Is there an age when we give up on love?

Looks like another one has hit the dust. And this time, it just might be me.

After decades of believing that romantic love is the essence of life – a magical gift that not only powers a rosy perspective but also generates a kaleidoscope of light that amplifies beauty, hope and connection – today, I’m not so sure.

More than half of single over-50s are content despite the absence of a committed partner.Credit: ISTOCK

I reckon I could comfortably join an ever-growing list of friends who openly say they are done, no longer interested in a romantic relationship whatsoever.

A lot of this has to do with age. I’m now in my 50s, as are most of the people I socialise with, and after some three-odd decades of engaging in mating, dating and relating, my friends and I are over the drama. And the compromise. And the expectations. We are also over the hurt.

Sex, too, no longer holds the power it once did. Yes, it’s still something desirable, but at what cost? For many, the price is just too high when it intrudes on freedom.

At first, I didn’t really believe my friends actually meant they were giving up. I thought, like me, they were just going through a period I like to call “long service”. They just hadn’t met the right person, I rationalised. Or were set in their ways. Or were tired of modern dating. Sex was no longer a priority (my girlfriends have toys they say fixes that need). But to truly give up on love … well, I thought that was an impossibility, like giving up on life.

Sex was no longer a priority. But to truly give up on love … well, I thought that was an impossibility, like giving up on life.

WENDY SQUIRES

It seems I am wrong. A 2023 Australian Seniors report, “Love After 50”, shows almost a third (29 per cent) of single over-50s indicate their single status positively influences their happiness. More than half (55 per cent) of single over-50s are content despite the absence of a committed partner and a similar number (57 per cent) are happy to remain single at this stage in their lives.

Seems singles aren’t the only ones seeing a partner-free existence as preferable, either. More than a third (37 per cent) of 50-pluses in relationships question whether to continue, while a quarter are seriously considering separating or getting divorced. So much for the mythologised fear of dying alone.

I have been contemplating these statistics of late because the other week I, too, found myself saying I am done. Yes, this followed a disappointing (okay, disastrous) dating experience. But this time the sour taste it left has lingered.

At this age, I don’t feel I need to be in a relationship to be happy or content. I have always been independent (my exes might say to a fault), deliriously happy in my own company and blessed with friends who love me mightily, as I do them.

Men in my life loom large, with most of my nearest and dearest being blokes. One is loving and affectionate, while another playfully teases me. Funnily enough, both these men have given up on romance, too. One says his libido has diminished and that has been a gift, meaning he is no longer compelled to find a mate. The other (the joker) simply will not put himself in a position where he will be hurt again. As such, he has sexual partners but never takes things further. And lately, I kind of get it.

Looking around at my close female friends, I also realise nearly all are single. One recently went through a divorce and has never been happier, adamant she will never commit again.

Another who is freshly divorced (seeing a pattern here?) is keen on finding a lover but says she will write in blood, if she needs to, that she will never live with a man nor marry again.

And of my female friends in healthy relationships, all say that should something happen to their current partner, they wouldn’t take up with another. They, too, would be done.

I don’t know if I am ready to close the kitchen on my love life, but I will admit there is a great relief and joy in not feeling the need for one, knowing you will be just fine without. However, only a fool would say never and remain blinkered to potential, whatever that may be.

But I won’t be losing sleep believing something vital is missing. Should love make a return, great. Should it not, well … that’s okay, too. Relationships at this age are the icing on the cake, and my cake is quite sweet enough without.

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