‘Did you satisfy her?’ The question Janine Allis’s son wasn’t expecting

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Janine Allis. The 58-year-old founder of Boost Juice is non-executive chairman of Retail Zoo and author of The Accidental Entrepreneur. She has appeared on Shark Tank, Australian Survivor and The Celebrity Apprentice Australia.

“My mum said to me, ‘If you have sex before marriage, no one will marry you.’ Well, I was a single mum …”

RELIGION

What are your main commandments for business? In life and in business, start with the right attitude – because shit will happen every day. You can choose to be a VERB [Victim, Entitled, Rescue, Blame], or you can choose to SOAR [Solutions, Ownership, Accountability, Responsibility]. When things go wrong, instead of just blaming, what’s the solution? Ownership: as soon as you say, “It’s not my fault”, you release all the power to do anything about it. Own your wins, own your losses. Be accountable for the outcome. And take responsibility.

What’s your personal version of heaven? The ocean.

What’s your personal version of hell? Going out to meet new people at an event after 9pm.

Wow, that might surprise some people. Mornings are precious. I get up at 5 o’clock every morning, go for a swim, go for a surf and it’s my happy time. Sleep for me is really, really important. So the thought of going out to an event in the city and having to schmooze people I don’t know, then getting home at 11 o’clock … I don’t drink any more, so urgh. People laugh at me when I say, “If you have dinner with me, make it for five o’clock.”

I love an early dinner. Isn’t it great? It’s good for digestion. And it’s good for sleep.

SEX

What were you told about sex growing up? Absolutely nothing. Actually, that’s not true. My mum said to me, “If you have sex before marriage, no one will marry you.”

What effect does that kind of advice have on you? Well, I was a single mum, so clearly it didn’t work! I had to work it out.

What do you wish you had been told in retrospect? Everything! Explore yourself; know your body; touch yourself everywhere. Enjoy this amazing unit that we happen to live in. Love it and respect yourself. And know that if you’re having sex with someone, it’s not just physical, it’s also emotional.

How did the absence of sex education in your life affect how you talk to your four kids? Oh, I just wanna tell them everything. I went right into this massive detail with my daughter, and she was just mortified. With one of my sons, I turned to him at 16 or 17 and went, “Have you had sex?” and he went, “Yes!” So I asked him: “Did you wear a condom?” And the second thing I asked him – which I can’t believe came out of my mouth – was, “Did you satisfy her?”

What a good question, though. I know! Having been left unsatisfied by many men, I couldn’t cope with my son being selfish! Of course, he went, “Yeah, of course I did.” And I thought, “You wouldn’t know if she was satisfied or not!” I couldn’t cope with my children being selfish lovers.

Is it true that you got your husband to have a vasectomy, only to reverse it? True. When I had my third child, I went, “That’s it, I’m done.” So I sent him for a vasectomy. Then, when I turned 39, I had an epiphany: I really wanted another child. I was in South Korea, he was in Fiji. By the time we got back together, I’d already booked him in for a reversal. Bless him, he actually went for it. Part of the recovery process is that you have to ejaculate, like, three times a day. Like, mate, how good is that? Mind you, I got to a point where I was going, “Honey …” And he’d go, “No, I’m done.” [Laughs]

God, he’d be ejaculating tumbleweeds. Tumbleweeds! Unfortunately, after seven years, it didn’t quite work. So we ended up doing IVF.

What attracted you to him when you met? Energy. Our first kiss … the earth did move. I’ve never experienced such a connection of two souls as when I kissed my husband. Even now, 30 years later, we talk about that first kiss. He was living with me in six weeks, engaged in three months, married in eight months, and I was pregnant with our first child in a year.

What keeps you attracted to him now? Oh, he’s my best friend. We laugh together, we’re active together, we have the same work ethic. And he’s hot.

DEATH

Are you scared by the prospect of death? No, it’s inevitable. I want to live as long and healthfully as I possibly can, until I can’t. I’m really into all the longevity stuff: I take NMNs [nicotinamide mononucleotide], I’m on resveratrol, vitamin D, you name it. I don’t drink. I don’t necessarily want to live forever, but I do wanna live for as long and as well as I can.

What do you think happens afterwards? We reincarnate. This body is just a shell. I do think we come back; that’s why we have to look after this planet.

We’re not doing a great job, are we? How are you feeling about the potential death of the planet right now? Oh, really sad. We’re really stuffing it up. I get frustrated that we’re not doing more quickly enough.

Say it’s your final day on Earth and you get to call the shots on what that day involves. Lead me through it. I’d get up before dawn and go for a surf – hopefully, there would be whales and dolphins. I’d get a decaf dirty chai with almond milk and meet my girlfriends for a chat, then hang out with family and play board games. Afterwards, I’d go for a beautiful walk with my husband. We’d make mad, passionate love, then stay up as late as I can. That would be the one time I’d be happy to stay up late.

Janine Allis will appear on Gordon Ramsay’s Food Stars on Channel 9 and 9Now in 2024.

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