She’s deaf. He couldn’t sign. That didn’t stop them falling in love

Administrator James Stillone, 35, and model Christine Balaguer, 34, embarked on an international long-distance relationship after meeting on social media in 2017. She’s deaf; he had no sign language.

James Stillone: “Christine worries that because she’s in a relationship with a ­hearing person, deaf people will think I’m ­helping her with her career.”Credit: James Brickwood

James: The first thing that struck me about Christine, honestly? How beautiful she was. I saw her on Instagram: this gorgeous girl, doing [beauty] pageants and stuff. Then I realised, “Oh, she’s deaf. And she’s in Manila.” So I just messaged her: “It’s really brave of you to do what you’re doing.” She wrote back and we started talking. After almost a year, we met in Thailand for 10 days. On Instagram, you think, “Well, how much editing has this person done on their photos?” I met Christine and I was like, “Okay, no editing.”

She’s such an optimistic person – and in her life she’s had a lot not to feel optimistic about. As a baby, she was abandoned by her mother because she was deaf, and raised by a foster mum. They were really poor. When she was little, she took some money – about 50 cents – to buy some food. As punishment, her aunt held Christine’s hand in boiling water. If you look at her left hand now, the skin on her fingers is fused together. The only school she could go to was for kids with learning disabilities, so she didn’t learn to speak and didn’t finish her ­education. She worked at her foster mum’s stall in the wet market – that’s where she got scouted, and started modelling and doing pageants, which are huge in the Philippines. They actually made a TV show about her.

Given her background, it’s amazing the kind of person she is: very courageous and confident. She doesn’t speak or lip-read, but she has no fear. I was inspired by her.

After Thailand, I learnt ASL [American Sign Language]. I’m still not that great – I only use it with Christine and, apparently, I have all her habits, her “accent”. In 2019, I visited her in the Philippines and after that we talked on FaceTime every night: we’d literally go to sleep with FaceTime on. Then she came here [to Sydney] and COVID happened. We extended her holiday visa twice, then applied for a partner visa.

She’s terrified of being poor. She never says no to a potential job. Her modelling agency sends out audition calls you can accept or decline: Christine hits “accept” every single time. I’ll say, “But it’s a speaking part, and you don’t speak”, and she’s like, “I don’t care.”

‘Christine doesn’t speak or lip-read, but she has no fear. I was inspired by her.’

James Stillone

She really wants to be an advocate for deaf people, especially deaf women. She worries that because she’s in a relationship with a ­hearing person, deaf people will think I’m ­helping her with her career, but I very rarely go on a job or interpret for her. The most I do these days is help her with an email.

We don’t have a perfect relationship – who does? She doesn’t like to be teased and she doesn’t like to be told “no”, because she’s had a lot of both in her life. But most of our arguments are about miscommunication: I miss a word when I’m signing or I can’t convey that something’s a joke. Her friends are sometimes like, “Oh, you should learn Auslan [Australian Sign Language].” I’m like, “No, no. ASL is Christine’s first language. That’s what I need to speak.”

James and Christine in Thailand in 2018.

Christine: I was the first deaf person James ever met, although I’ve always had relationships with hearing people. But I never saw a future with them; he was different. He saw my abilities and he accepted me, so it was easy to connect with him. Even so, when we met we still had to sit beside each other and text all our conversations. Then I started to teach him a few words of sign language. It was very basic, just the ABCs, and we had to spell out every single word. But even so, it was really fun, and he didn’t give up. That’s what made me love him: that he accepted me, and that he kept trying to communicate.

In terms of his personality, he is shy – not very confident. Sometimes that does affect our communication. I’ll want to raise something and he’ll say, “Don’t worry about it now; let’s talk about it later.” For me, it’s a very sensitive subject to be told, “Oh, no, later, later.” I don’t want to feel I’m not worthy to talk to. But then he helps me: takes photos or films me for auditions. He’s always telling me to smile! In the past, he’d sometimes interpret for me, even though he’s not really comfortable in the spotlight. One time we were on a job and the communication wasn’t going well, so we were having this sort of argument at the same time as he was interpreting. I think he was a bit sad and embarrassed afterwards. So now I use an app, or my phone, or a professional interpreter. I like the publicity, the attention, and he doesn’t. But that’s okay.

‘I started to teach him a few words of sign language … we had to spell out every single word. It was really fun, and he didn’t give up.’

Christine Balaguer

He loves computer games, and fishing; sometimes I think he doesn’t think about anything else. I try to encourage him to do other stuff – to learn about his family’s business now that his parents are getting older. But I don’t want to force him. I just try to stand up for myself. He cooks, but we have different tastes. There is my Filipino food that I like; he has his Italian food. I do housework, but I say, “Hey, it’s got to be 50-50. I’m not your sister, I’m not your mum. I’m not doing more than that.” So we’re equal that way.

When we’re with my deaf friends, he doesn’t always understand them. He’s very agreeable, though: he’ll just nod his head. I’m the same: I don’t say much with his friends. Sometimes I just sit there and text. So it works both ways. And at home, we always make sure we actually understand each other.

In terms of the future, maybe James thinks about children and marriage. But I’ve got these things in my life: I want to earn money, I want to visit my family, I want to be an advocate for deaf people. That’s my focus right now.

That being said, I’m a Christian and I believe God sent James to me. James isn’t religious, but he accepts that’s what I believe. Like I said, he always tries to see my perspective. He’s a nice person, a good person. We have a normal relationship – and all relationships take work, right? We don’t always accept each other’s opinions, but we keep trying to understand them.

American Sign Language interpreting by Regina Sapko.

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