‘Another mother accused me of turning my 13yo daughter into a vicious bully’

“If my daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, then I prioritise HER well-being over that of a stranger.”

Alexandra Feiam

4 min read

May 28, 2024 - 7:10AM

Mum heartbroken after no one comes to son's party

Family Life

Don't miss out on the headlines from Family Life. Followed categories will be added to My News.

Birthday parties for kids can be stressful to organise, especially if you have to invite everyone in the entire class.

Last week was Ava’s 13th birthday, and her mum Janine* pulled out all the stops,

The party took place at a trampoline park, which offers a sleepover service and allows kids to “play for a few hours, watch a movie, and have a sleepover on the trampolines.”

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

Ava refused to invite Laura to her birthday party. Picture: iStock

“Sorry, she can’t attend as we forgot to book her place”

Before sending out the invitations, Janine made sure everyone in her daughter’s class was invited.

“Her school is very small, so there are only 20 students in her entire year,” Janine explained in a Reddit post.

Despite the small class size, Janine double-checked with her daughter that everyone was invited.

Ava assured her mother that everyone was accounted for, all 19 people.

“I asked her if she was sure she wasn’t missing out on someone, but she assured me there were only 19 kids in her class, and I was just misremembering,” Janine said.

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Assured by her tween daughter was telling the truth, Janine booked the party for 19 guests.

Fast forward to the day of the birthday, and everyone was excited to play on the trampolines and watch a film.

However, after everyone arrived at the event, Janine realised there was someone extra: Laura*.

“This girl, [Laura], shows up with an entire box full of gifts: teddy bears, perfume, candles, nail polish, flowers, chocolates, etc,” Janine wrote.

Thinking back, the memories of Laura came flooding back into Janine’s mind. “I remembered picking up my [daughter] from school at the beginning of the school year and seeing her chatting and being very friendly with [Laura], so I assumed they were quite good friends,” she said.

It turns out Laura’s mother had “found out about the party through another parent”, and the schoolgirl “decided to surprise my daughter knowing she hadn’t been given an invite.”

Upon entering the party, Laura ran to Ava, gave her a big bear hug and wished her a happy birthday.

But Ava pushed her away and then told Laura, “She couldn’t attend as we forgot to book her place.”

Both Laura and her mother looked upset by this comment, so Janine assured them she would work with the event staff to add another guest to the party. But Ava wasn’t having it, insisting Laura be removed from the party.

Tears started welling in Laura’s eyes, and she began to sob as Ava refused her entry.

“I pulled my daughter aside and asked her why [Laura] couldn’t join,” Janine recalled “Even though they used to be friendly and she’d invited every other student in her year.”

According to Ava, Laura was “ just really weird, obsessive, and creepy.”

Despite denying being bullied by her former friend, Ava decided she no longer wanted to be friends with Laura.

Instead of adding Laura to the guestlist, Janine handed back all the gifts the girl had provided and “gently told her that there weren’t enough spaces.”

Janine didn’t expect Laura’s mother to start screaming at her, “telling me that I was a grown adult woman bullying a preteen girl.” She hit back, arguing that it was her daughter’s birthday, so she could “invite whoever she wanted.”

Laura’s mum then accused Janine “of raising my daughter to be a bully, and that she couldn’t just invite the entire class and exclude one girl.”

But Janine said she “didn’t want to raise a doormat” and didn’t want to “teach her to value the feelings of others at the expense of her own.”

“I told her that my daughter’s a teenager, not a five-year-old, she can’t be forced to invite the entire class just to be nice,” she added. “If my daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, then I prioritise HER well-being over that of a stranger.”

“This all sounds like a mean girl prank to me”

If Janine thought everyone would be on her side for this argument, she was sorely mistaken.

Many took issue with Ava’s blatant porkies.

“The real issue here is your daughter lied to you about the class size so she could exclude this one person,” read a comment.

Some believed it went further than just an innocent mistake; some figured it was malicious.

“She doesn’t have to invite everyone,” another began. “But inviting all but one is mean.”

“This all sounds like a mean girl prank to me,” said another.

Others wondered how Janine didn’t realise she was an accessory to bullying Laura. “Hasn’t [Janine] been taught that exclusion is also a form of bullying?” someone asked.

“Right!” a person agreed. “There is a massive difference between inviting who you want, and purposely excluding someone.”

“She thinks that is her daughter ‘setting boundaries’ and that her daughter is potentially being bullied,” another answered.

*Names have been changed