I couldn’t care less if an Olympian buys cocaine – but if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes

Paris: The problem with starring in your own episode of Banged Up Abroad when you’re an Olympic athlete isn’t that you’re going to spend an entire night and then day in police custody, nor that you wonder if you might rot in a French jail, nor that your Hockeyroos partner might not talk to you for the foreseeable future.

It’s the way you’ve shifted the warm and fuzzy focus from the country that you’re supposedly representing.

Australian hockey player Tom Craig, detained by police and feeling the remorse.Credit: @CerfiaFR, Eddie Jim

On Tuesday night, Australia was celebrating 14-year-old skateboarder Arisa Trew winning gold in the women’s park event. She celebrated with some French fries from Maccas.

The following morning, her story had been replaced by that of 28-year-old Kookaburra Tom Craig, a three-time Olympian. He wanted to celebrate by buying cocaine on the street in the Bohemian ninth arrondissement.

As someone who has lived for decades in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, covering rugby league, I am neither shocked nor appalled by Craig’s actions. If he wants to get on the nose negronis post-competition, it’s up to him.

But if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, like the ignominy of dominating the international news cycle for 24 hours and royally annoying your chef de mission, Anna Meares.

Craig was eventually released from a Paris holding cell late on Wednesday afternoon (Paris time) with a warning, received no fine and no criminal record.

“I made a terrible mistake and I take full responsibility for my actions,” he told reporters. “My actions are my own and by no way reflect the values of my family, my teammates, my friends, my sport and the Australian Olympic team. I’ve embarrassed you all. I’m truly sorry.”

Bravo for owning up to his own mistake, but it’s not like he didn’t understand the consequences of what he was doing.

He studied law and international studies at Sydney and Macquarie universities. He’s also been an international hockey player travelling the world, and Europe, for years.

In Tokyo, Kookaburras players celebrating their silver medal were caught sneaking out of the village to buy beer. So, they should have kept their noses clean, so to speak.

Hockey players were also the first into the Olympic Village, and therefore the first briefed on the perils of doing dumb things when competition ends.

The streets of Paris are crowded with three levels of law-enforcement officers.Credit: nna\KCampbell

Then there’s the police. The streets of Paris are crowded with three levels of law enforcement, scouring the scene for baddies and Australian hockey players looking to score a different type of goal.

Certainly, the city is coming alive of a night as athletes finish their competitions and touch their first drop of alcohol in six months.

We’ve a fine history of breaking the law at the Olympics, whether it’s Dawn Fraser flogging flags in Tokyo or athletes sneaking into the basketball in Rio.

Thankfully, just as this Coke-a-burra saga was being put to bed on Wednesday night, 21-year-old skateboarder Keegan Palmer was winning gold in the men’s park, defending his title from Tokyo.

And we were back to feeling warm and fuzzy again.

Row-mance in the eights

There’s an alternative way to overcome the disappointment of not fulfilling your Olympic dream and it doesn’t involve illicit substances.

It’s called love.

Less than 48 hours after a disappointing performance at the Vaires-sur-Marne Nautical Stadium, two members of the coxed men’s eight revealed they were getting married.

Kendall Brodie, the female coxswain, announced via Instagram her engagement to fellow sculler Caleb Antill, who didn’t qualify for the Olympics.

Coxswain Kendall Brodie announced her engagement to fellow sculler Caleb Antill.Credit: Louise Kennerley

About the same time, Jack Hargreaves, also a member of the coxed men’s eight, was announcing his engagement to partner Georgie Gotch.

Now, that’s what you call a Love Boat.

Bol’s patience wears thin

Do you reckon Peter Bol has had enough of the EPO saga that has dogged him for two years?

After finishing seventh in his 800m heat at Stade de France, he was asked further questions about his ongoing battle with the World Anti-Doping Authority, which seems determined to keep smearing his name.

After his A-sample, which indicated elevated levels of the banned substance, was inexplicably leaked to Athletics Australia and the Australia Day Council, Bol was then cleared when his B-sample was deemed inconclusive.

Peter Bol was seventh in his heat of the 800 metres.Credit: Getty Images

In a Court of Arbitration hearing in May involving another athlete, WADA officials challenged the notion of Bol recording a “false positive”.

They also pointed to a screenshot on his phone with information from a former distributor of performance-enhancing drugs, Victor Conte, about how to micro-dose EPO and how to evade drug testers.

Those close to Bol report he’s grown tired of being asked questions about the issue every time he steps on an athletics track anywhere in the world.

“If I wasn’t able to race, they would have banned me a while ago and I’m still here and I’ve got nothing to really answer for,” he said on Wednesday. “I think you guys should be asking them the questions. And they should be answering for those comments.”

Bol faces a tough challenge in replicating his form from Tokyo, where he finished fourth in the final.

He will run in the repêchage on Thursday to keep his Paris dreams alive.

Rinehart’s not playing Monopoly

One of the most persistent rumours bouncing around this past fortnight has been about mining magnate Gina Rinehart buying a hotel in Paris for athletes to stay after leaving the Olympic Village.

If anyone can afford one, it’s Australia’s richest person.

Gina Rinehart hosts a Seine cruise for medal-winners, golden boots and all.Credit: Zoe Samios

You can only imagine her exclusive cruise on the Seine on Monday for Paris medallists cost a small fortune, especially with all those gold boots she asked them to wear.

Rinehart’s spokesperson told us she had fielded several inquiries about Rinehart buying the hotel — but it wasn’t right and that “I would know”.

THE QUOTE

“I just was a bit of a pussy. It happens.” — Australian beach volleyballer Taliqua Clancy’s frank assessment about her service errors in the quarter-final win over the team from Switzerland. Clancy and partner Mariafe Artacho del Solar will play their semi-final on Thursday against Brazil.

THUMBS UP

Wow. What a day for Australia. Matt Wearn defended his Olympic title in the men’s dinghy; Keegan Palmer defended his Olympic title in the men’s skateboard park; the men’s team won the pursuit on the cycling track; and Nina Kennedy won the women’s pole vault. It’s our equal most successful day in Olympic history that pushed us beyond the most gold won at an Olympics with 18.

Matt Wearn, Keegan Palmer, Australia’s men’s pursuit team and Nina Kennedy.Credit: AP/Getty

THUMBS DOWN

The growing hate for US sprinter Noah Lyles from his own country mystifies. “Noah Lyles is my least favourite American. Good morning,” Indianapolis Colts linebacker Zaire Franklin posted on X. Lyles is lippy. Got a lot to say. But he’s never nasty, just caught up in his self-confidence, which I suspect you need if you’re the fastest man in the world. He contests the men’s 200m final.

It’s a big day in Paris for … basketball fans around the world when Serbian Boomer-killer Nikola Jokic tries to take down Team USA in their semi-final at Bercy Arena. “It don’t matter what happened in the first two, it’s about what goes down Thursday night,” said LeBron James, who will play despite copping a poke in the eye against Brazil.

It’s an even bigger day in Paris for … the brave souls diving into the Seine on Thursday morning, Paris time, for the women’s 10km marathon swim. Australia’s hopes rest with Chelsea Gubecka and Moesha Johnson.

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