Can I get a vote in the US election? I’m more informed than most Americans

I have a modest proposal. Australian voters should get to determine the result of the forthcoming US election. After all, we’re the ones paying the most attention.

Not all Australians are as insane as me and my family and friends, I realise that. But many are. You can see it in the lists of most-read stories on Australian websites. We just can’t get enough of American politics.

Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris with Joe Biden at the Democratic National Convention.Credit: AP

We sit on the couch, texting each other. “Did you see Michelle Obama’s speech? What about Tim Walz? Do you think Beyoncé will appear?” On Monday night we find our life hardly worth living as it’s Sunday in America, so there are no late-night news shows on which to binge.

We’re convinced we are insiders and use the language of insiders. We talk of the “DNC” and list the swing states with ease. Anthony Scaramucci, political podcaster, is referred to as one might a treasured uncle from the Italian side of the family.

“Did you hear what The Mooch said?” my younger son texts me. The Mooch’s latest podcast has only been up for an hour but the young fellow has already consumed it. I feel a need to point out to him, and myself, and everyone else I know: “This is all very well but you do realise we don’t get a vote?”

Even crazier, I find myself knowing more about American politics than I do about our own. How weird is that? Biden’s transport secretary is Pete Buttigieg. I know the name of his husband and of the town that he once served as mayor. (It’s South Bend, Indiana, in the unlikely case you don’t know.)

Australia’s transport minister is Catherine someone. I’m sure she’s terrific but I find myself unable to tell you anything more. I am unable to say whether she once served as mayor and, if so, of which town. Nor the name of her husband. Oh, and by the way, Tim Walz’s son is called Gus and his daughter is called Hope. As for Albo, I know he has a son but I’m unsure of his name.

Again: I don’t get a vote. But really, I should. We all should. We’re better informed than the average American.

Perhaps it’s always been like this, Australians paying far too much attention to a country far away. An early interest in America’s progressive politics is the reason the Australian Labor Party is still missing a “u”. They took the American spelling because they thought it represented the future. Later, Harold Holt worked up a rhyme to express his fawning regard for the US president: “All the way with LBJ”. A more recent Australian prime minister talked proudly of being America’s “deputy sheriff”.

Tim Walz, governor of Minnesota and Democratic vice-presidential nominee, speaks during the Democratic National Convention in Chicago.Credit: Bloomberg

Of course, we’re adept at providing rational explanations for our strange obsession. “Due to the AUKUS treaty, the result of this election is more consequential than ever.” Or: “Trump’s divisive politics, if proved successful, will be further emulated here, thus my interest.” Or: “I’m worried about export arrangements for agriculture and steel should Trump win.”

Yeah, sure. But, mate, we don’t get a vote.

So what’s the real reason? Maybe it’s just the thrilling storylines. It’s one of the most gripping, dramatic shows ever made. The criminal charges. The assassination attempt. The sudden exit of Biden. The elevation of Harris. The emergence of Walz, an image of positive masculinity in a world that appeared to have forgotten such a thing was possible.

I asked a young friend why he, an Australian, is now racing home to watch PBS News Hour every afternoon. “America,” he said, “has always been the most compelling miniseries in the world. But it’s now season nine. Interest had been starting to fall off, so they are just throwing everything at it. This is the point where the storyline goes really crazy. The writers are jumping the shark. Who wouldn’t watch?”

He may have a point, but I also wonder whether our interest is born of hunger. Here’s a campaign, the Harris campaign, in which joy is being presented as a candidate. That hasn’t happened for a while. We could do with some joy and optimism. We could do with less division. Maybe we have a horse in this race after all.

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump at a campaign rally in Arizona on Friday.Credit: AP

If only we could determine the vote. Trump would be wiped off the map. According to a survey published earlier this week, Australians of all major parties prefer Harris by a combined margin of 48 per cent to 27 per cent. Only voters for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation expressed a preference for Trump.

Meanwhile, Trump praises America’s gun laws from behind sheets of bulletproof glass. Meanwhile, Robert F. Kennedy Jr endorses Trump and is disendorsed by his own family. Meanwhile, speculation builds about the tactical deployment of Beyoncé and Taylor Swift.

At this point, in a real writers’ room, someone would be saying, “Shouldn’t we keep a few of these plot points for next week?” But the writers of American Politics: The Miniseries have no such qualms: “Let’s do all three in one week. What the hell. Let’s just burn story. It’s season nine, after all.”

Sure, we don’t get a vote. But what a show.

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