Murder victim Lilie James’ heartbroken parents make plea over ‘scourge’
The parents of Lilie James, who was murdered at the hands of a controlling ex-boyfriend, have delivered a message to society.
WARNING: Graphic content
Lilie James’ murder at the hands of her ex-partner has been described by a coroner as symptomatic of the “scourge” of domestic violence, with the water polo coach’s heartbroken parents calling for a national conversation.
Ms James, 21, was beaten to death with a hammer by her former boyfriend Paul Thijssen on the grounds of St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney’s CBD in October 2023.
She was killed by Thijssen, 24, her co-worker at the school, who stalked and carefully planned the attack after Ms James had just days earlier broken off their brief relationship.
An inquest earlier this year examined her death at the hands of Thijssen, who took his own life in the hours afterwards by jumping from Diamond Bay Reserve at Vaucluse in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.
Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan on Thursday morning handed down her findings into Ms James and Thijssen’s death, making a raft of recommendations to tackle the scourge of domestic violence and partner homicide.
Ms James was killed when Thijssen burst into the bathroom where she was changing and bludgeoned her with a hammer on the evening of October 25, 2023.
The court was told that she died due to multiple blunt force injuries to the head and neck.
Ms O’Sullivan described Ms James’ homicide as a “senseless and violent death”.
Outside the Lidcombe Coroner’s Court on Thursday, Ms James’ parents Peta and Jamie James delivered a heartfelt and powerful message about domestic violence.
“Lilie had her life cut way too short,” Mr James said.
“Not a day goes by that we don’t think about her or wonder what we could have done to prevent this from happening.”
And he hoped to spark a national conversation about domestic violence.
“Please, if it’s been a while if you’ve talked about violence or abuse against women, whether it’s at home or at work or with friends or in the community, please start that conversation” he said.
“Awareness, education and speaking out matters.”
The court was previously told Thijssen had stalked Ms James before killing her and carefully planned his attack, including doing several “dry runs” in the preceding days.
Vision aired at the inquest showed Thijssen, on the day of the killing, on three occasions practising quickly opening the door to the bathroom where he ultimately cornered and killed Ms James.
In her findings, Ms O’Sullivan described Thijssen’s killing as “calculated” and “not a momentary loss of control”.
She said Ms James’ death caused a ripple of trauma, not just for her family and friends but for the wider school community.
The court was told that Thijssen likely chose the school because it was a place where he felt he could exert control over Ms James.
“It was a place where Lilie was entitled to feel safe,” Ms O’Sullivan said.
Ms James returned to the school on a bus with students on the evening of her murder, having coached a water polo game at Auburn.
She was captured on CCTV smiling and talking to Thijssen as she walked to the bathrooms where she was intending to change into a swimsuit for her own water polo game.
Thijssen was seen on security footage following her into the bathroom with the hammer in hand at 7.14pm.
While in the bathroom, Thijssen took Ms James’ phone and used it to text her father.
“Don’t ask why or call, please come to the school now and pick me up,” the text said.
The message set off panic within the James family and her father raced to the school, while Thijssen exited the school and drove to Diamond Bay Reserve.
There, Thijssen called triple-0 to report “a body” at the school and took his own life.
Earlier this year, the inquest was told that in the six days leading up to the murder, Thijssen stalked Ms James on seven occasions – driving to her house in Sydney’s south in a hired car before returning home to Kensington.
On several occasions, he took photographs of cars which were parked outside her family home.
On another occasion, CCTV captured him driving to Allawah train station, where he stayed for an hour, with further vision showing Ms James getting off at the same station.
The court heard expert opinion that there was evidence of Thijssen having exhibited patterns of coercive control in his relationship with a former girlfriend and Ms James.
Ms O’Sullivan made several recommendations, including further education to improve awareness of and to identify coercive control, including emerging forms of technology-facilitated abuse.
She said there was a need to reconsider technology that allowed people to share their locations with others.
“Paul employed a range of emotionally abusive and manipulative tactics to have the relationship continue,” Ms O’Sullivan said, highlighting the evidence of the NSW Domestic Violence Death Review Team manager Anna Butler.
“This included the use of technology to monitor Lilie, and also sharing an intimate photo of her with friends, in an attempt to demonstrate his dominance over her.”
Ms O’Sullivan said that in Ms Butler’s evidence, she noted there was an “opportunity for people to intervene and to call him out on that behaviour”.
“However, this type of behaviour has been normalised, presenting a challenge in educating people to conceptualise these behaviours as coercive control,” she said.
She found that Thijssen used technology in an abusive way, including using Snap Map and location sharing to track her.
The court was told that Thijssen also set up a fake Snapchat account in the name of a woman he had met through hockey.
Ms O’Sullivan said his motivation was unclear; however, it may have been to make her jealous or to monitor her.
“I conclude by acknowledging the alarming and persistent scourge of gendered violence and domestic violence in Australia,” Ms O’Sullivan said.
“Lilie’s death is not an isolated tragedy; it is part of a devastating pattern of violence against women that demands urgent and sustained action.”
Originally published as Murder victim Lilie James’ heartbroken parents make plea over ‘scourge’
