I tried to be a ‘perfect’ plane passenger. I even gave the crew a gift

If you search online, you’ll find dozens of suggestions and guides from flight attendants about how to be the perfect passenger, with plenty of replies from members of the public. All of which gave me an idea: what would happen if I put those tips into practice on my next flight?

Like most people, I certainly don’t think of myself as a bad passenger. Even when I’ve been lucky enough to fly in premium cabins, I’ve never taken it as a license to be extra demanding. But have I ever sat down to think about how I can make an eight-hour flight easier on those in charge of serving me? I confess that I have not.

There is plenty of advice online on how passengers can make a flight attendant’s life easier on board.Credit: iStock

My social experiment started at 7am in the Hudson concession store at JFK airport, New York. I’d read from more than one flight attendant that one of the best ways to endear yourself to the staff on a flight is to present them with a box of chocolates and tell them that you appreciate what they do.

It seemed a very American gesture, admittedly, but would that be a problem on a British Airways flight? The cabin crew seemed pleased to receive my offering – three cinema-style packets of sickly Hershey’s chocolates. As expected, it didn’t bag me an instant upgrade or an extra champagne, but it did make for a more pleasant interaction as I shuffled towards the economy cabin.

After take-off, I got the chance to try other tips provided by a flight attendant. Top of the list was to try to make the trolley service as painless as possible, by making my order as quick and concise as I could. That way the cabin crew wouldn’t have to test their patience asking various follow-up questions.

“May I have a Diet Coke, please?” I asked, once the drinks trolley reached my seat.

“Would you like ice with that?” came the reply – a perfectly polite question which had the inadvertent consequence of making me realise that I had failed at the first hurdle.

“Yes, sorry – I should have said that, that was my fault,” I replied.

It wasn’t the biggest faux pas, but when you’ve got 200 passengers to look after these kinds of questions can add up. Still, I certainly felt superior to the passenger nearby who asked the flight attendant what drinks they offered – seemingly oblivious to the fact they’d already been given a menu. Needless to say, that kind of behaviour can really test the patience of the crew.

The next insider tip was to ensure you hand back your meal tray as neatly as possible. Like the point about speedy drinks orders, it was something to which most passengers probably didn’t give a second thought. But when you’re in charge of stacking dozens of canteen-style trays, it can quickly become a massive headache (or so I’m told).

Why do we overlook these little things in the first place? My own theory is that we’re so used to being bombarded with instructions and announcements when we fly – particularly with budget airlines – that we end up filtering out anything that isn’t absolutely essential.

Either that, or some passengers are just utterly oblivious. From researching tips from cabin crew online, I’d found that their pet hates included overly-talkative passengers, as well as people blocking the aisles during the flight or complaining excessively about things beyond their control.

Refraining from these behaviours was easy enough, but it was also the bare minimum. Was there anything I could actually do to score myself some serious passenger points? Just when I was racking my brain for ideas, the perfect opportunity fell straight into my lap.

At the end of the middle row, and with two empty seats between us, my fellow passenger had been complaining to the cabin crew that her seat screen wasn’t working. Attempts to solve the problem had been fruitless. But then I had a brainwave: given that I wasn’t planning on using my screen, why didn’t I offer to swap seats?

To my delight, my fellow traveller jumped at the offer. Perhaps my greatest stride so far in my quest to become the perfect passenger. Combine that with my immaculate observance of the seatbelt rules, and surely I had done what was necessary to earn myself some serious flight karma?

A few hours before landing at London’s Heathrow I got my answer. During one of their scheduled litter collection rounds, one of the cabin crew leaned over to thank me again for the chocolates. “I looked for you earlier but you’ve moved seats,” she said. It was only a slight change from my allocated seat admittedly, but exactly the sort of thing you’re not meant to do without asking permission first. My quest to be the teacher’s pet had failed once again.

Evidently being the perfect passenger is a tougher job that I’d bargained for. But I’d still venture that I gave it my best shot.

The Telegraph, London