‘I just lay in bed and hugged her all night’: When your bestie loses her life partner

Robyn Catinella (left), 47, and Sally Pitt, 46, met at school. While one wanted to be a pilot and the other a surgeon, they both ended up in fashion. They’ve supported each other through the darkest of times with love – and laughter.

Robyn Catinella and Sally Pitt. “I don’t know what I’d do without Sal,” says Catinella. “I don’t know life without Sal.” Credit: James Brickwood

SALLY: We met at school [in Sydney’s east] in year six. Robyn was popular, amazing at sport, and everyone gravitated towards her. She had this great energy and perfect hair – a high ponytail, very shiny; she paid a lot of ­attention to it. I don’t think I even owned a hairdryer.

She wanted to be a pilot and did Air Force Cadets. She said, “It looks good if I try to ­recruit people, can you come along?” She’d have me marching around a field in Mascot. They’d ask us why we wanted to join the Air Force: “Oh well, I’ve always been fascinated …”

We both ended up in fashion [Sally at Armani, then Dior; Robyn with Collette Dinnigan, then her own strategy and PR firm, Catinella]. It’s been great having someone who understands the industry to talk things through with. We both travel to Europe regularly but rarely cross over. When we do travel together, we’re quite different. She’s creative in the chaos of things, whereas I’m more systematic. She’ll go out and I’ll tidy everything up in the hotel room. She’ll come back and say, “Where is everything?” Once I went to help her pack and she wheeled out a suitcase that was still full from a trip the previous summer!

‘One of the things she’s taught me is to never have any regrets. Even in grief, she’s never been a victim.’

Sally Pitt

She knew my ex-husband, Jules, from school days, and her husband was also a Jules – Giulio. The four of us were tight – dinner ­together on Friday nights, holidays together. When Jules left me [12 years ago], Robyn and Giulio’s became a place of comfort. One time, I ran from my house in Balmain over to theirs in Queens Park. I turned up and she said, “Did you just run here?” I said, “I did, actually.” It was hard because they were great friends with Jules, too, but they just wrapped me in love and kept reminding me of who I was – that I was young and likeable with an incredible two-year-old son, Archie. Then I met Dave [my partner of 10 years]. I remember when Robyn and Giulio met him, Giulio said, “You’re going to marry him.” I said, “Don’t be ridiculous; I just met him.” Giulio and Dave became good friends and a new foursome formed.

“She’s [Robyn] creative in the chaos of things, whereas I’m more systematic.”

When Giulio died [in April 2022, in a scooter accident], I was asleep and Dave picked up the phone. He woke me and said, “You need to go to Robyn’s.” I basically moved in until her mum (who was overseas) arrived. That first night, I just lay in bed and hugged her all night. What else can you do? One day, I went home to change and just hopped in the shower and cried. I hadn’t wanted to do that in front of her.

Giulio was the love of her life, and I think she feels privileged to have found that. One of the things she’s taught me is to never have any regrets. Even in grief, she’s never been a victim.

In January, we were both in Paris for work and extended our stay for the weekend. I moved into her hotel and we stayed in, ordered croque-monsieurs and wine and watched Saltburn. She said, “What’s happening to us?” I said, “This is heaven. It doesn’t get any better than this for me.”

Catinella and Pitt at Pitt’s 21st. They both ended up working in fashion, and marrying Pisces called Jules and Giulio.

ROBYN: Sally has this sunshiny energy. There was an instant connection, like we’d known each other forever. It wasn’t until years later that we realised we’d gone to the same playgroup. There’ve been lots of spooky coincidences like that. We both married Juleses, they were both Pisces, they even dressed alike.

I was in Paris for work often so I missed a lot of things, including Giulio’s 50th. They’d call me from parties in the middle of the night, when it was daytime in Paris. Guilio always referred to Sally as his second wife; we’d go to parties and they’d talk for hours and hours.

When Jules left Sal, it was hard. Sal had systematically built this perfect life for herself. Realising the only thing you can control is how you respond to something is confronting. I encouraged her to forgive – not for him but for her.

‘What I thought would be traumatic actually gave me closure. And Sally had my back.’

Robyn Catinella

It was profound watching Sally’s rebirth with Dave. It’s the love she’d deserved her entire life and always wanted. On the day [in January 2020] that they had their son, Alfie, I visited them in hospital. They couldn’t console him so they put him in my arms. I had a track on my phone [The Feather Theme, by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra] that I hadn’t listened to for about 20 years. I put it on and he settled. Sal said, “Oh, my god; that’s what they were playing when I was giving birth.”

We’ve always been each other’s confidantes. She’s got an elephant memory, which is a blessing and a curse; sometimes she remembers things you’d rather she forgot. She’s a really good listener. We’ve always been able to find the light and laughter, even in the dark times.

“There was an instant connection, like we’d known each other forever. It wasn’t until years later that we realised we’d gone to the same playgroup.”

When Giulio died, I called Sally and my ­sister. I didn’t have to ask for anything, Sal just knew what I needed. She came to the morgue and stood at the door while I identified him. Initially, I’d wanted to go on my own, but she said, “No, I’ll come with you, just to be there in case you need me.” What I thought was going to be traumatic actually gave me closure; he looked so regal and at peace. And Sally had my back, literally, standing at the door.

I’ve only recently come to understand the parallels between divorce and death. There isn’t anything you can say that will bring back the husband who has left or has died, but what you can have, through friendship, is hope. It’s the light coming from your friend who can, somehow, still see the light in you.

Giulio and I were meant to go to Wilson Island [Queensland] for our 25th anniversary that November, so Sally came with me instead. I can’t ever remember us having that much time together without distractions. We spent the first day watching sharks circle the island, then, the next day, I said, “Come on, we’re going in.” I love ocean-swimming; she wasn’t so keen. I can get her to do most things but that’s where she draws the line.

I don’t know what I’d do without Sal. I don’t know life without Sal. She’s my soul sister. I’d find and choose her in 100 lifetimes.

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