Mend it like a Beckham: What two megastars taught me about marriage

For me, the best bits of the new Netflix documentary series Beckham are when David and Victoria Beckham talk about what a nightmare their marriage was for a while.

“It was the most unhappy I have ever been in my entire life,” says Victoria of the family’s time in Madrid in the early noughties after Becks was accused of having affairs with a string of women, most notably his personal assistant, Rebecca Loos.

David and Victoria Beckham visit Thailand in 2003.Credit: AP

Before their Spanish stint, “we were together, we were connected,” says Posh Spice. But after Loos’ lips sank ships, “we were against each other. It didn’t really feel like we had each other. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard it was and how it affected me.”

Victoria speaks openly about how she “resented” her husband (mindful of him needing to be “focused” on, “I chose to internalise it”), who moved his family to Los Angeles before decamping to Italy to play for AC Milan.

“We’ve just moved from one side of the world for you. I didn’t expect to turn up in LA, have everything perfect, and then he goes, ‘Surprise, I’m going away again.’ I was really upset.”

David and Victoria Beckham attend a Versace Store opening party in London in 1999. The pair became notorious for wearing matching outfits. Credit: Getty

Fascinating stuff. And not for voyeuristic reasons, although I’ll admit my top two reasons for watching Beckham are to revisit the couple’s early matchy-matchy fashion – the leather suits can never be beaten – and to hear what the couple said about the Loos situation. (David skirts around it madly while pretending he isn’t, FYI.)

I loved that they were prepared to share about their unhappiness and resentment, because their revelations about tough times in what is probably my favourite celebrity marriage makes me feel better about what goes on in my own house.

From the outside, it’s mostly looked like the Beckhams were immune from the hard bits of everyday life. Publicly, they’ve always been supportive of each other’s spotlit careers and competing egos. They seem to genuinely love, love, love each other and certainly David squeaks to camera that “Victoria is everything to me”.

Their family of four kids is super close. The boys never seemed to think it was daggy to lug their little sister around. As a crew, they all get a kick out of each other and there’s never been a hint of the teenagers having trouble with the law or the booze or haircuts that would ruin their Insta feeds.

Marrying young, defying expectations you’d flame out, and creating a family is hard.

Sure, having enormous wealth and privilege helps. But when you’re trying to get kids to do homework, and wondering if your wife still loves you, or why the hell your husband is away again so you have to make all the social plans and the dog vomited on the rug, and you forgot to sign the school excursion form and far out, the orthodontist clashes with the netball trials, it doesn’t matter if you’re Victoria Beckham or live in metro Victoria.

At their heart, the problems and frustrations are the same as yours and mine. Disconnection, resentment, feeling unappreciated, invisible, that you’re doing all the heavy lifting. Chuck in the occasional year of boredom, a bit of depression and sugar addiction, and we’d have a lot in common to hash over with the Beckhams at the next book group.

We know Victoria and David have survived the stresses of moving their family to different countries and continents and the pressure of sitting next to Anna Wintour at fashion week front rows. We have to read between the lines if they’ve also survived the grenade of infidelity, but I would admire them even more if they have had to get through that.

I wonder if marriages which have moved forward after affairs, have kept going through shouted accusations and bitter silences and the knowledge someone else infiltrated your cherished relationship, are stronger than those which haven’t faced that awful challenge.

Beckhams, I heart you. Especially you Victoria. Golden Balls, I suspect you married up.

The Beckham clan at the London premiere of the documentary.Credit: Getty

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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