This was published 9 months ago
Sophie Shaw: ‘People have judged me for having many partners since my marriage split’
By Jane Rocca
Sophie Shaw is an author and blogger who is best known for co-founding Cachia Sleepwear. The 33-year-old discusses walking down the aisle with her grandpa and dad, her relationship karma and how her ex-husband supported her sexuality journey.
Credit: Mia Mala
My maternal grandpa, Bruce, is one of my favourite people in the world; he lives a suburb away. I am the youngest of four girls [Kate, six years older, and twins Zoe and Amy, two years older]; when my older sisters were at school, Pa would take care of me while my parents worked. When I got married in 2015, he walked me down the aisle alongside my dad, Robert. I’m no longer married but I have beautiful memories of that moment.
Dad was born in Tasmania, and at the age of 16 he was drafted by the Essendon AFL club and moved to Melbourne. He went on to coach AFL teams and worked in management. For all the pressure he was under, he was always at my netball games and took me to tennis lessons midweek after school.
Dad met my mum, Gayle, when they were high school PE teachers in Essendon. They were married for 35 years and split when I was in my early 20s. Their marriage didn’t survive, but they have 12 grandchildren and are present in our lives.
I saw both my parents unhappy for a long time. My sisters had moved out and I was home alone with them. Dad always says he’ll never forget the support I showed him when they split.
I always had lots of male friends growing up – my two best friends at high school were male. Mum never had to worry when we all wanted to do sleepovers: it was platonic.
I had my first kiss at 13. I was head over heels. It was my first taste of being in love with a guy, but it was never going anywhere.
I dated a guy in high school for two years until I was 18. He was a true gentleman and treated me so well, but we outgrew each other. I actually treated him badly in the end, thinking I knew best! I met someone afterwards, and he was terrible: karma got me.
I met my husband, Jaryd Cachia, at a party when I was 20 and knew he would father my children one day. What we thought was a hook-up turned into something more. We shared a kiss and he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him and then went to see my friends.
I was about to leave the party when he rushed into the room in front of all my mates and asked for my number again – he hadn’t saved the number in his phone properly. I was embarrassed, but realised he was ballsy to do that in front of everyone.
We had our first child – our son Bobby Mac, now aged nine – three years later. We married in 2015, two years after he was born, and also have a daughter Florence, aged six.
I could have stayed in my marriage and pretended to be happy, but that’s not who I am.
It’s no secret that I went through a self-discovery period around my sexuality and started to fall in love with women. Dad was the first person I told.
Jaryd handled it incredibly well. He is the true epitome of a gentleman with a big heart and was supportive of me. We were always best friends and had always been in each other’s pocket in our marriage. Now we are supportive from afar.
My sexual awareness came out of the blue. I didn’t want to fall out of love with my husband and separate but it was happening whether I liked it or not. I could have stayed in my marriage and pretended to be happy, but that’s not who I am. It wasn’t fair for me or for Jaryd – he deserved 100 per cent of somebody.
Dating women wasn’t scary for me. It was fun. I know some people have judged me for having so many partners since my marriage split, but it’s none of their business.
I did get engaged to a woman, and that ended last year. I didn’t shed tears over it. I learnt a lot about myself in that time, too.
I’m in a great relationship now: calm and low-key. We have been together for a year but I’m keeping this one close to my heart. It’s a reflection of where I am with my mental health, and the most content I’ve been in years. We love doing the same things at home, and she doesn’t want to be on a red carpet or in the spotlight.
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