Is narcissism inherited or learnt? We asked a psychologist

The answer isn’t so simple

After singer Miley Cyrus’ recent comments about inheriting narcissism from her father, we asked an expert if the personality disorder is typically passed down by genetics, or simply learnt behaviour. 

If there’s one thing as sure as the sunrise in the morning, it's the willingness of celebrities to air out their dirty laundry on a public platform. This week, it was the Cyrus family, one of the music industry’s most prominent clans. 

Once a picture-perfect unit, the group has spent the last few years making headlines for their breakups, divorces, side-choosing and very public displays of animosity. At their core sits Grammy-winning singer and actress Miley Cyrus – a household name since her Disney-channel-fuelled teenage years. 

Appearing in David Letterman’s Netflix show My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, Miley opened up about the current status of her relationship with both her mother and country music star father. “My parents served us and sacrificed so much for us. Anything we dreamed of, they made possible,” she says. 

But when asked if she considers her father to be her hero – an assumption most would make following the trajectory of her career – she quickly corrects the host, “Honestly, my mom is my hero.”

Tensions have been brewing for years between the once close father-daughter duo after Billy Ray Cyrus divorced Miley’s mother Tish (for the third time) and promptly remarried Australian singer, Firerose, last October. Miley was noticeably absent from the wedding, though appeared to be heavily involved at her mother’s nuptials with actor Dominic Purcell. 

In February, when the pop singer was awarded a Grammy, she noticeably didn’t thank her father – her once biggest supporter and mentor in the industry. So where does the father-daughter duo stand now?

“I’m grateful for being able to watch him ahead of me. He’s almost given me this map, and there’s a map of what to do and what not to do, and he’s guided me on both,” she further explains in the interview. 

“I also inherited the narcissism from my father.” And right on cue, the internet went wild. 

Did one of the world’s biggest pop stars really just call her father out like that on camera? And more importantly, can narcissism actually be passed down through genetics? We asked clinical psychologist Dr Jodie Lowinger to break it down. 

Cyrus and her parents. Image: Getty

Is narcissism inherited or learnt? 

There’s no doubt we inherit a spectrum of physical characteristics and personality traits from our parents – with generations before them also having a say in the way we look, act and develop throughout life. But is narcissism really something that’s baked into our DNA from birth?

Dr Lowinger says the origin story of a true narcissist usually draws on a few different factors, “Research suggests that narcissism is a combination of both genes and learned behaviours,” she explains. “Genes can provide a predisposition towards certain traits, while environmental experiences can shape these traits into narcissistic personality patterns.”

“Environmental contributors can include specific parenting styles such as overvaluation (excessive praise and adoration) or neglect,” adds the clinical psychologist. “For example, children who are excessively praised or made to feel superior might develop an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for the needs of others, while those who experience neglect might adopt narcissistic behaviours as a defence mechanism. Traumatic life experiences, inconsistent parenting, and exposure to narcissistic role models can also impact the development of narcissistic traits.”

While we don’t know Cyrus and her father personally, growing up in the spotlight of the country music scene and the infamous Disney network and then embarking on a music career before being of legal drinking age all seem like experiences that could be categorised as contributors to a narcissist personality. 

Cyrus is no stranger to public scrutiny, but has her childhood in the spotlight shaped her personality? Image: Getty

Can a narcissist truly be self-aware?

While it’s certainly entertaining to watch a well-known figure splash across the headlines thanks to a tell-all interview, Cyrus’ description of her father is more than a dig at his parenting or personality. Claiming she also possesses narcissistic traits seems to us like an incredibly refreshing example of self-awareness from a celebrity. 

As Dr Lowinger explains, deep self-awareness usually coincides with a strong sense of empathy for others – a character trait most textbook narcissists simply cannot relate to. So, is Cyrus, and her clear display of self-evaluation, being too hard on herself?

“Narcissists tend to have a self-enhancement bias, meaning they consistently overestimate their abilities and positive qualities. This bias can hinder their ability to see themselves accurately,” says Dr Lowinger. “While achieving self-awareness is challenging for individuals with narcissistic traits, it's not impossible.”

“Some people with narcissistic traits might recognise certain patterns of their behaviour, such as a need for admiration or a tendency to exaggerate achievements. While they might understand their behaviours at a practical level, they might lack deeper emotional insight into how these behaviours affect others or stem from underlying insecurities,” adds the clinical psychologist. “With a willingness to seek therapy, and receive feedback, narcissists can develop a greater understanding of themselves and their impact on others. This process is often gradual and requires sustained effort and support, but it can lead to meaningful changes in behaviour and relationships.”

As someone who has grown up under intense public scrutiny, having her personal and professional life play out for all to see, we have no doubt Cyrus has received her fair share of (unsolicited) feedback. Plus, based on the nature of her widely varied discography over the course of her career, it’s clear this woman has put in some well-intentioned hard work with a therapist. 

How does narcissism affect child-parent relationships? 

While narcissistic behaviours and attitudes usually lead to tension and animosity in any professional, romantic or personal relationship, a parent who possesses the infamous personality traits can be especially taxing on a child.  

“Narcissistic parents can tend to exert excessive control over their children's lives, including their choices, behaviours and relationships. They might have rigid expectations and demand compliance without considering the child's individuality. The parent might withhold love and approval unless the child meets their expectations. This conditional affection can lead the child to constantly seek validation and fear failure,” says Dr Lowinger. Yikes. 

“Narcissistic parents often project their own issues onto their children and blame them for any problems or shortcomings. This can create a toxic environment where the child feels responsible for the parent's unhappiness,” she adds. “They might excessively praise the child for achievements that reflect well on them, using the child's success to boost their own self-esteem. Conversely, they may harshly criticise or punish the child for perceived failures, damaging the child's self-worth.”

Narcissistic parents often have poor boundaries and might intrude on their child's privacy and personal space. They might also expect the child to fulfil emotional or practical needs that are inappropriate for the child to handle. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can lead to low self-esteem, as the child may feel they are never good enough or only valued for their achievements. 

Cyrus appears to be pretty self-aware for a narcissist. Image: Instagram/@mileycyrus

Furthermore, a child raised by a narcissistic parent may struggle with setting healthy boundaries in relationships, having learned to prioritise others' needs over their own, potentially leading to the child becoming a chronic people-pleaser, and developing a range of mental health issues. 

On the flip side, a child possessing narcissistic traits is one that constantly seeks admiration and praise, positioning themselves as the centre of attention at all times, “Similar to narcissistic adults, a narcissistic child may show little empathy towards their parents or siblings, focusing primarily on their own needs and desires,” explains Dr Lowinger. “Dealing with a narcissistic child can be emotionally exhausting for parents, as they may constantly have to manage the child's demands and temper tantrums. Parents may feel guilty for not meeting the child's expectations or confused about how to handle the child's behaviour effectively.”

Given the personality trait – exhibited in a child or adult – causes a significant strain on family relationships, seeking professional guidance on setting boundaries and fostering healthier dynamics is imperative, “Seeking appropriate support, such as therapy, can help address these issues and promote healthier relationships,” suggests the clinical psychologist. 

Despite the odds stacked against the famous father-daughter duo, we don’t think either star will be able to keep themselves away from the spotlight – and in turn, each other – for too long. Let’s just hope in future, they turn to a family counsellor to address their achy-breaky hearts, not a televised tell-all interview.  

Originally published as Is narcissism inherited or learnt? We asked a psychologist