Cutting short shamers down to size

When you’re a short guy, the only thing worse than dating apps (trust me: women don’t search for men under five foot seven) is watching reality TV shows about dating.

There, woman after woman – no matter how brainy or seemingly down to earth – inevitably list tall, dark and handsome men as their dreamboats.

Sometimes they’ll even shudder with relief when paired with a taller man.

“Oh, thank God,” they’ll swoon, as if dodging a bullet. “You’re tall!”

No wonder so many dictators were short – hell, after watching Married at First Sight even I want to invade Russia.

There’s not even any subtlety about height shaming. Women have told me point blank they’d never date someone shorter than them, in the same tone of voice they’d use for dismissing someone with leprosy (not that I’d want to skin-shame anyone).

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in 1998.Credit: AP

Now I have many, many failings – but being short ought to be the least of them.

Yet in a world where it’s now accepted – and rightfully so – that men who criticise women for their appearance are chauvinistic pigs, it’s perfectly fine for women to openly discriminate against short men.

Then again, we are living in a heightist world.

Study after study shows taller men get better jobs and higher pay. In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell wrote that you were more likely to become a CEO if you were tall.

And what do shorter men get? Well, according to an NYU study, they get more housework.

It’s easy to see who drew the short straw.

Even the word “short” is always used as a negative. Short changed, falling short … you never hear of anyone falling tall.

Standing tall is good, but standing short … not so much.

And you don’t hear young guys boasting they’re living extra small, do you? No – they’re livin’ extra large. Never mind they can’t even enunciate the gs at the end of their words.

So to all the short men out there reading this, hear my words: life’s short and so are we.

Rather than squandering our time buying Cuban heels, we need to take a stand – perhaps on a step stool – against the tyranny of height shaming.

Naturally, we’ll start small but our movement shall grow from there. Just not much.

We’ll combat the insidious creep of short shaming in our language by promoting positive small speak. Repeat after me: we’re tiny and terrific! Short and sweet! Diminutive but not defeated!

And the next time you see someone in the pub, don’t greet them by saying “Hey, big guy!”

Instead, subvert heightist language by saying, “Hey, little guy!” in a positive tone – and if they get offended and violent, remember that our lower centre of gravity makes us better at grappling, begging and screaming.

Dan Kaufman is a writer and editor