Ardern's catch of the day: moral support from a good bloke

I have excellent advice for young women at university, perhaps in their second or third year of law or humanities, who see a career in politics ahead of them.

A single woman in search of a seat in Parliament should find herself a househusband. Or equivalent. Do not be distracted by alpha males who want to be chief executives or what US author Michael Lewis termed the Big Swinging Dicks. Especially, avoid those who want to get rich quick or those with burdensome egos.

New Zealand Labour Party leader Jacinda Ardern's partner Clarke Gayford delivers home-cooked food to the media waiting outside their house in Auckland.Credit: Getty

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a pillar of support. Someone who will be happy to pick the kids up after school, make delicious fish sliders in a hurry, campaign by your side with the enthusiasm of Hazel Hawke. Try to avoid the young man in your politics tutorial who wants to be first and loudest.

Jacinda Ardern did not meet Clarke Gayford at university. But her choice of partner made it possible to concentrate on her work uninterrupted. She met a man who was happy to play second fiddle on the political stage while playing first violin to their two-year-old daughter Neve.

He has never once let the story be about him, although stories do appear when Gayford prepares food for reporters waiting at press conferences. For those who don't know, Gayford has a massively successful TV show Fish of the Day, but his main gig is Neve.

That humility is unusual behaviour in a man and I say that lovingly. Men are brought up to believe they are masters of the universe, able to conjure up money and fame by virtue of their self-identified talent. Imagine if Gladys Berejiklian had a partner who loved and honoured her, cooked and cleaned, instead of Dodgy Daryl? Imagine a man who would support her work ethic without any self-interest?

This, of course, is limiting women's choices to something approximating the nuclear family – such as Penny Wong's family set-up – but we have to work with what we've got right now and that's unlikely to change in the next 50 years (we can't all have Amanda Rishworth's husband who was seen wrangling the babies in Parliament House). Politicians with partners are considered to be warmer and stronger with an obvious spouse. Also, remember that the politician's spouse is unpaid labour on the campaign trail, unpaid labour during the terms of Parliament.

Women in political life downplay their partners for obvious reasons. The disruption of the old order scares the old order. As ANU academic Blair Williams puts it, "Women don't want to be seen to be emasculating their partners." Williams reminds me of the belting Julia Gillard got for her hairdresser handbag and her childlessness.

"Male politicians use their families to be seen as more relatable and affable to the electorate but it doesn't work for women," she says. "But Jacinda appears to be bucking the trend."

Jacinda Ardern’s partner Clarke Gayford at the UN in New York, with their daughter Neve. Credit: Getty Images

Jennifer Curtin, New Zealand's leading researcher on gender and political leadership, says Ardern's comprehensive flogging of the Nationals has delivered nearly equal representation in Parliament and the new Labour caucus has 55 per cent women. Labour can govern alone and that will increase pressure on Ardern to promote more women into cabinet. She can be the feminist she wants to be and she has the support of her partner to do that.

Australia has lessons it can learn from Ardern. When more women stand, with partners standing by them, our Parliament will be forced to change its practices. Current parliamentary and party practices privilege men who have stay-at-home partners and, even worse, those men rarely understand the impact of the laws they pass on the majority of the population: women. Witness the most recent budget if you want an example of a document designed by men and cheer-led by women, who say of course it is an inclusive budget because women drive on roads.

How about some politicians taking the advice of the National Foundation for Australian Women? Researcher Janine Dixon of Victoria University put it succinctly: "An increase in expenditure on care services delivers clear economic benefits and helps to alleviate female economic disadvantage. Spending on care services delivers a double dividend: of job creation in the care sector, and positive labour supply impacts for over 900,000 Australians who perform unpaid work caring for the elderly, disabled and children. More than 70 per cent of the labour supply impact benefits women."

Shame our politicians left that out of the budget. There's one way to fix that. Women, stand for Parliament. Bring your partner with you.

Jenna Price is an academic at the University of Technology Sydney and a regular columnist