‘Mushrooms, machetes’: Dave Hughes’ epic rant about ‘sad’ reality of being a Carlton fan

Dave Hughes has delivered an epic rant about the “sad” reality of one of his obessessions, and his comments have to be seen to be believed.

Dave Hughes is not coping well with Carlton’s season.

Carlton take on Port Adelaide on Thursday night in a must win game for the Blues after they lost to North Melbourne last weekend, leaving their finals hopes in disarray.

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The comedian is a diehard Blues supporter, but his appearance on Channel 7’s The Front Bar showed the 54-year-old is at his wit’s end.

A Round 1 loss to Richmond that no one saw coming set the tone for Carlton, who sit 10th on the ladder with six wins and eight losses heading into the back end of the season.

That loss to Richmond didn’t go down well with Carlton fans including Hughes, who was spotted leaving the MCG before the final season.

Hughes said on The Front Bar: “We were premiership favourites playing against an under-12 team, we were 40 points up and lost, and our team left at halftime!

“I walked home the MCG to St Kilda in the dark on my own, true story. I was looking for guys with machetes and could not find them, where are they when you need them?”

Watch Hughesy’s Carlton rant in the video above

Hughesy is not coping well with being a Carlton fan. Photo: Channel 7.

Carlton’s last premiership came back in 1995, as Hughesy knows all too tell, and he went rogue with a serious of tongue-in-cheek declarations about his beloved team.

“This was our year? 30 years! This was it,” he said.

“Guys it’s sad. I cannot do it anymore, it’s not good for my health. every weekend from now on I will go to the Wonthaggi area and forage for mushrooms. Cook them up and have a good time. What could go wrong?

“If Donald Trump is interested, let’s get one of his stealth bombers. We fully insured at Ikon Park? Seriously, we need a break, having said all that, we will be Port Adelaide tomorrow night.

“A few weeks ago Mitch McGovern went to hospital in an ambulance at halftime in the hospital said there is nothing wrong with him. The ambulance could have been used for people who have heart attacks.”

Ruckman Tom De Koning appears set to leave Carlton at the end of the season and accept a mammoth deal worth up to $1.7 million per season

Asked whether he thinks De Koning will stay, Hughes exclaims: “He has an offer of $12 million to leave Carlton! What do you reckon?”

Hughes also took aim at the decision to let midfielder Matthew Kennedy go to the Bulldogs, where he could well be leading their best and fairest after a stellar year for the recruit.

“Kennedy has gone to the Bulldogs and he might with the Brownlow,” Hughes said. “He has not missed a goal all year.”

Hughesy is not coping well. Photo: Channel 7.

Comedian and Carlton tragic Dave Hughes leaves the Tigers Blues game before it ends at the MCG.

Pressure is mounting on Carlton coach Michael Voss, with Buddy Franklin predicting Voss will be sacked before season’s end.

Voss is refusing to put energy into discussions and external comments around his future as heat on his position reaches boiling point.

Voss said there was only one place he was directing his “energy” and that was on Port, a game coming just five days after the loss to the Roos.

“I don’t deal in hypotheticals like that, you can go for your life. As far as what we’re concerned, we’ve come off a game what four days ago,” he said.

Pressure is mounting on Michael Voss. (Photo by James Elsby/Getty Images)

“As you can imagine, you tend to focus a lot of your energy on turning around what was a disappointing loss and turn that into something else.

“Obviously, jumped on a plane today and got a game tomorrow. As you can understand, we haven’t drifted too far beyond that.

“It was pretty obvious, clearly the contest part of the game and some drift moments in defence … we gave it a good throw at the end to have a crack at it, but the distance was far too much for us to peg it back.”

Carlton will unveil two debutants this week, with Billy Wilson and Flynn Young confirmed to face Port Adelaide.

— With NewsWire

Originally published as ‘Mushrooms, machetes’: Dave Hughes’ epic rant about ‘sad’ reality of being a Carlton fan