Why devilishly good quarter-finals prove there is no God

There is no God. Let me count the ways.

England – of all teams – are through to the Rugby World Cup semi-finals in Paris next week. And somehow, they have done it without playing any of the world’s top five teams during the tournament so far.

Fiji – the hope of the tournament for rugby romantics – are out, having just failed to beat England in Marseilles. The best match the Flying Fijians played all tournament was against ... Australia a month ago.

Meanwhile, Argentina reached the semi-finals at the expense of Wales, who – it is clear – played their very best rugby against ... Australia, three weeks ago.

Ireland, the Six Nations champions – the best hope for a fresh winner of the World Cup, playing spectacular rugby – are out, having fallen just short against the All Blacks in Paris.

And France, the wonderful hosts of this fabulous tournament, lost by a point to the Springboks in Paris, meaning they are fini.

France’s head coach Fabien Galthie and star halfback Antoine Dupont after the loss to South Africa.Credit: AP

Somehow, when the smoke cleared after this extraordinary weekend, Fiji, Ireland and Wales are heading to the airport, France are heading home, and England – ENGLAND, who just lost to Afghanistan in the Cricket World Cup! – are on their way to the city of lights, closely followed by Argentina, the All Blacks and the Springboks.

Yes, the rugby over the past two days has been thrilling, and bravo to all the teams involved who played above and beyond themselves in great spirit – providing sporting spectacles that were enthralling, right to the last minute. Every match proved the truth of what I claim as – with apologies to Michael Clarke’s penchant for third-person references – the “FitzSimons Theorem of Rugby”: Nothing is more dull than a dull rugby game, but nothing is more thrilling than a great rugby game. And all four of these quarter-finals were great rugby games.

But the absence of God can nevertheless truly be seen in the lack of miracles, just when the entire world of rugby was starting to believe – to BELIEVE, brothers and sisters! – that we were about to actually witness rugby’s answer to Lazarus with a triple-bypass, those visions splendid faded before our eyes.

The pattern of the weekend was set on Saturday night in Paris.

Ardie Savea dives over for a try against Ireland.Credit: Getty

Yes, the All Blacks built a great lead early, but did the Irish blink? They did not. No matter what the New Zealanders did, Ireland held on. With nothing left on the clock, and Ireland trailing 28-24, the denouement was one for the ages.

For Ireland had the ball in hand, and just one chance to win. They had to hold on to it, and get the ball down over the line. And for about three minutes AFTER the 80th minute, and damn nigh on 40 phases, it really seemed possible they were going to do it. They deserved to do it. They went above and beyond what rugby players are meant to be able to do. They took the ball straight into the teeth of one of the most fearsome rugby teams on earth, and didn’t make a mistake through FORTY, juddering, shuddering, contacts. The entire stadium was on its feet, roaring, knowing that if they scored now, it would truly be one of the greatest, and most miraculous, comeback wins ever.

We willed, but the ball spilled ...

It was over. No miracle. No God.

But still the rugby believers, believed!

England’s Ollie Lawrence consoles Fiji’s Waisea Nayacalevu.Credit: AP

For here in Marseilles, Fiji might pull off the miracle we were looking for. And it would take a miracle, for a Fijian team beaten by Portugal last week and who had even struggled against Georgia a fortnight ago, to beat a Six Nations side who were ahead 15-3 after 25 minutes and looked comfortable. But then Fiji decided to do what Fiji do best: instead of playing 15-man rugby, they effectively formed two sevens teams with one dreadlocked captain, and started hurling the ball about with that mix of breathtaking skill and wondrous insouciance which is their trademark. Basketball passes, balls flicked between their legs, no-look passes – they did them all.

Immediately, they were more dangerous to both the opposition and themselves, and the game opened up accordingly, for England to be leading 24-10 with 19 minutes to go. But two fabulous Fiji tries later, it was 24-24, with 10 minutes to go.

Ah, believe!

And even when England nailed a field goal and penalty goal, it was still possible. All that was needed was Fiji to grab a converted try and, if there had been a God, they would have got one. With the crowd on their feet, half of us willed them over the line, only for the non-God to spit in our face.

We willed, the ball spilled.

It was over.

At least, though, France could secure a miracle last-second win against the Boks, after a mighty match with South Africa leading 29-28 and France mounting one last charge at the line, just 30 metres away?

We willed, the ball spilled.

The Boks win. France go home.

It was all fabulous rugby and it went the entire weekend – it just lacked the miracle finish that was there for the taking, but just beyond our reach.

Despite the lack of God though, there just might be something better, as evidenced by the wonderful crowds at this World Cup – and that is, the sheer humanity on display at this tournament.

It is something for this tournament to have brought together 20 teams, speaking 12 languages, from all over the globe, and displaying such bonhomie on the field – with opposing players helping each other up after shattering clashes – and in the stands where flags were waved and chants exchanged, all without rancour.

And it will go on in Paris over the next two weekends, as England take on South Africa, and New Zealand clash with the Pumas, for a spot in the final.

Rugby remains the game they play in heaven, it’s just that there is no God.

Watch all the action from Rugby World Cup 2023 on the Home of Rugby, Stan Sport. Every match streaming ad-free, live and in 4K UHD with replays, mini matches and highlights available on demand.

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