reassured Areshma that her daughter’s case was treatable, and after rounds of chemotherapy, the brave teen went into remission in October, 2020.

“We were full of hope that she would be okay,” Areshma says.

“They said she was all clear.”

The Year 11 student had been back at school just six weeks when out of the blue, she began feeling chronically fatigued and unwell.

“She asked me to take her to the hospital, so I did, and they checked if the cancer had come back, but it didn’t look like it did,” Areshma recalls of the four-day admission.

“They thought she had some kind of virus.”

Doctors initially told Areshma her daughter had asthma. Picture: Supplied

"When we were gone, she went into cardiac arrest"

Due to her medical history, Aachal was transferred to a larger hospital for further observation and tests.

Her condition appeared to be stable, until two days later, when she felt something was very, very wrong.

“She asked me to press the buzzer and the doctor came in, and immediately told us to leave the room,” the anguished mum remembers of the last moments she heard her only daughter’s voice.

“When we were gone, she went into cardiac arrest.”

Aachal was able to be revived, but suffered irreparable damage to her organs.

“It was too late,” an emotional Areshma says.

“Too much damage had been done.”

It wasn't until Aachal was 17 that she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Picture: Supplied

"We had to let her go"

For one week, Aachal lay in a coma as her parents and elder brother hoped for a miracle that would not come.

“It was the hardest decision, but I didn’t want to see my daughter struggle any more,” Areshma says of turning off her daughter’s life support.

“We had to let her go. She was so strong and we wanted to be strong for her. We sent her off with so much love after she gave a lifetime of love to us. She would be at peace after so much suffering and she would never be gone from my heart, my home and my life.”

December 1 will mark three years to the day that Areshma lost her beautiful girl at the tender age of 17 to an aggressive relapse of Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

“That day of the year used to be so special to us because Aachal and I would start to watch Christmas movies together,” the grieving mother says.

“We don’t celebrate Christmas anymore or watch any of those movies because it’s nothing without her. It’s something she loved so much.”

Tragically, Areshma blames herself for her only daughter's death. Picture: Supplied

"It's a guilt I live with every day"

Despite everything, Areshma does not hold any ill will towards medical professionals.

Tragically, she holds herself responsible.

“I don’t blame the doctor or the health system because we all thought she had asthma too,” she cries.

“I should have gotten a second opinion and it’s a guilt I live with every day. That was my mistake. I blame myself. Every week I go to her grave and talk to her, and say ‘I’m sorry’.”