Eddie is not only the messiah, he’s also a very naughty boy – and we love it

The Eddie Jones saga, making him Wallaby coach at the expense of Dave Rennie?

It is brutal but brilliant.

The brutal part, of course, is the staggeringly callous dismissal of Rennie, a good man and a good coach. One week he is hosting a Wallabies camp, looking to the World Cup later this year in France. And the next week he is being dismissed at 6 o’clock in the morning, via Zoom, and within hours heading home to NZ. Did such a devoted coach and good man, deserve that brutality? He did not.

Against that? Well, against that, he was batting just a 38 per cent win-rate during his three years and 30 Tests in charge – the lowest in Wallabies coaching history.

Eddie Jones, meanwhile, the home-grown Messiah of world rugby coaching? His win rate with England over six years was 73 per cent – the highest in England’s rugby coaching history. In his time coaching England, he took a side that came third in its pool in the 2015 World Cup it was hosting, and won the next eighteen Tests straight with them. Before then, he did miracles with Japan, the highlight of which was defeating South Africa at that same World Cup.

And Eddie was suddenly available.

Wallabies coach Eddie Jones returned to Matraville High School.Credit: Brook Mitchell

So, going into this year, which one of those two is most likely to get the Wallabies to a World Cup Final, and maybe win the whole damn thing?

I’ll go first.

Of course, it is Eddie.

That is the most important thing, but there is a further bonus. At a time when Australian rugby has been a little ... dull, Eddie Jones is an entertaining presence right from the start. Fun! Colourful! Outrageous! Unafraid to take people on, say stuff, ruffle feathers.

He’d been in the job five minutes before NRL supremo Peter V’landys chipped him about how boring the game has become.

Eddie, as he was ever wont to do, steamed in from the Randwick end.

“I think he’s been probably sitting in TAB too much,” he began. “I encourage him to get out of the TAB and go and watch some Super Rugby, I’ll invite him to a game. If we can play some good rugby, people will want to watch us play. And if we win, then we’ll be in a better position in the media ... all the rugby league journalists want to be part of it. We might even get, what’s his name, the horse guy to a media conference.”

That’s him. The horse guy.

Gold.

Now, honestly. Without being unkind, can you recall a single thing Dave Rennie said in the last three years?

I cannot. This is not just a triviality. Rugby is not just a game, it’s a culture. And that culture used to be fabulously colourful, exciting, enthralling. It’s a while since it has been that. Eddie Jones is the best chance we’ve got to not only get the Wallabies winning again, but also restore a colourful culture where the mob are interested again, and tuning in.

And yes, of course, signing Eddie for five years was a tad on the insane side of things, given his track record is to burn out teams just a little slower than he burns out assistant coaches, but we can ourselves burn that bridge when we come to it. Right now, Australia needs to win.

Jones’ attack on Eddie beyond the pale

Meantime, in the course of the inevitable attack by Alan Jones on the appointment of Eddie Jones, there were so many outrageous slurs it was hard to keep track. But they included Jones presuming to psychoanalyse Eddie, and diagnose him with a mental health condition.

“He clearly displays character traits that psychologists would align with someone living with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD),” Jones wrote for the Daily Express in London. “People with this condition are also commonly referred to as ‘sociopaths’ or ‘psychopaths’ ... If the coach displays traits like low empathy, low emotional intelligence, a lack of concern for the wellbeing of others, a tendency to intimidate and threaten in order to maintain control, a difficulty in learning from mistakes – is Eddie Jones your ideal coach in 2023?”

Alan Jones didn’t miss Eddie Jones in a scathing opinion piece.Credit: Janie Barrett

Seriously! Of all the people in all the world to question whether someone should coach Australia because they “lacked empathy”, “had a tendency to intimidate and threaten”, and were “sociopathic”, let alone “psychopathic”, Jones is nowhere near the front of the line. But it got still worse, with Jones also presuming to publicly name one of Eddie Jones’ former assistant coaches and say, “It is also widely known, inside the game, that he had pushed his assistant coach ... so hard, that [he] ended up in a mental health ward during [a] World Cup campaign.”

No, it is not well-known and as a matter of fact, I am strongly informed, untrue.

That ain’t the issue.

The issue is firstly, someone not remotely qualified in the field offering up, in public, a mental health diagnosis that is not only highly defamatory and false but driven by an antipathy that goes back to club rugby in Sydney in the 1980s.

Secondly, breaching someone else’s privacy in that manner, using their purported mental health status of long ago as part of your attempt to slur another is simply breathtaking. It is appalling, unforgivable, and typical Alan Jones.

They are the words of one who, let’s see ... If I wasn’t wary of a huge defamation payout, I might give a psycho-analytical summation as well, and say it was so appalling it made an offsider be put in a mental institution.

No pride in ‘Respect Round’ idea

Meantime, speaking of the horse guy, I can only imagine that the following quote from him was brain fart, that will quickly dissipate, and no one else at the NRL will take it seriously.

I quote Peter V’landys in the Tele on Wednesday, moving away from the whole notion of a Pride Round and moving instead to a – wait for it – Respect Round.

“What a Respect Round is, is that it respects everyone’s views. We might not agree with them, but we respect them. So if we were going to do anything we were going to do a Respect Round. It wasn’t going to be a Pride Round because then you alienate other people. We pride ourselves on being an inclusive game. To be an inclusive game you have to respect everyone’s view.”

Where do we even start???

The high point of NRL recently, a truly inspiring one, was the 2017 Grand Final when 80,000 fans sang along with Macklemore as he sang the anthem One Love. It wasn’t just a performance, it was a statement from the NRL – “We are modern, we are with it, we are genuinely inclusive, and this game is for everyone – bar homophobic Neanderthal morons.”

And now, in 2023? #Breaking. We have a new statement from the NRL: actually, we respect the view of the homophobic Neanderthal morons, too.

What is the point, Peter? It is a completely backward move, and nonsensical.

New stadium fell flat on Elton’s big night

TFF went to the Elton John concert at the new Sydney Stadium a few weeks ago, my first time at the new venue. Can I state the bleeding obvious? It’s a lot like the old stadium, yes? Same architectural firm, came up with a very similar, albeit improved design. Better egress, for one. But the look and the feel of the whole thing was much the same, bar one thing. The acoustics, at least for this concert, were not as good.

Elton John performs at Allianz Stadium in Sydney.Credit: Getty

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WHAT THEY SAID

Simon Katich, revisiting his famous blue in the Australian dressing room with Michael Clarke: “The hardest part about the whole affair was that it took me a month to get the fake tan off my hand.” Ouch.

Western Bulldogs midfielder Bailey Smith on Instagram, on January 25, declining to be mealy-mouthed on when Australia Day should be celebrated, calling on his 355,000 followers to “be mindful of how you are spending tomorrow and show empathy towards our First Nations people.” Oh, and one more thing: “Change the f***ing date.”

Andrey Rublev after one of his Australian Open matches: “[Tennis is] not a rollercoaster, it’s like they put a gun to your head. I think a rollercoaster is a lot easier, man.”

Eddie Jones on his return to the Wallabies: “I’m not the messiah. We’re all in this together – sometimes you need somebody to beat the drum to make you walk a bit faster.”

Eddie wants to introduce Digger spirit: “I think what always ties Australians together is that Digger spirit, that is fighting for each other. And the question now is; how do you make that spirit relevant in a more diverse Australian society?”

A bill was introduced in Oregon not to sell sporting products made from kangaroo and Democratic Oregon Senator Floyd Prozanski didn’t hold back: “It’s unconscionable that millions of native wild animals in Australia have been killed for the sake of high-end soccer cleats worn by a subset of elite soccer players.” I know. But his heart is in the right place.

Novak Djokovic on his 10th Australian Open title: “This probably is the, I would say, biggest victory of my life.”

Kyle Chalmers still troubled by a poolside interview with Giaan Rooney where she brought up that his opponent Cody Simpson was dating his ex: “It kind of sucked that someone I’d had quite a lot to do with in my time dove into that. I think for me, I won’t stop and speak to Giaan or speak on pool deck now because I pay to race in that event.” Nup. It was the talking point of the time, and it was her job to at least raise it, even if you previously had Christmas lunch together.

Aryna Sabalenka after bouncing back from disappointments to win the Australian Open: “I think it’s even more enjoyable, I would say, after all those tough matches [in the past] ... I actually feel happy that I lost those matches, so I can be a different player and just a different Aryna, you know?”

Tom Brady, 45, with his latest retirement announcement:“Good morning guys. I’ll get to the point right away. I’m retiring, for good. I know the process was a pretty big deal last time, so when I woke up this morning I figured I’d just press record and let you guys know first.”

Craig Foster, replying to news that Saudi Arabia is sponsoring the 2023 World Cup: “Acceptance of Saudi sponsorship without acknowledgement of the accompanying human rights abuses is typical of FIFA and global sport right now and disgraceful in the extreme.”

Graham Arnold on re-signing with the Socceroos: “I love Australia and I love Australian football ... I bleed green and gold.”

This line, from Tom Jones’ famous hit Delilah, has seen the song banned by the Welsh Rugby Union at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium: “I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door; she stood there laughing, I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more.”

TEAM OF THE WEEK

Sam Kerr. Scored a hat-trick for Chelsea in the FA Cup.

Beth Mooney. Won her second Belinda Clark Award as top Aussie female cricketer of the year.

Jordan Mailata. The 165kg Australian offensive tackle, once a lower-grade Souths player, starred as the Philadelphia Eagles won through to play the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl.

Australian Open. Generally, I love it, and you love it, but that was the dullest one in living memory, with Novak Djokovic cruising through to his 10th AO title and 22nd major, all on one hamstring, and losing only one set in his seven matches – and that one was a tiebreak.

Harry Souttar. The breakout star of the Socceroos during the last World Cup has just transferred to Leicester City as the most expensive Australian soccer transfer ever, weighing in at $23 million.

Jason Kubler and Rinky Hijikata. The Australians combined to win the Australian Open doubles, in their first event together.

RIP. Phil Coles. The Olympic canoeist and IOC member, who was once a rival to John Coates for influence in the AOC, passed away at age 91.

@Peter_Fitz [e-mail]

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