Adelaide swingers: SA’s secret kink scene revealed

From swingers parties to erotica stores and the ancient art of rope bondage, parts of Adelaide’s underground kink scene thrived in the pandemic – but others struggled. Here's what you can expect.

There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain when it comes to the ancient art of rope bondage, also known as shibari.

For the past seven months, Sarah McEvoy (not her real name) has been learning the subtle skills behind the Japanese artform, which generally involves tying a person up creatively using several pieces of thin rope.

“It can be really pleasurable until they tighten it that little bit and then you get that pain... but once your body relaxes into it, you get this endorphin rush and that’s where the pleasure really picks up. It’s a real tightrope so to speak,” says Ms McEvoy, 35, a health worker by day.

“There’s definitely this element of escapism. Being the model, it requires a sense of vulnerability and trust with your rigger. When that trust and vulnerability is recognised and respected, then you’re just able to enjoy being wrapped up in some glorious warm rope.”

A major part of Adelaide’s burgeoning kink scene, shibari “boomed” during the pandemic, as people sought to explore their naughty side while being stuck at home or limited by restrictions.

Ms McEvoy takes classes twice a week at Peer Rope Adelaide on Hutt St, a community-based group which teaches shibari and hosts shows and events showcasing the artform.

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Ms Bee and Nick Montgomery from Devious Adelaide at Nineteen Ten, where they perform Shibari. Picture: Matt Loxton

Kerry, an instructor and vice-president of the not-for-profit organisation, says they experienced a “massive influx” of new students after the arrival of Covid-19.

“Everyone wanted to try it out, it was one way to socialise during a tough time,” he said.

Describing rope play as arguably the “biggest part of SA’s kink scene”, Kerry says shibari isn’t about sex, which is a common misconception. Rather, it’s about submission and domination.

“It’s very intimate. Some people find it sexually arousing but it’s not about the rope, it’s about being controlled and giving yourself physically to another person,” says Kerry, whose studio teaches up to 50 people each week.

“When I’m tying my partner, none of my real world problems matter at that moment. It’s just us creating a funky shape for artistic purposes... we’re not thinking about the mortgage, the bills, none of that matters. It’s cathartic.”

Ms Bee and Nick Montgomery are two leaders of SA’s kinky community. After several years on the scene, they launched Devious Adelaide last year, teaching their own bondage classes (at Peer Rope) and hosting public kink parties to promote BDSM (the practice of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) as a fun, safe activity.

“We’re not the stereotype that people think. The kink scene can be very cloak and daggers, black leather... and we’re much more about making it bright and colourful and accessible,” says Ms Bee.

“I think people are still scared that if they go to a BDSM party it’s going to be all sex, and they’re not necessarily wanting to share their partner.”

Ms Bee says there’s “lots of bondage, spanking, flogging, and whips” but there’s also a lot of people simply dancing and chatting with each other.

The duo’s bondage workshops have tripled in popularity over the past year, and their events are selling out, with up to 350 people expected at their next BDSM and fetish party in Hindmarsh next month.

They also presented an Adelaide Fringe show, DOMINANCE + submission, earlier this year, which won rave reviews from critics.

“I do think being stuck at home definitely got people a bit more sexy,” Ms Bee says.

“It’s become so much bigger than we ever anticipated. It’s still taboo but it’s definitely less scary than it used to be.”

Fringe show DOMINANCE + submission. Picture: Keryn Stevens

The pandemic wasn’t a boon for everyone in Adelaide’s kink community.

Misty, 42, works as a professional dominatrix, offering her client base – men and women – the authentic femdom experience.

Her one-on-one sessions can include everything from corporal punishment (flogging, spanking) through to bondage, sensory deprivation (blindfolds) and mummification. This involves wrapping someone up so they can’t move.

During her sessions, clients can only sexually gratify themselves if given permission by Misty.

“They’re completely at your control... actually I’ve currently got someone tied to the bed in a gimp mask. Excuse me,” she says, taking a break from the conversation.

A dominatrix for many years, Misty later admits that Covid-19 was “incredibly difficult” for her and her colleagues.

“None of us could work for months. It was very tough for the industry. Unless you provided a lot of online content, you really had no way to feed yourself,” she says.

Silk, 49, a mature BBW (big beautiful woman) works in the same share house as Misty. She offers the full service, which includes penetrative sex, along with playing the dominatrix role. It’s all up to her client’s taste.

“Some people just want to be used as pets or slaves... they want to please, so they will clean the house, they want to play the maid or butler or chef. That’s what they ask for and that’s what they pay for,” she says.

Now that all Covid-19 restrictions have been removed, the pair say business has almost returned back to normal.

“A lot of people will see me because I’m a professional, they know they’re safe with me and people in their life don’t know this is an outlet for them,” Misty says.

When it comes to swinger parties, generally it’s the women who call the shots. Picture: iStock

Adelaide’s swingers community is distinct from the BDSM and kink scene, but there’s plenty of “crossover” between the two.

A woman called Wendee and her fellow organisers have run SA’s leading swingers events, Rabbit Hole Parties, for the last three years.

Held at a private residential home, the parties see couples and selected singles meet and mingle with an eye to having casual sex – while maintaining “emotional monogomy” with their long-term partner.

Wendee, 51, who has two partners herself, says the last two years have been difficult for their group, with the number of guests capped or the events scrapped altogether. But that’s starting to change.

“During the pandemic when you have to socially distance, it was hard to have that physical connection that we all enjoy,” she said.

“Initially people were hesitant to come out and play more. Now as we’re starting to learn to live with Covid-19, they’re coming back - and the early signs certainly point to it being bigger than it was before.”

Wendee says “swingers” are more commonplace around Adelaide than you’d think, with people aged in their late 20s to 50s the most likely to take part.

“You’ll probably find that your next door neighbour knows someone who has an open lifestyle,” she says.

Far from a “sex fest”, the invite-only Rabbit Hole Parties have a strict guest list, or potential attendees can submit an application to gain entry.

Above all, there’s no pressure for anyone, especially women, to do anything sexual, according to Wendee.

“Swinging is a woman’s world. Generally it’s the women who call the shots,” she says.

“Consent matters. It’s paramount. You can always change your mind.

“The scene isn’t just about being into flogging or into casual sex. It’s more about being part of a sex-positive community that enjoys these things.”

Adult Bliss Erotica store owners Simon Mawson and partner Monique Turmine. Picture: Tom Huntley

For Simon Mawson, taking over the Adult Bliss Erotica store on Glen Osmond Rd was like joining the family business – literally.

His mum and stepdad owned three adult stores in Adelaide so when they retired four years ago, Mawson and partner Monique Turmine “swooped in” and bought the popular sexual health and wellness shop.

“We were looking for a bit of a seachange. I was a chef and Monique was in retail and insurance,” he said. “People always say, ‘I bet you get a lot of freaks in the store, don’t you?’. I met more strange people when I was a chef working in bars and clubs.

“Ninety per cent of my customers are normal, blue and white collar workers.”

Mawson, 32, says Covid-19 helped provide a 40 per cent boost to their business as people purchased home adult toys or erotic equipment with remote-connectivity to pleasure themselves.

Among the hottest items were remote-controlled vibrators, flesh lights, pumps and all manner of lubricants and oils.

“A lot of the stuff we’ve been selling are designed to bring intimacy to relationships where you can’t necessarily see each other. We saw a huge jump in that sort of realm. People were stuck at home so they started focusing on themselves and their own sexual health,” he said.

The majority of the Australian-made leather products in their “fetish room”, from day collars, to restraint wear, harnesses, crops and sensory deprivation equipment, experienced a dip in sales during the pandemic, but that’s slowly picking up, says Mawson.

“Myself, I’m extremely vanilla and monogamous. We do this out of a love for helping people,” he says.