In defence of Miranda Hobbes (and quitting your old life)

If you’re still watching And Just Like That, there’s a good chance you’re disappointed in Miranda Hobbes.

The woman who came to symbolise justifiable cynicism about dating in the late 90s and early 2000s, had, in the last decade, grown in our minds to become not merely Carrie’s North Star, but a fully-fledged protagonist in her own right. A feminist touchstone – one we found more aspirational than a pair of blue satin Manolo Blahniks.

In the reboot, we see Miranda Hobbes quit her corporate job, return to study and struggle to find fulfilment in her marriage.

Yet her character in the most recent chapter has drawn not just anger but exasperation. Hailey Maitland writing for British Vogue asserted that the Ms Hobbes of Sex and the City would no longer recognise herself now. And between her yelping kitchen sex with Che Diaz, her clean dumping of Steve and, just this episode, her own admission that she’s suddenly acting like Meg Ryan, it’s tempting, at first glance, to want to give up on the woman who once proudly termed anything approaching flowery romance as “ick”.

It’s true, Miranda is different. Maybe the Harvard grad doesn’t need to bone up on Ibram X Kendi’s How To Be An Anti-Racist; maybe she was already aware of systemic racism. Then again, maybe not. After all, the only black person Miranda encountered in SATC was her short-term boyfriend, Dr Robert Lees, a man she fetishised by imagining them both as characters in a British soap opera.

But what is it about Miranda that we want her to remain static? Yes, shedding her cynical shell and falling deeply in love with a queer, non-binary person is surprising – even Miranda is surprised. Sure, Che feels a little like a token character and yes, they are deeply unfunny, with a “stand up” consisting mostly of statements rather than jokes. But … can’t Miranda change? Can’t she wake up and choose herself? Carrie cheated, Charlotte cheated – with the gardener no less – before pivoting to choose Harry, a complete departure from her usual romantic entanglements.

Miranda and Che Diaz, a queer, non-binary podcaster and comedian, during the kitchen sex scene.

Maybe Che will break Miranda’s heart. But let’s be honest: Miranda and Steve as a couple were, to use her words, already “dead in the water”. She only wanted Steve when he was with someone else. Then, in Sex and the City the movie, he cheated on her. The reason put forward was because she was no longer sleeping with him. Yet, judging by the outcry for “nice guy” Steve, you would think it was Miranda and not Steve who cheated just four years into their marriage – a marriage in which Miranda was presumably still helping to take care of Steve’s mother, who was deaf and suffered dementia. So, Steve can spare me the speech he made on Thursday’s episode about never taking his ring off!

Are we forgetting that Steve was besties with Aidan? You know the guy Carrie rejected because she couldn’t settle? Maybe the reason Miranda yelled out to Carrie “You’re living in a fantasy!” when Carrie elected to go to Paris with Alexandr Petrovsky was because, deep down, she was a little envious. And doesn’t that make sense? Our harshest critics are often the same ones who are most unhappy with their own lives. This is why friendships break up. People love to complain “You’re not the person I knew” – Yes, that’s life! That’s what should happen! We should change and grow!

Could that be what’s taking place now between viewers and Miranda? Maybe we wanted to see a crotchety, cynical lawyer, still working 18-hour days and coming home to slurp ice-cream with Steve because it makes us feel more comfortable?

Miranda was always the “dad” of the group – pragmatic, critical, opinionated. (Charlotte was obviously the mum). But, as we know, dads tend to soften with age. That guy who yelled at you about your homework is likely to tell you how proud they are of your achievements as an adult. So let her soften, let her mature.

Let’s not forget that Miranda, like all of us, has also just lived through a pandemic. If she decided to get up and quit her old life, can anyone really blame her?

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