Moving forward after separation

Separation or divorce can be one of the toughest challenges and most stressful times that people are likely to experience.

A small girl holds a teddy bear. Picture: shutterstock

Separation or divorce can be one of the toughest challenges and most stressful times that people are likely to experience.

There can be intense feelings surrounding the many changes involved and uncertainty at this time -the relationship with your former partner; the level of involvement with your children; routines; family structures; social networks; the family home and financial security.

Family dispute resolution, also known as mediation, assists couples who are separating and in conflict to communicate with each other and reach agreements to resolve family law disputes around parenting, child support, financial agreements or property settlements.

Mediation can save money and time compared to court processes. It promotes co-operation, improves communication, provides structure and maintains an individual’s control in the decision-making process. It’s also generally less-stressful and can be a fairer and more effective way to resolve conflict because people are more likely to maintain agreements they have made themselves.

Carolyn Last, Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner at Relationships Australia Victoria (RAV), says that mediation is a problem-solving, future-focused process.

“In mediation, parents get to make their own decisions that suit their kids and family best, because they have control over what is decided,” says Last.

Everyone experiences separation and divorce differently. Intense emotions are all perfectly normal.

“It can take 12-18 months to process the grief of a separation,” advises Last. “People who come to us very early after separating can have a lot of grief and emotion which can make it tricky to develop a post-separation co-parenting relationship.”

“What you want to focus on is the immediate; what are the living arrangements; what are the current parenting arrangements; how will you pay the mortgage.”

“Property mediation involves sharing information on joint assets and debts and working to negotiate a settlement. Any agreements that are made can be made into make consent orders – which are binding legal agreements,” says Last.

RAV, a community-based, not-for-profit organisation, with no religious affiliations, is highly experienced in providing FDR, having offered the service for over 35 years. It receives funding from the Federal Government to provide FDR.

“We’re focused on providing services that are affordable and accessible, and while there are fees for some services, they’re based on a client’s capacity to pay.”

One of the critically important aspects of FDR is that mediators are trained to be impartial and even-handed. They control the process of FDR, not the content discussed.

“The focus is on helping clients to find solutions and resolve their dispute. Mediators ensure that everybody agrees on the decisions being made.”  

RAV employs a dedicated team of accredited, highly-skilled and experienced mediation professionals. With 15 centres in metropolitan Melbourne and regional Victoria, RAV’s reach across Victoria is extensive.

Settling a family law dispute through court litigation can be challenging. Extensive legal costs, the time involved, stress and anxiety around potential outcomes and the court process need to be considered.

Mediation can be a timely and cost-effective alternative to help resolve conflict and family law disputes and attending mediation doesn’t prevent clients from gaining independent legal advice.

“Often people can be hesitant about starting mediation, however the majority of people who come to us resolve their issues. It’s incredibly rewarding to see separated couples who were initially in conflict, work with us and leave having reached agreements that allow them to move forward with their lives.”

To find out more about Relationships Australia Victoria and how family dispute resolution (mediation) can help you, visit www.rav.org.au/fdr.

Originally published as Moving forward after separation