Why Hannah Ferguson’s first job instilled in her a level of fear about men

Hannah Ferguson is a writer best known for being the co-founder of Cheek Media. Here, the 26-year-old shares her admiration for her father, what her first job taught her about men and her feelings around marriage.

The women who have been around me for at least five years hold so much knowledge about me, as I do about them.Credit: Franz Bato

My paternal grandfather, Robert, was a petty officer radar plotter in the navy. He also did two tours of Vietnam. He is someone who struggles socially and has low emotional intelligence.

Masculinity has always been a very strict archetype in Australia, and my grandfather grew up in a period where to be emotional was taboo for men. He used alcohol and gambling as a coping mechanism and has had poor relationships as a result.

My dad, Michael, followed in his footsteps into the navy, as both an able seaman and a marine technical propulsion submariner, but he was determined to be a different man and father.

My dad is the life of the party. He has a warm energy that attracts people. He is a hard-working, middle-class man who currently drives trucks from NSW to far north Queensland.

When I was growing up, my parents worked for an international company that leased airfreight containers to ship pharmaceutical drugs. They travelled a lot for work, but when my dad didn’t get a promotion, which would have meant us living in Singapore, they moved to Orange, NSW, where his cousins were from.

My parents struggled to find work, so our family struggled financially. They split up when I was 16. My household for my Higher School Certificate year was very messy and mentally unwell. I worked as hard as I could to be impressive academically, as I equated applause and high marks with self-worth.

My first celebrity crush was Michael Bublé. I was 11 and on a flight with my mum, Philippa, to Melbourne. She asked me to show her the audio system. I was listening to Michael Bublé and was like, “Who is this person?”

I got a scholarship to study law at Queensland University, so I moved to Brisbane. During that time I had a three-year relationship with David, a lovely man who lived on the Gold Coast. It was a really wonderful relationship to be in as a 20-year-old. It was very safe and challenged me emotionally, but by the time we were a few years older, it really wasn’t going anywhere.

My first job was at the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions. What it taught me about the dark side of men is the silence around the true nature of domestic violence and child abuse: that it’s the men closest to us who will commit the worst acts against us. It instilled in me a level of fear about the men I date and their behaviour.

In my book, Taboo, I write that one’s romantic partner isn’t your best friend. My current partner, Coen, an accountant, is one of the most important people in my life. I love him and our relationship is very much about trust, open communication and taking responsibility for our own actions. But to say he is prioritised over my female friends is ridiculous.

The women who have been around me for at least five years hold so much knowledge about me, as I do about them. We care for each other in such deep ways that don’t require sex or intimacy. We do a lot of emotional labour that’s not even understood by men.

Marriage is not important to me at all. I love weddings, but I won’t get married. I don’t want to engage in a religious institution and I don’t want to pay that sort of money; I can barely afford rent. It’s a beautiful celebration of commitment, but it’s just not for me.

Our continued discussion about abortion is less about the actual children and more about power and control of women’s bodies. It’s to exert dominance over women and to try to rebalance the #MeToo movement. A lot of the time, right-wing policies reflect an inability to care for the mothers and children they put on a pedestal before actual childbirth.

Abortion is not used as a form of contraception. I had one a few months ago, and after going through what I did, I absolutely know that is not the case – it was so traumatising.

Taboo (Affirm Press) by Hannah Ferguson is out now.

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