Are you the perfect cruiser? Check our etiquette guide to find out

If you think that your cruise line bears the responsibility of making your cruise a success, think again. There’s only so much a cruise ship and its crew can do to ensure smooth sailing.

A great many of the choices you make – even before you board – have a significant impact on the quality of your experience.

Make informed decisions before boarding to ensure your cruise experience is the best it can be. Credit: Getty Images

If it takes two to tango, it takes a whole boatload of people to sail. As with anything, consideration and kindness will help others have a good time, and enhance your enjoyment as well. Nobody wants to board a cruise with a ransacked wallet and high hopes only to end up stressed and dissatisfied.

So how should the perfect cruise guest behave? Well, we aren’t here to moralise. Let good sense and common politeness prevail. Follow these tips, however, and we feel sure that you’ll reap the rewards. Here’s the lowdown on how to achieve serene sailing.

Choose the right cruise for you

An onshore adventure with Ponant.

The best cruise passengers are the ones who are well matched to both the ship and the destination. If you pick the wrong cruise, you won’t be happy, and you can’t blame the cruise company. Due diligence gets you off to the best start.

Think about what you want from your holiday. You may be after a family ship, party ship, sedate education-oriented ship, or romantic getaway. Do you want a ship with 6000 guests on board, or only 400?

The destination is just as important. If you don’t like heat, small-town vibes or big-city raucousness, and if you find tropical islands or ancient history boring, then choose your cruise wisely. Study the itinerary and the time spent in ports, too.

Most of all, know your budget and study the inclusions, because the advertised cruise fare won’t be your only outlay. Nothing ruins a holiday more than unexpected costs.

Budget ships will charge you for drinks, speciality dining, gratuities and shore excursions, which are however mostly included in luxury-ship fares. Cruising isn’t an eco-sensitive holiday but those keen to do the right thing by the planet can at least make choices that reduce the environmental impact of their indulgence.

Small ships are more likely to run on cleaner marine gas oil rather than heavy fuel oil while expedition-style ships from companies such as Aurora Expeditions, Hurtigruten, Lindblad and Ponant are especially green.

Once you’ve decided on a cruise company, choose from among the newest ships in the fleet, as these will likely have technologies such as hybrid engines, waste recycling, sewage-treatment systems, solar panels and more energy-efficient hull design. You can control the amount of energy consumed in your cabin by turning off air-conditioning and lighting when you leave, reusing towels, and having your daily newsletter delivered to your device rather than printed.

A good travel agent should understand your interests and budget, or you can research cruise information and ship reviews online. The perfect cruiser is one who chooses wisely and responsibly..

Plan ahead to avoid disappointment

Get your spa and shore excursion bookings in early.Credit: Celebrity Solstice

While a cruise is the most relaxed way to travel – everything is taken care of, and you only unpack once – it still requires effort on your part if you want everything to go your way. That’s especially true long before you board the ship.

Too many cruisers leave their planning until the last minute, hop on board, and then end up frustrated because the shore excursions they hoped for have sold out. Tables at speciality restaurants may be fully booked, and so might your preferred slots in the spa.

A frustrated customer isn’t a happy customer, and nor will your fellow passengers appreciate your moaning about something that might have been avoided. Once your cruise is booked, get online and make reservations for the things you really want to do.

Don’t plan a schedule for every hour of the day, however. Create a balance between must-dos and downtime.

You’ll also find your visits greatly enhanced if you research ports beforehand. Where does a paid excursion seem sensible, where can you wander about on your own, and what do you want to see or do? Forward thinking makes for better experiences.

Dress to impress not depress

Dress for dinner (and breakfast and lunch for that matter).

Nobody wants to see blokes in shorts, T-shirts and open-toed sandals return from a sweaty shore excursion and head straight for the full-service restaurant. And yet they do. Have a shower, change your clothes.

Nothing wrong with shorts and T-shirts, though they’re perhaps best confined to pool grills, restaurant terraces and buffet venues. Nor do you have to endure formal attire if you don’t want to. Even luxury cruise ships these days are relaxed about dress codes.

Nevertheless, think smart casual when dining, especially in the evenings, when most cruise lines ask that you avoid jeans, shorts, singlets and the like. You’ll find cruise companies’ dress codes on their websites and, where dress codes differ from day to day, these will be posted in your daily newsletter.

Formal or “elegant” evenings are infrequent nowadays and, even then, usually confined to certain restaurants.

Don’t spoil it for everyone else by turning up scruffily attired. Eat elsewhere or, if the event is ship-wide, order room service. Dining might not be an “occasion” for you, but could be for certain fellow diners having the cruise of a lifetime. Why spoil it?

Consider some consideration

When family scenes aren’t this serene it’s worth remembering that you’re onboard with many others. Credit: iStock

All of us who cruised have at some point experienced it: televisions blaring through cabin walls, passengers cackling like cockatoos in corridors late at night, diners shrieking at adjacent restaurant tables, people hogging empty lounge chairs or multiple washing machines in the complimentary laundry.

So, don’t forget you’re on a ship with hundreds of fellow guests. If you want to behave badly then buy yourself a superyacht, and keep your obnoxious revelries to yourself.

As you walk down corridors, be mindful of people in cabins at any time of day: they may be jet-lagged or napping. Close your own cabin door gently: they tend to slam. Respect the pool rules. Keep your phone conversations to yourself. Be patient in queues.

Control your kids, on the cruise lines which permit them. A cruise ship isn’t a free-for-all, and the crew aren’t your unpaid babysitters. Big ships will have kids’ clubs. Small, luxury and expedition ships don’t, and so will only suit self-contained teenagers happy in adult company.

Too many rules? No, just common sense. Do you really want to spend your holiday annoying everyone around you, and being on the receiving end of death stares? Or do you want to make friends, have fun, and see smiles?

Consider the crew, too

Ship staff are often away from families for months at a time.

If housekeepers can remember your name and the names of the 30 other people whose rooms they service, and waiters likewise when serving 25 diners, then the least you can do is remember theirs after asking how to pronounce it properly.

Google how to say thank you in their mother tongues. Leave your cabin tidy. Don’t complain because a drink doesn’t turn up within two minutes. Don’t make unreasonable demands – or any demand for something easily done yourself. Say thank you.

You’ve paid for reasonable service, not a personal servant. Never forget crew work 12-hours shifts, seven days a week for six to nine months at a time, and are missing spouses and children back at home.

You’ll interact with the crew more closely on a cruise ship than you ever will in a hotel. Their wellbeing is important and, from a selfish point of view, will influence your own on-board experience.

The efficiency and friendliness of the crew is astonishing. Yes, there are exceptions. Yes, sometimes things go wrong. If you have legitimate complaints, air them early. Just don’t have unreasonable demands, and remember how lucky you are.

Gratuities aren’t so gratuitous

Check to see if gratuities are included in your package.Credit: Getty Images

Understanding and accepting the gratuity system will avoid stress and annoyance both to you and those on the receiving end. Crew work for low wages and are dependent on the extra income that tips provide.

Railing against the system or withholding tips won’t help them. Irrespective of whether tipping is included, small change offered to waiters and bartenders early in a voyage – a tiny fraction of your overall cruise cost – will ensure attentive service.

Many river and luxury-end ocean ships include gratuities in the fare, but American-style tipping prevails elsewhere. Most budget cruise companies automatically add a gratuity to your final bill, so you don’t have to work it out yourself. Sometimes you can prepay before you board.

Expect to pay about $US12 ($18) per person per day, which covers the entire crew, including those you never see, such as laundry and galley workers.

Many people separately (and directly) tip their hardworking housekeeper; consider $US5 per day. Any tips not included are best distributed in person on the last day of the cruise rather than on disembarkation morning, when crew might be reassigned elsewhere on the ship.

Be assured when going ashore

An onshore group tour experience may require patience.Credit: iStock

Be punctual for shore excursions, don’t monopolise the guide unless you’ve booked a personal tour, and leave a tip for good service, since excursions are independently operated, which means guides aren’t covered by your on-board gratuities.

You’ll have to be patient. It takes a while for 30 people to get on and off coaches, perhaps multiple times for photo stops.

Some may be slower walkers than you. Some may ask what you consider silly questions. You may think the tour spends too long in one spot and not enough in the other. Suck it up, or don’t sign up for a group experience.

If the excursion activity or quality isn’t what you expected, fair enough, but take that up later with the cruise director. Loud complaints ruin the experience for others, who may otherwise be perfectly happy with their excursion. Not everyone thinks like you.

Consider the suitability of your attire. In churches and mosques women will have to cover legs, shoulders, head or all three. Some societies frown on scanty dress generally; indeed all of them do, at least in certain settings.

Cruise ships are often unfairly blamed for tourism overcrowding, even though cruise passengers make up only 3 per cent of global tourist numbers – or 5 per cent in Venice, where cruise day-trippers are much maligned.

Still, when you have 6000 passengers disembarking off the biggest ships, or even several smaller ships in port at once, it has an impact on certain streets and sights, and on the lives of locals trying to go about their business.

Consider taking shore excursions beyond the more obvious sights, which you may anyway find more enjoyable. This helps to spread the load: part of the local annoyance in cruise ports is that too much tourism is directed at too few monuments, districts and businesses.

Be socially conscious about what you choose too. You could join a small tour run by a local family, or even one that involves a voluntourism project, which will promote the value of cruise visitors among the wider community.

Feel free to do you own thing

It’s worth dedicating some time to staying aboard your ship.Credit: Getty

Certainly, we all must live by the rules and standards of behaviour that are aimed at creating the best conditions and least awkwardness for most people, and cruising is no exception. That doesn’t mean you have to follow the herd, however.

Beyond decent behaviour, you aren’t obliged to do anything on a cruise holiday other than attend a safety muster and reboard on time. Enjoy yourself. Reward yourself. Relax.

You don’t have to book an excursion, dress up or play bingo if you don’t want to. You don’t have to share restaurant tables every night. You can decline an invitation to the bar and read your book instead.

You don’t even have to get off a ship in port. Some passengers may scratch their heads at your apparent lack of curiosity, but so what? If you want a day by the pool, cocktail in hand, just do it.

Lastly, if you’re a first-time cruiser, don’t worry. A crew member is always on hand to answer questions. There’s nothing difficult about cruising, which is exactly its appeal.

Hop on board and sail off. The perfect cruisers are the ones who simply enjoy themselves, and share that spirit with those around them.

Five more hints for happy cruising

Be time aware
Being punctual is being considerate of others but, on a cruise ship, it’s for your own good too. Tables in specialty restaurants may be given to more eager diners if you’re more than 15 minutes late. Shore-excursion coaches or other tours will leave without you. So will the ship if you’re tardy while exploring ashore independently. Who needs the stress? Ensure you know local ship time, and plan your prompt arrival back at the terminal.

Be healthy and wise
Your inattention to others could ruin their holiday, or even their health. It doesn’t take much to cover your mouth while coughing and sanitise your hands regularly; sanitiser stations are set up at restaurant entrances and high-traffic areas on responsible ships. If you’re feeling unwell, wear a mask while in crowded spaces on board and excursion coaches. Similarly, pay attention to your own health. Use sanitiser, avoid touching surfaces unnecessarily, and beware street eats.

Don’t be the cruise Grinch
You’re unlikely on a land holiday to get the opportunity to access the learning, socialising and entertainment available on a cruise ship, so join the bridge or dancing lessons, and take up photography or painting. Don’t pooh-pooh bingo, team trivia or the jigsaw puzzles often laid out in lounges, either. You don’t want to be the Grinch who stole the cruise fun, and you might be surprised at what you enjoy, and who you encounter.

Watch your steps
Cruising doesn’t go so easy on the planet, so tread lightly while ashore, especially in fragile environments such as the Arctic and Antarctic. Stick to the hiking paths, don’t approach or harass wildlife, keep noise to a minimum, and follow the instructions of expedition teams. The wilderness around you will be less disturbed which, even for selfish reasons, has benefits. You’ll have much better wildlife encounters, and your soul can tune into the landscape.

Don’t join the pile high club
Just because food on a cruise ship is endless and included doesn’t mean you should waste it. Too many passengers take too much from the buffet, or order too many restaurant courses and only eat a mouthful of each. Consider the planet, and the efforts of galley staff. Consider yourself too. Everyone overeats on cruises; rein it in and you’ll probably enjoy the dining experience more, and feel better for it.

Brian Johnston writes regularly on cruising for Traveller including the weekly “Ship shape” column which appears in this title’s Sunday edition.