Family lawyer Annelis Bos shares Christmas tips for divorced families

It might seem difficult but this expert says there are some simple techniques to stop split-up parents waging war over the holidays.

When it comes to negotiating Christmas in two family households, parents must keep kids front of mind, accredited family law specialist Annelis Bos says.

The partner at Coote Family Lawyers, which has its headquarters in Melbourne but advises clients nationally, says getting the festive season right is critical, especially when travelling with children soon after breaking up.

She said early planning, open communication, a bit of compromise and adults, well being adults, are all integral to creating a successful holiday for young and old.

“If it is the first travel since separation, the way things are handled will set the tone for all subsequent trips,” she said. “So it is important to put the time in to get it right.”

Annelis Bos, Partner and Accredited Specialist in Family Law Picture: Supplied

She said the priority had to be firmly on kids at Christmas with adults willing to compromise.

“Everyone wants their children at the prime time of Christmas morning opening presents, they want the children spending time with their family,” she said.

“(It is about) being reasonable and trying to reach a compromise … sometimes, it may be that you make the concessions this year, on the understanding you make the arrangements you want the following.

“(The ideal) is to come up with a conciliatory proposal as that is going to be less likely to lead to conflict … (so) children can enjoy a stress-free holiday and not feel torn.

“One of the things that creates issues is uncertainty, so even if you’ve not yet done it, put a proposal to your ex partner and make a suggestion that addresses both sides … ‘you pick them up on Christmas night so you have them for Boxing Day with your family and I will have them on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning’.”

Ms Bos says communication between adults needs to be clear – and kept between adults.

“I think something that causes children an enormous amount of stress is passing messages between their parents, getting questioned by mum or dad, ‘what hotel are you staying at, who is there, when are you flying back?’,” she said.

The earlier plans are made and agreed to, the better, especially when international travel is planned.

“If someone rings us in mid December and says, ‘I have booked these flights overseas and want to take the kids for two weeks but my ex won’t agree’ … at that point in time it is really too late for us to bring a court application to do anything about it,” she said.

According to data released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics at the start of the month, in 2022, 49,241 divorces were granted nationally, consistent with the past five years.