Rich or poor, everyone worries about money. Here’s how to stop

There’s one thing I keep seeing, no matter the level of wealth: financial fear.

It’s easy to assume that fear is something that plagues those less financially fortunate. Will I make it to the next pay day? Will I have enough savings to see me through an emergency? Will I be able to get out of debt? Will I ever be able to afford a house or retirement?

We assume that this fear is a direct result of lack of money, so we assume that the solution must simply be: more money. Of course, those with more money have no reason to fear, right?

How can you feel good until the numbers are as high as you want?Credit: Simon Letch

However, often this fear doesn’t go away with more money. It just takes on a different form.

At higher levels of wealth, the fear becomes more nuanced. It’s not a fear of missing bills, paying off debt or never being able to afford a reasonable quality of life. The fear becomes quieter. It’s easy to miss because it sounds less obvious.

It’s hidden behind cynicism (“Everyone is out to get your money – you can’t trust anyone”). It’s hidden behind overplanning (“You can never be too careful. Did you hear about that guy who lost everything overnight?” ). It’s hidden behind control (excessive frugality or self-restriction). It’s hidden behind insecurity (“What will the neighbours think of my car?” ).

Impossible as it may seem, your emotional reality does not have to be controlled by your financial reality.

You know what this means? There is no level of wealth that automatically sets you free from financial anxiety. That mental and emotional freedom isn’t guaranteed with a specific net worth.

This can be confronting and liberating to realise – confronting because it can seem almost impossible to disconnect the numbers from the feelings: how can you feel good until the numbers are as high as you want?

But that’s why it’s also liberating. Impossible as it may seem (and it’s certainly easier when you’re not in survival mode), your emotional reality does not have to be controlled by your financial reality.

How do you start to free yourself from financial fear? Here are some strategies that can help you create a more trusting and relaxed relationship with money:

1. Question your “what-ifs”. The hard thing about “what-ifs” is that they often sound quite rational. What if there’s a market crash? What if there’s an unforeseen illness or injury and the medical bills skyrocket? What if you get hacked or scammed? This stuff does happen.

There’s a balance here you need to achieve. There are actions you can take in advance to prepare yourself for the future, but you also have to accept that you can’t control the future.

If you often find yourself getting anxious about future scenarios, take some time to write down all the scenarios you find coming to mind. How probable or realistic is this scenario? Would it be a total wildcard or does it have a reasonable chance of taking place?

Next, think about the reasonable measures that would help reduce your risk exposure. If you already have or are taking reasonable steps (having investments, savings, insurances in place), then are you worried about something that’s actually in your control (the actions you can take), or something that’s not in your control (if or when that future event will occur)?

2. Question what’s underneath your fear. Fear is usually a signal that you don’t feel safe, so how do you create more safety?

The knee-jerk reaction might be to chase more money, but once you get clear on why you don’t feel safe in the first place, you might start to see that money isn’t the solution.

If you’re scared of losing social status or acceptance, maybe the safety you need to create is around your own self-image and confidence. If you’re scared of losing all your wealth overnight in a market crash, potentially a clear investment plan that factors in market risks will help (and if you still don’t feel safe, the financial plan isn’t the problem). If you’re scared of trusting anyone to help with your finances, perhaps you need to work on your ability to trust others.

Often, the financial fear can be a red-herring. Getting honest about what you’re really scared of gives you the chance to address the real issue.

If you are financially stable on paper – you’ve got income stability, maybe a solid savings cushion, and even some investments – yet you’re still constantly anxious about your financial future, it’s time to look beyond the money.

The financial peace of mind you’re looking for won’t come from chasing more but from changing your psychological and emotional relationship with money. This will give you a sense of freedom that no balance sheet alone can provide.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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