Coronavirus: Simple lesson Scott Morrison can learn from
Our PM copped flak from a lot of people about his coronavirus messaging. Maybe he should look to some of these people — our finest captains.
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In these worrying and uncertain times, we need inspirational messages more than ever to buoy spirits and motivate us to keep fighting.
“Don’t be ashamed of your mirror selfies,” Married At First Sight star fearlessly Lizzie wrote on Instagram this week, alongside a mirror selfie, appropriately.
No truer words have ever been spoken. Lizzie’s message is so electrifying I almost thought she was quoting a Psalm from the bible. She’s Confucius, reincarnated with hair extensions and acrylic nails.
If those words of power don’t give you goosebumps and ignite your fire, you’ve got issues.
We’re being overwhelmed with so much confusing information by our leaders, we’re forced to turn to the real captains of society: influencers and celebrities.
Forget the ABC. Influencers are now the official emergency broadcasters during this global disaster.
ScoMo copped flak this week from people who said his press conferences were confusing and made murky the rules around what we were and were not allowed to do. And then we all laughed at him for not knowing what barre is. I just hope he doesn’t try to rectify things by partaking in a barre class.
He should follow the example set by US reality star Kristin Cavallari.
“Social distancing,” she captioned a photo of her sitting on a beach alone in a thong-back bikini. It inspired me to do the same – only, instead of a beach it’s the floor of my studio apartment and instead of a thong-back bikini I’m in old gym shorts eating an entire packet of biscotti.
Amid the swirling chaos and pleas to social distance, she taught us the way to communicate information is through clear and concise messaging. Simplicity is key. And thong-back bikinis capture everyone’s attention. Take note, ScoMo.
“I miss my friends. The sooner we quarantine, the sooner we can get back to our peoples again,” Kendall Jenner,” declared on Insta in a rousing post. And because she said it, I will quarantine.
Everyone’s filing urgent dispatches from the front lines of social media. A lot of the stuff is meant to be positive, but the negative side has amplified and now all the self righteous people are shaming strangers for poor decisions and bad behaviour and none of it’s helpful.
Don’t even get me started on the Tiger King memes. There’s too much news to consume, I don’t have time for a new Netflix show and the offshoots of memes that spring from it.
And then there are those bores who keep posting earnest and trivial second-by-second updates of how they’re adapting. These overactive social media fiends are people who have come to rely far too much on human contact. For those of us who have been social distancing since childhood, it’s really just business as usual. I’m still spending most of my day at home talking to myself and ignoring text messages and phone calls.
While social distancing, it’s probably also wise to exercise some social media distancing. That’s the big new challenge. Can you handle it? If not for your own mental health, do it for the good of the young people.
The real victims of COVID-19 are teenagers because all of us losers who are over 25 have too much time on our hands and are now discovering how to use TikTok. Their safe space has been infiltrated by old people posting lame videos of themselves.
If you dance to Britney Spears while wearing an unwashed hoodie and you don’t TikTok it, did it even happen?
I think Confucius said that.
THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF
Before complaining about the hardships of self isolating, please remember there are always people doing it tougher than you. Like Mishel from Married At First Sight.
She revealed to the Not Here To Make Friends podcast this week that, while she was filming the show, someone broke into her house and stole her vibrator. They also stole other things but she listed the vibrator first and foremost as a priority. They also stole her daughter’s.
Has she replaced it? And more importantly, did they get a mother-daughter discount?
I hope so. In self isolation, she’s going to need it more than ever.
Thoughts and prayers.
THE BLOCK-DOWN
Another one bites the dust … for the time being, anyway. The Block has joined the ranks of reality shows suspending filming and sending contestants home because of coronavirus restrictions. Why not just force the blockheads into lockdown at the worksite and have them renovate the apartments with their DIY flair and whatever junk they’ve got on hand? Because then it would just be Changing Rooms.
The Bachelor announced it’s also being suspended, but bosses said they’d explore “virtual dates” between Locky and the girls as they isolate in lockdown. Honestly, I don’t want to watch a TV show about people endlessly flirting over text and not having sex when that’s already my life.
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Originally published as Coronavirus: Simple lesson Scott Morrison can learn from