It’s true that the holiday season is a time of celebrating the end of another year with loved ones and eating your body weight in shortbread. For many people, it’s also a time of financial strain and relationship pressure.

After all, it’s not a coincidence that lawyers have long referred to January as “divorce month”. December all too often proves the final straw for a relationship. The Australian Bureau of Statistics found the most common month for divorce filings is March, but it’s in January that people tend to get the ball rolling.

In 2024, law firm Slater and Gordon researched the main reasons for divorce in the UK and among the most common reasons – right after adultery and falling out of love – were lack of communication and financial issues.

Both issues can crop up in a relationship at any time, but they can quickly go into overdrive and become a major problem when external factors test you – factors like the month of December. You’re busy with school and social events, buying presents, travelling or having visitors and trying to get everything done at work before wrapping up for the year.

With so much already on our plates, it’s understandable that communicating effectively and managing the household budget can quickly fall by the wayside. Yet keeping those things in check is one of the best Christmas presents you can give yourself and your partner.

If you’re feeling stressed about the weeks ahead and are keen to avoid pushing your relationship to breaking point, you absolutely need to have a proactive conversation. Sure, this is not something most of us look forward to, but it doesn’t have to end in an argument, either.

Going into the conversation, consider how you could do things differently this year to avoid history repeating itself.

The prime consideration before you sit down to talk is to spend some time on your own. Think clearly about what is making you feel stressed, anxious or uneasy, then imagine potential remedies.

Once you know what the specific stressors are, addressing them – and making your partner aware of them – becomes that little bit easier. And importantly, it stops the conversation from turning into a blame game, instead framing a discussion with room for negotiation to come up with a joint plan to benefit both.

The next step is one that every couple should follow when they need to discuss money, and I cannot stress this point enough: set a time to have the conversation.

There is nothing worse than coming home from a long day at work and being met with a serious chat where big feelings were involved that you didn’t know that it was coming. You don’t have to make it a romantic, candle-lit affair (you’re certainly welcome to if that floats your boat), but you do need a heads-up.

With that, you can both think about what you want to say and prepare yourself emotionally (see above). Without that, the chance of it turning into an argument becomes pretty high. And not only will that make you both unhappy, it will also leave the issue unresolved.

When you’re ready to have the conversation, it’s important to remember how you’ve prepared and talk about how you’re feeling, but also the possible solutions.

Let’s say, for example, that your major stress is how much you’re going to spend on presents because in years past you’ve gone over budget, then spent months paying off your credit card or dipping into your emergency fund.

Going into the conversation, consider how you could do things differently to avoid history repeating itself. Perhaps this looks like putting a spending cap on presents, or suggesting a Kris Kringle to cut down from many gifts to only one or two.

Maybe you set a maximum total amount for all presents and set that aside in a specific account to be used as a pool from which to withdraw.

Another critical aspect to this initial conversation is to listen to the other person and their perspective. Sure, this sounds obvious, but many times I’ve heard divorced people say their partner never understood the issues because they either didn’t listen or didn’t consider where they were coming from.

This initial conversation is also a great time to set some rules – the dos and don’ts that will help ease your worries. This could look like: don’t spend more than $500 on presents for the kids or don’t spend more than $200 on a single item without checking in with each other first, but do look online to see if there’s a cheaper version elsewhere to price-match.

Another important agenda item for this initial conversation is organising check-ins. Couples usually have financial check-ins every month or quarter, but unintentional runaway spending most often happens when times are really busy and there’s a lot going on.

That’s why, in December, it’s worth having weekly check-ins to track your budget and also to see how you’re both going. These check-ins don’t have to be a grand affair and can take as little as 10 minutes, but having them in your diary from the outset will help with your anxiety. Importantly, they’re likely to keep you both that little bit more accountable.

Finally, go into the conversation with an end goal. This should be something you mutually agree to work towards, and that the regular check-ins and dos and don’ts will help you work towards.

The end goal could be to not take on any debt this festive season. Perhaps it’s to spend within the agreed budget only, or it might even be more serious than that – to get to the end of the year without incurring resentment or hurt.

Whatever the goal, make sure you have one. Without one, not only are you putting yourself at risk of having a budget blow-out, but you’re also putting yourself at risk of becoming a January statistic.

Victoria Devine is an award-winning retired financial adviser, a bestselling author and host of Australia’s No.1 finance podcast, She’s on the Money. She is also founder and director of Zella Money.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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