Out with the basket weavers and in with the Negroni-sucking naysayers

Queensland senator James McGrath recently took a shot at the ABC, suggesting we were a “left-wing jelly of just progressive views”. He also said we don’t broadcast to all Australians but only to “the latte-lickers in those inner-city suburbs”.

I had several problems with "latte-lickers".  I have never licked a latte in my life. I am not a cat.
The correct phrase is, of course, "latte-sipping" or "sippers", and in my travels around the nation, I have found, even as far afield as Queensland, that the latte has roamed well beyond the inner city.

In fact, there is good evidence that some of Australia's earliest espresso machines were imported to Cairns. The sugar-cane fields were crowded with Italians who need a doppio or macchiato or even a latte to keep up productivity.

It's 'late-sipping', senator, not 'latte-licking'.Credit:

So if you want to deliver a slur, an insult to those perceived progressive types of the inner-city suburbs, it's time to update your reference. If you want to bag out the audience of Back Roads, Gardening Australia, Play School and Bluey, at least throw some turmeric into that latte. Or make it a chai. "Chai-chuggers" works well.

I invited the chai-chuggers listening to me on ABC Radio Sydney to invent new insults for themselves and they were most helpful.  Faster than you could quaff your kombucha we had "plankers". This refers to serving of pulled pork sliders and fish tacos on breadboards and other lumps of wood rather than a plate. Before your poke bowl was assembled, we had "almond activators", "groodle-enabling flexitarians", "man-bun-wearing artisan brewers", "keep cuppers", "pinot-swilling parasites", "sourdough sourpusses", "gluten-free, gender-bending fantasists" and "snarky plastic bag recyclers and smashed avo set".

There’s nothing wrong with updating references. "Balmain basket weavers" worked for many years. As did "Champagne socialists". Before that, the catch-all "pinko communist leftie" was very handy. But they’re so 20th century. Get with the program and use "Fair-trade vegan yoga mat carrier", "beardy wierdy almond milk herder", "Rescue-dog-loving, scootering seaweed snacker", or "bicycle Bolshevik".

I love "sockless ankle-flasher". And while we’re with footwear, "Birkenstocked, cousin-shunning e-biker".

As you despair our inner-city wokeness, try hurling "aperol spritz apologists", "Negroni-sucking naysayers", "faux meat morons", "safe-space sycophants", "gin junkies", "nut-juice natterers" or "pale ale pissants".

And if you can string them together, you really get a great effect. "Rainbow-obsessive, kefir-making poodle walkers", "sushi-munching, charcoal-bun-chomping acai activists", "bee-keeping, backyard- chicken-loving muffaletta munchers", "prosecco-tippling, bun-top bean babies", "metal straw-sucking labneh loser".  And a personal favourite: "quinoa Qanda crusader."

That was a tight 20 minutes of contributions from listeners to ABC Radio Sydney, obviously "fixie-cycling, burger-on-a-brioche hip-tards" the lot of them. But always happy to debate ideas about the future of the ABC. And that can happen anywhere in the nation, perhaps over a latte. But if you're in the inner city, please join me in a single-origin cold drop with my breakfast bibimbap.

James Valentine is the presenter of Afternoons on ABC Radio Sydney.