Woman shares how she began to date after herpes diagnosis

A 25-year-old who had a late night rendezvous with one of her close mates has detailed the lifelong cost of their casual fling.

A wellness coach who contracted a sexually transmitted disease after having sex with a friend has opened up about how the devastating diagnosis affects her love life.

Rebecca Antonucci, from Perth, WA, was 25 when she contracted herpes from a male companion who said he had a clean sexual health record after a recent check-up.

But that wasn’t the case, though Ms Antonucci notes she’s unsure if her friend actively decided to hide his herpes diagnosis or if he genuinely didn’t know he carried it as the STD is not tested for during standard tests.

Around 1 in every 8 sexually active Australian adults has genital herpes according to Health Direct.

Rebecca Antonucci, from Perth, WA, was 25 when she contracted herpes. Picture: Instagram/bekantonucci/

There are two strains of the infection which can cause blisters or ulcers through skin to skin contact.

HSV-1 presents more commonly as cold sores on the lips or face but can be transmitted through oral sex, and HSV-2, which is spread by sexual contact.

The HSV virus is most easily spread when there are blisters or sores, but it can sometimes be passed even if a person has no active blisters, sores or other symptoms.

There’s no cure for the infection, meaning you carry the virus for life.

In an interview with SEEN TV, Ms Antonucci described her “terror” following the diagnosis, stating she went into “a panic”.

“It was the rug ripped underneath me. I had nowhere to turn in life now other than within,” she said.

The 33-year-old struggled with her diagnosis at first. Picture: Instagram/bekantonucci/

Ms Antonucci said she didn’t know a lot about herpes at the time of her diagnosis, explaining that the A4 sheet of paper her doctor have her contained very little information, so she turned to “Doctor Google”.

Confused and ashamed, Ms Antonucci said she went into denial, even telling loved ones her diagnosis was wrong and she actually had a urinary tract infection.

“I went straight into back-pedalling so that no one could find out this thing about me and I could go into hiding,” she said.

For years she pretended it didn’t happen, spending her time partying and drinking as it quieted the “siren” in her brain telling her “you have herpes, no one will ever love you, you have ruined your life”.

Ms Antonucci even slept with men without disclosing she had herpes, but her conscience eventually caught up with her, and she sought professional help.

After seeking support, she finally accepted her diagnosis, gaining confidence to be honest with anyone she dated about living with herpes.

Ms Antonucci said this personal development changed everything for her, and she started to attract people in life who accepted her and her herpes.

Despite thinking no one would love her, she said partners have embraced her situation with “love, acceptance, curiosity and compassion”.

But now she’s an advocate, helping others who have been diagnosed with the lifelong sexually transmitted disease. Picture: Instagram/bekantonucci/

Now eight years on, Ms Antonucci has turned her trauma into helping others who are scared by their herpes diagnoses, and advocates for the importance of disclosing in workshops and on her social media channels.

“I feel like you would be pleasantly surprised by the incredible amount of people who would love to date and accept you,” the 33-year-old, who currently lives in Bali, said.

“That was my journey – for as long as I was rejecting myself and not telling people – my fear was so intense I really believed the world reject me.”

Ms Antonucci said there are options for couples who want to have sex safely while one is living with herpes, including condoms and antivirals.

But the key was having an open conversations with clear and honest communication so everyone is on the same page.

Ms Antonucci said while some use prescription medicine to handle outbreaks, she has found success with a holistic approach, including managing her mental health, stress load and physical health through diet and exercise.

In eight years, she has only had three outbreaks caused by stress due to work, not taking breaks and constantly being on her phone.

“Your outbreak is your body is screaming it needs something,” she said, stressing outbreaks are different for everyone.

While it’s been a long road to overcome the “shock, shame and sadness”, Ms Antonicci said there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Originally published as Woman shares how she began to date after herpes diagnosis