Life // Love // Sex: Here’s what to do if your partner is packing less

If your partner is not well endowed it can be an awkward conversation to navigate. Here’s how to stay satisfied, even with small equipment.

Sex isn’t everything in my relationship but I’m starting to feel like maybe I value it more than I once thought.

My partner and I didn’t start having sex until much later in our relationship. He was travelling a lot for work and it just wasn’t a priority for us at the time.

Essentially, I fell in love with him before I had slept with him.

Now, a few months into our relationship, I found out that he has a micro penis.

I obviously don’t want to break up with him, I just want to know what we can do to deal with this… situation.

How can I still have satisfying sex?

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Ah love, it can make us do crazy things, or in this reader’s case, stay with a man who is packing much less. But you’ll be happy to know, reader, all is not lost like the rest of your partner’s penis but rather, just waiting to be found.

This submission reminded me of one of my favourite Sex and the City episodes (season 1, episode 12) which I implore you to watch if you haven’t already. Samantha starts dating a lawyer named James, only to find out that his penis is so small she can’t feel it when it’s inside of her.

As she sobs in the bathroom, Charlotte tries to cheer her up by asking if James is a good kisser, to which Samantha responds: “Who....cares! His dick is like a gherkin!”

Although they eventually do break up, Charlotte does make an interesting point – is your partner a good kisser?

Sex and the City cast – Cynthia Nixon as Miranda, Kristin Davis as Charlotte, Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie and Kim Cattrall as Samantha.

Most people who sleep with men have their own small penis story. For some it was a one-night stand and others married them, either way you can find a way to make it work if you want to.

I spoke to sexologist Jasmine Zahner to get the 411 on micro penises which she says are usually diagnosed in infancy if the penis is less is 2cm.

Debunking the well-circulated myth that the average penis size is “six inches” (15cm), Jasmine said that in Australia “the average erect penis is approximately 13cm in length” and micropenises are penises that are “significantly smaller than normal range” or anything less than 7.5cm.

“The cause of a micro penis is usually hormonal or genetic abnormalities,” Jasmine said.

Jasmine said that in Australia the average erect penis is around 13cm long.

The ultimate question is “does size matter?” and Jasmine said the answer to that comes down to individual preference.

“Some people enjoy the feeling of being “stretched” or “filled”, while others find that sensation uncomfortable.

“Some vagina owners experience cervical pain during sex if the length of their partner’s penis exceeds the length of their vagina.

“When engaging in anal sex, a penis with a smaller circumference may be a little less confronting for some, while others advocate ‘the bigger, the better’.

“There is no right or wrong,” she said.

Jasmine went on to make an interesting point. She said that penis size is “incorrectly” linked to masculinity – that if a man has a bigger penis, he is more of a man. This perpetuates the idea that men with smaller penises are not real men and any comment about their size is a direct dig at their masculinity.

“The size of a penis does not define one’s masculinity – and neither do any other body parts for that matter,” Jasmine said.

This is why I fear the reader is struggling to open the conversation. They probably don’t want their partner, who they love, thinking that they think they are any less of a man.

So how do they discuss it?

I couldn’t help but wonder, if men link their masculinity to their penis size, how can we bring it up without saying that they aren’t “man” enough? Picture: Binge

“There’s absolutely no need to comment on the size of your partner’s penis; it’s unlikely anything positive will come from it,” Jasmine said.

“Instead focus on the things that you would like to explore in order to enhance your pleasure.”

Jasmine suggested looking into different sex toys and exploring ways to incorporate clitoral stimulation or fingers.

“By telling your partner that you would like to enhance the pleasure you’re already receiving, you’re less likely to hurt their feelings,” she said.

Before having this conversation with your partner it’s important to understand what does satisfy you, Jasmine said.

“Given that less than 20 per cent of vagina-owners orgasm from vaginal penetration, maybe the size of the penis doesn’t actually matter... maybe it’s all about the clit stimulation for you,” she said.

“If you do want wider or deeper penetration thought, it’s probably time to start incorporating some sex toys into your sexual life. There are toys that are able to be inserted at the same time as the penis penetrates,” Jasmine said.

Sex does not always need to be with a bigger than average penis but it should always be satisfying, so working with your partner to get to a place where you both love what is going on is ideal.

Life // Love // Sex is a weekly column exploring modern relationships, dating, sex, love and life issues.

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