By Jordan Baker
Paul Thijssen’s parents will not be at the inquest into the death of the young woman their son killed.
Perhaps the horror of finding out their son was a killer, followed within hours by his suicide, is too much for them to face again.
Lilie James’ family says she was “vibrant, outgoing and very much loved”.
Lilie James’ parents are expected to be there, though, as warriors for the memory of their daughter.
On Tuesday, the NSW state coroner, Teresa O’Sullivan, will hear details of Thijssen’s deadly attack on James, his 21-year-old former girlfriend and fellow children’s sports coach, in a bathroom next to the gym at his old school.
She will hear about the monstrous lie he told in the hours afterwards, when he sent pleas for help from James’ phone to her parents.
She will hear about how he treated other girlfriends – behaviour that will be dissected by experts in family violence, coercive control and technology-facilitated abuse as authorities try to sift lessons from the tragic, senseless waste of a young life.
Paul Thijssen killed his colleague and former girlfriend Lilie James.Credit: LinkedIn
Lilie James was 21 when she died. She was a water polo coach at St Andrew’s, living with her family in Sydney’s south and studying at university. October 25, 2023, was the last time they saw her. “It was just a normal, normal Wednesday,” her father, Jamie, told 60 Minutes last year.
Thijssen was 23. He was born in The Netherlands, and was the only child of Esther, a business executive, and Stefan, who runs a music festival. He moved with them to Australia between 2015 and 2017, when he became sports captain and prefect at St Andrew’s Cathedral School.
After studying in Holland, he moved back to Australia and met James while working at St Andrew’s as a cricket coach. He had begun a postgraduate education degree, hoping to become a teacher. There were no apprehended violence orders, no history of interaction with police, no official record of his controlling tendencies.
They began dating about five weeks before James died. She didn’t want anything serious – neither, it appeared, did he. “She liked his vibe, he liked her vibe, and, you know, they just didn’t really want to put a label on anything,” one of James’ friends, Kristina Avramis, told 60 Minutes (which is broadcast by Nine, owner of this masthead).
Lilie James with father Jamie, mum Peta, and brother Max.
They parted about a week before she died; everyone thought it was amicable. But at about 7pm that evening, after she had been at work coaching children, James went into the bathroom next to the St Andrew’s gym.
Thijssen followed her. He carried a hammer in his backpack. He left a little while later, alone.
At about 8.30pm, her father received a text from her phone. “Don’t ask why or call please come to the school now and pick me up,” it said. Later, they learnt that the message wasn’t from their daughter; she was already dead. “It was from the monster,” Jamie told 60 Minutes.
Thijssen was quickly identified as the prime suspect in the frenzied, brutal murder. Police found his body two days after James’ death, on rocks at the bottom of a cliff at Vaucluse. His parents did not take his body home.
Lilie James in a staff photo posted on social media by St Andrew’s Cathedral School.Credit: Facebook
They had him cremated, scattered his ashes in Sydney and went back to Holland.
A year later, on the anniversary of James’ death, another former girlfriend of Thijssen’s shared details of his frightening, “obsessive” behaviour, his attempts to control her social media pictures and to keep track of her whereabouts. When they broke up, he punched a tree because he “couldn’t punch the one thing I want to”, she told 60 Minutes.
She twice saw him spying on her through the slats in her fence. “He was unhinged, as if he was in some sort of episode,” she said. “I don’t even know how to explain it. He looked kind of, um, like deranged; almost like something was not right about him.”
The inquest, set down for three days, is into the “manner of death” of both James and Thijssen, who is referred to only by his initials, P.T., on the coroner’s website.
The focus of the second two days will be on issues of coercive control, family violence and technology-facilitated abuse, multiple sources said on condition of anonymity because the information has not been officially released.
If you or anyone you know needs support, you can contact the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 131 114, or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636.
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