‘She’s my ride or die’. Why women’s work friendships are different

Fiona O’Riordan chokes up when she is asked what her career as a nurse would have looked like had she never met colleague Ellen Burrows.

“Oh god, I don’t know,” she says, fighting back tears. “Sorry, I don’t know why that question got to me. I’ve never thought about what would have happened if I didn’t meet Ellen. I probably would not have made it through those difficult times on the job, and I most certainly would not have enjoyed my job as much.”

The women met at work on their first day as nursing graduates, both assigned to the intensive care unit at Sydney’s Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. They bonded from the start, and in the eight years since, they have celebrated the highs and lows of their personal and professional lives – weddings, pregnancies, promotions, patient deaths, break-ups and lots of laughs in between.

Nurses Ellen Burrows (left) and Fiona O’Riordan have supported each other through the ups and downs of their careers and personal lives.Credit: Sam Mooy

They are work sisters – that special pairing that can develop between women at work that often spills over into their personal lives.

“She’s my ‘ride or die’,” Burrows, 31, of Bondi Junction says of her friend. “She has done a lot more for me than she realises, getting me through life troubles, like break-ups, but also celebrating with me too, like my wedding last year. And at work she has helped me with things like my interview prep when I got my job as an educator in my unit. She is always a shoulder to cry on, especially in stressful situations, like the death of a patient.”

In a high-pressure job like nursing, a work sister can make all the difference to job satisfaction, but it can also boost workplace performance. KPMG’s inaugural Friends at Work survey found 83 per cent of respondents said a work friendship made them feel more engaged in the workplace.

Dr Zen Goh, a senior lecturer at Monash Business School who has looked into the importance of friendship in the workplace, says men and women use same-sex work relationships in different ways.

“All-female friendships in the workplace seem to form for social and emotional support, whereas men view them more for instrumental or career-related reasons,” she says. “The research is not clear on whether these female friendships directly affect productivity or performance, but they certainly seem to make for a more pleasant work environment as they help women celebrate the good and navigate the bad.”

Bonded female friendships are of paramount importance in the male-dominated trades industries, says Tenille Reilly, the women in trades manager for Busy Sisters, a program that matches female apprentices with female mentors. She says isolation in the workplace for young women in trades – where they can often be the only woman on the job – is one of the main reasons they drop out.

“Isolation in the trades is a huge factor; if you have no emotional support at work you burn out,” Reilly says. “Really special friendships develop between young women in the program and their mentors; they’ll call them on their way home to share a success, or text them a question when they need to, as well as scheduled weekly check-ins.

“Knowing you have another woman to support you when you are the only women on a job can make all the difference in your career.”

A work sister is one of the most special friendships a woman can have, says Elisabeth Shaw, chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW.

“A colleague can really see day-to-day what you’re going through, both at home and at work,” she says. “There’s really no other relationship like it that straddles both areas of your life. At work, you can develop a shared experience that does not even need to be explained because you are both a part of it. And it can also extend to your personal life, like support through pregnancy, managing elderly parents, divorce.

“These sorts of deep female friendships can be really powerful. Having a good woman in your corner who says, ‘I’ve been there, and I’ve got your back’, is absolute gold.”

O’Riordan and Burrows couldn’t agree more.

They admit there have been many moments when they have sought solace in the storeroom to debrief about an angry doctor or difficult family situation, but it’s the funny moments they remember most.

“Ellen is the funniest person I know,” O’Riordan says. “There was this one time at work where a patient only spoke Chinese. We were rushing about trying to find a translator when she just started speaking fluent Mandarin. I was like, ‘where did that come from?’ and even the patient was laughing.

“She’s one of the most special people in my life.”

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