‘I don’t regret it at all’: Missy Higgins on ending a marriage well

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Missy Higgins. The 40-year-old musician is a five-time ARIA chart-topper and nine-time ARIA winner. Her albums have sold more than 2 million copies.

Missy Higgins: “I’m really grateful that I grew up playing music in the era that I did.”Credit: Cybele Malinowski

RELIGION

A good live show can feel a bit like a religious experience for concertgoers, right? [Laughs] I always wanted to be a cult leader!

So, how do you capture the crowd’s attention and not let any nerves you might be feeling rub off on them? I don’t feel nervous once I’m on stage. I feel very much in control. I figured out a while ago that you have to be in control on stage in order to make everybody else feel like they can let go. Ultimately, that’s what they want when they come to a concert. And yeah, there is a sense of communion that goes on when the whole audience is singing along to your music, and you’re expressing sometimes very painful experiences that you’ve been through and sharing it with all these strangers. There’s something almost spiritual that happens. We all share the pain together – and in doing so, lessen it.

What’s something you used to believe in that you no longer do? Oh, god. Well, I’m going through a real phase at the moment of not being sure whether I believe that relationships can last forever because my marriage of 10 years ended. And there’s a lot of cultural undoing. A long-term relationship equals “success” in our culture – anything to do with longevity equals success. So I’m just trying to figure out what I believe now.

Have you arrived at a different way of looking at the reality that not everything lasts forever? Having come to terms with the fact that our marriage ended, I think we’ve done it really well. We’re still friends, the kids are happy and there’s no fighting or animosity. I do like looking at it, sometimes, with the point of view of, “That was a beautiful, very significant part of my life, and we wouldn’t have the kids if we hadn’t met, and we had some amazing times together.” I wouldn’t take it back and I don’t regret it at all. So I don’t know. Maybe the pain and the heartache were worth it. In fact, I’m sure they were.

MONEY

The music industry has changed so much since you started. How radically have things shifted in terms of the ways musicians make money? I’m really grateful that I grew up playing music in the era that I did. I come from the vintage of people who made money off albums. People don’t make money off albums any more. In fact, most people don’t even make albums. They just release singles. Hardly anyone buys physical albums any more, and the amount of money you get from streaming is negligible. So it’s really live shows that musicians make money from now, as well as merch and getting their songs on TV shows and in movies. It’s a different ball game.

How have you had to pivot to make money as a musician? Oh, I’m in such a great place now. I’m fine financially. I get offers to do festivals every year or two – big touring festivals that pay well – and that sets me up for the whole year. I’ve got a steady and solid enough fan base that they’ll come out and watch whatever I do. It’s such a relief as it felt like a long slog in my 20s. There was so much pressure: “Don’t lose your fan base; don’t lose your fan base.” That was drilled into me from when I was 18. Only in the past few years do I feel as if I can relax a little bit.

Once you’ve got all the essentials covered, what do you like spending money on? Good groceries. Every time I look at my credit card bill, I’m like, “Oh my god, how did I spend $200 at that health food shop?”

BODIES

This story will be published on your 40th birthday … Oh, really?

Yeah! How are you feeling about that milestone? Actually, I don’t feel too bad. I definitely have days when I look in the mirror and go, “Oh my god, you’re getting old. Look at your sagging eyelids. Am I getting a turkey neck?” I see all these young, hot, tight-skinned girls on Instagram and think, “Oh wow, I’m never gonna look like that again.” Then I give myself a pep talk and go, “Shut up. You’re healthy and looking hot for your age” – whatever that means. I’ve always put a lot of importance on fitness, so I’m trying to concentrate more on being healthy and fit than looking younger.

What is your exercise regimen right now? I was really obsessed with F45 Training [specialising in high-intensity group workouts] for a while, and rock-climbing. I’m still obsessed with rock-climbing, but I went a bit too hard and now I’ve got a shoulder injury, so I’ve got my tail between my legs. It’s like, “F---, I can’t quite keep it up like I used to.” My shoulders and my neck are just a bit too injury-prone now.

What’s the worst thing your body has endured? Giving birth, for sure.

What’s the most exhilarating thing you’ve experienced through your body? Rock-climbing up a really steep, high rock face in Yosemite Valley. It took about six hours. That was epic and I love the fact that my body could do that.

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin? I’m pretty comfortable naked. I always just walk around the house naked when I’m alone and there are no kids; I’m just listening to music and enjoying some free time. I don’t have much free time at the moment, so when I have days off, it’s like … [mimes disrobing].

Missy Higgins will perform at the Geelong Arts Centre on August 27 and The Barracks, Sydney, on September 16.

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