Qantas might have baggage but at least it’s not asleep at the wheel

Australians are travelling again. On occasion our luggage is even coming with us. But far too often, particularly for those flying with Qantas, the humble suitcase believes we’ve let it rip too soon and prefers to continue social distancing, at least from its owner.

I’m as appalled as the next passenger that our penny-pinching national carrier has outsourced so many jobs. And while that’s no excuse, I wasn’t surprised yesterday to read Alan Joyce’s apology to frequent flyers, whom he clearly feared might become less frequent.

Social distancing should not apply to passengers and their luggage. Credit: James Brickwood

But yesterday I also read about an Ethiopian Airlines flight on which the pilots fell asleep, forgot to land and, according to The Aviation Herald, “were woken by an onboard alarm that began blaring when the plane passed the point of descent and the autopilot disconnected”. Good job they didn’t put it on snooze.

It’s happened more than once recently. In April, the captain of a transatlantic flight also allegedly nodded off while at the controls of Italy’s new national carrier, ITA Airways.

Such alarming stories should placate those passengers inconvenienced by their bags going astray. Commercial aviation has become a mundane miracle, and it’s a compliment to the industry that passengers complain about flight delays and lost luggage.

Airlines rarely make the news for good reasons. Like banks and telcos, we trash them whenever possible. And while they are all worthy of criticism on occasion – particularly when profits are prioritised at the expense of service – I can’t help thinking we are often too quick to condemn those magnificent men and women in their flying machines.

I was flying from Singapore to Sydney when the captain announced a 40-minute delay. This otherwise unremarkable man with stripes on his shoulders was transporting several hundred souls in a class-conscious rocket across oceans and deserts, yet when he announced a minor delay we groaned in unison. We may have been shoved in like sardines, but there was still enough legroom for a knee-jerk reaction.

When we’re jet-lagged, flatulent and fed up with polystyrene food, we sometimes forget the operational intricacies of flying people around the planet. Given the enormity of the task, something will invariably impinge on the perfect trip from A to B – if not a delay, then a seat that won’t recline, a dodgy headset, a leaky loo…

And if you think things are bad in Australia, try flying around Europe’s crowded skies. I once checked in with Alitalia in Rome and the clerk asked straight out: “Are you absolutely sure you want to check in your luggage? We’ve been losing quite a lot lately.” Any wonder they went bust?

On a Ryanair flight from London Stansted, I was sitting in the front row (which on any other airline might sound glamorous) when we pushed back from the gate right on time. But surprise turned to alarm when the passenger beside me pointed out the window and shouted: “Stop! The stairs are still attached!”

Miracles happen.Credit: Patrick Cummins

Cabin crew banged frantically on the cockpit door and the pilots hit the brakes thinking bin Laden was onboard. The forward door was heaved open, the aerobridge pushed clear, and we started over as though nothing had happened. Which it hadn’t. No one even filled out a form.

Waiting at the baggage carousel of some European airports inspires more fear than actually flying there. On one occasion the relief at seeing my suitcase on the rubber serpent turned to horror as I realised the lock was smashed, the case was open and only held together by an improvised combination of sticky tape and occy straps. Closer inspection revealed other people’s personal effects among my own, including a harmonica and a fedora. Had I shared a flight with Bob Dylan?

Some airlines think of everything to counter the potential for fear of flying. Others don’t. I once booked a trip from London to Palermo, paid online, printed my e-ticket and noted my booking reference number was Z75DIE. I am surely the only passenger in the history of aviation to be spooked by his receipt.

On another flight, during take-off from Rome my view was obscured by a spider in my window, clinging to its web, waiting on a passing insect and possibly counting its Frequent Flyer points. Aeroplane windows are airtight for a reason! With the Vatican passing beneath us, it felt like the right time to pray.

The unholy mess at Qantas has damaged the brand and the airline has much to do before passengers hold it in high regard again. Apologies, flight vouchers and lounge invitations are no replacement for cancelled flights and lost luggage. But after winging it in European skies for so long, I still believe Australia’s aviation industry is the safest in the sky and on the ground, and I thank my lucky Jetstars each time I fly here.

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