Never cruel, never boring: the dating show that rewrites the rules

LOVE ON THE SPECTRUM ★★★★½

There are dating shows. And then there’s Love on the Spectrum, a series (returning here for a second season) that completely rewrites the rulebook on the genre, and creates sensational television in the process.

As an oeuvre, dating shows are widely – and rightly – reviled. But this one – following the ups and downs of a group of twentysomethings, all on the autism spectrum, and all searching for love – is a striking example of how you can put the process on television and at no point exploit or humiliate the participants. On the contrary, this is 100 per cent pure kindness and sweetness – and yet is never, ever boring.

The participants of Love on the Spectrum are a vivid illustration of the many things “autism” means.Credit: ABC

It all starts with a completely charming group of characters: diverse, individual, a vivid illustration of just some of the different things “autism” can mean. These people are as funny as they are insightful. The intelligence – the cut-through – of their observations is sometimes startling and the lack of filter is endlessly entertaining. But this is never cruel. No one is the butt of a joke or there as comic relief. It’s never dour – no one laughs more than the participants themselves, except perhaps their parents – but it’s also never anything less than respectful.

Spectrum is also totally up front about the fact of its artificiality. Although we never see the crew, we hear the producers talking to the participants, sometimes asking questions, sometimes checking in to make sure they’re OK. There’s a relationship counsellor there to lend a hand, and she is great. At the same time it’s clear the participants are driving the process. It’s not unusual for one to turn to the crew mid-date and say, “I’m not coping. Can we stop now?” And things stop, without fuss or fanfare. There are certainly no endless replays of someone throwing their drink or storming off to the loos.

Kassandra on a date in season two of Love on the Spectrum.Credit: ABC

Importantly, these are all people we want to spend time with. We want to get to know them, and we really, really want them to succeed. Which drives home just how unnecessary the tears, tantrums, typecasting and manufactured conflict of other dating shows are. When you’re genuinely invested in the outcome, there is plenty of tension already embedded in the process. We’re on the edge of our seats riding the highs and lows of each date, and there is more thrilling romance in a moment of fleeting, hesitant touch or eye contact than there is in any amount of groping, pashing or dry humping.

This is certainly a show about difference. All these young people are open about the difficulties they have engaging with the world and with other people – and the difficulties other people have with them. But just because for some of them expressing their feelings – or reading other people’s – is tricky, the need for love, companionship, intimacy is as powerful for someone on the spectrum as it is for any neurotypical.

At the end of the day, this is very much a show about all the things about dating that are totally the same, whoever we are: the pre-date butterflies, the fussing over outfits, the terror of rejection, the endless wondering “what if…?” and then, sometimes, that tingling spark of connection. Love on the Spectrum doesn’t just put the “real” back in “reality”. It’s actually far more relatable than just about any other dating show around.

Love on the Spectrum (new season) is on ABC, Tuesday, 8.30pm.

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