When Juliet Haslam, Port Adelaide’s head of women’s football, called Lauren Arnell in early 2022 to ask if she’d want to apply for their inaugural AFLW head coaching position, there was no way for Haslam to know that the retired Brisbane Lions premiership player was going through the hardest time of her life.
But her personal heartache was, in a roundabout way, what led Arnell to accept the job, becoming the first former AFLW player to coach in the elite women’s competition.
Port Adelaide AFLW senior coach Lauren Arnell (right) and partner Lexi Edwards.Credit: Brooke Bowering/Port Adelaide Football Club
Just three weeks before Haslam’s call, Arnell and her partner Lexi Edwards had lost their first confirmed pregnancy when Arnell miscarried.
“I’m not sure if we would have probably made the jump unless that really shit time in our lives had happened,” said Arnell, who had settled in Brisbane with Lexi after the Lions’ premiership win in 2021.
“That was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, my partner and myself. That’s, yeah, I would never want anyone in the world to have to go through that – and unfortunately, so many women do and men.”
The timing of the unsuccessful pregnancy opened the couple up to a change, with Arnell saying: “Well, you can’t plan everything that you want, and this is an opportunity and an opportunity to step forward and try and do something and make a change.”
Port Adelaide coach Lauren Arnell has juggled her wish for a family with her football career.Credit: AFL Photos
That, and the fact that Lexi had family in Adelaide, where she’s from, and the pair’s passion for breaking barriers for women in footy, particularly in coaching, meant Arnell couldn’t say no to the “golden opportunity” presented at Port Adelaide. Lexi is the senior coach of SANFL team Glenelg women’s side.
A big reason Arnell decided to retire as an AFLW player was to start a family with Lexi, through IVF, and when they moved to Adelaide they continued their fertility journey.
Now, a year-and-a-half after the couple’s first miscarriage, Arnell is in the third trimester of her pregnancy – a baby girl – all while coaching Power’s second season in the competition.
Arnell, Carlton’s inaugural women’s captain, leads the team off the field after beating Collingwood in the first ever AFLW match.Credit: Michael Dodge
It’s a big adjustment, but Arnell is accustomed to breaking new ground. She was the inaugural Carlton captain and led the side out for the very first AFLW game in 2017 against Collingwood. She then became the first player to be appointed as a head coach in the system, and is now the first to coach while pregnant.
“It does require a huge investment from myself and my family, and my partner in particular ... It requires a lot of understanding and commitment from the footy club as well, which I’m really grateful to have,” she said, adding that the club always made sure there’s a chair nearby at training, and gets new kits in to accommodate her growing belly.
“At this point in the pregnancy, that means I’m feeling a few kicks in some pretty important moments in meetings ...[But] I feel really fortunate to share it with the group.”
Has the pregnancy impacted her coaching at all?
“Some of my players have told me I’m showing more empathy, which is nice,” she laughed.
“I think the physicality of what I’m going through allows me to be more human, to be honest. And sometimes in the role you set as a senior coach, you want to be as human as you can, and then you try to drive standard at the same time.
“It’s forced me to step back and share the load a bit better … It’s probably just allowed me to soften a bit and step back a little bit on some things and then be able to open up on others.”
She wants to share as much of the pregnancy as possible with her players and still becomes emotional when she reflects about telling them about the baby for the first time after the 20-week scan.
Arnell and Lexi had a surprise wedding at the registry office in Adelaide on Monday, with just their two best friends as their witnesses.
She has learnt through her IVF journey with Lexi that “you don’t necessarily have all the things you want when you want them, and so you never really know what’s going to happen”.
But with that in mind, it’s her every intention to coach next year.
“I’m still figuring out what that’s going to look like … There’s going to be a bit of learning along the way for me too. I guess, if anything, similar to my players, they’re learning in a new environment, and I’m about to learn a lot about my life and how much about to change.”
But for the moment, she’s taking it all in her stride while in the throes of her last trimester, sleep deprivation, discomfort and all.
“Honestly, I just feel really grateful to be where we’re at, and for Lex and I to be at this point. Our nursery is set up and ready to go.”
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