I’m with Prince William – you don’t need to put a ring on it

Prince William and I have something in common. We don’t wear wedding rings, even though we’re married.

Wedding rings are traditionally a declaration to the world that you’re in love, committed and theoretically off the dating apps.

William places a wedding ring on Kate in 2011. The prince prefers not to wear his wedding band. Credit: AP

The other day, William hosted one of King Charles’ royal garden parties at Buck House. More than 8000 people supped on crustless cucumber or egg sandwiches and cakes washed down with tea.

But, on the socials, the take-home was that Wills, who was brandishing an umbrella with his hand on full display, wasn’t wearing a wedding band. Cue unfounded speculation about the state of his marriage and poor Catherine’s health. Haven’t they suffered enough?

Hard-nosed royalists shut it down. Before their April 2011 nuptials, the palace announced that Wills, like his pop Prince Philip, would not be exchanging rings with Catherine. She would add a Welsh gold band to her sapphire and diamond engagement ring, once worn by Princess Diana, but he wouldn’t wear a band.

Their wedding, with 72 million YouTube streams, holds the Guinness Book of World Records for the most live streams for a single event. With millions more watching on other platforms, that’s a lot of witnesses. Isn’t that commitment enough?

Wills isn’t a jewellery wearer and prefers to wear a watch. I’m with him.

Don’t get me wrong. Plenty of us still believe in formalising love, even if we don’t necessarily want to wear a wedding ring. There were 127,161 marriages registered in Australia in 2022, the highest number on record. The uplift was partly due to weddings on hold during the pandemic.

However, at the same time, there were 49,241 divorces granted here, and the median duration of a marriage was 12.8 years. At divorce, the median age had risen from 45.9 in 2021 to 46.7 in 2022 for males, and from 43.0 to 43.7 for females.

As my friends back on the dating market show, or those who have given up on re-partnering: it’s a mixed bag.

But some of my single friends say it’s also an uneven playing field when marrieds don’t wear wedding rings that would otherwise telegraph who is on or off limits.

“The first thing I do when I go into a bar is look for the wedding rings,” says one who is on the lookout for husband No. 2.

“It helps you weed them out.”

She warns that you need to look for the tan marks that indicate someone is most likely taken, having slipped their ring into their pocket.

Another friend, also back on the dating scene, says a bloke came up to her, pointed to the ring on her middle finger and suggested she was married.

Convention dictates that wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. But some cultures wear them on the right hand. So confusing.

My ring-less habit began when I lost my wedding ring for a decade.

I later found it in my favourite pair of Levi 501s that I’d hoped I might squeeze back into. I had done the once-over for stains and $20 notes secreted in pockets when, probing the pointless little pocket at the top-right side of the jeans, I found my wedding ring. Voila!

But the joyful reunion wasn’t enough to change my habits. I’d become mortgaged rather than engaged because nothing says I expect to live a fair chunk of my life with you than a 25-year home loan.

When I finally talked my husband into getting married, I chose a wedding band with a small diamond.

I wore it when I was “going out”, but once I had babies and spent endless hours changing nappies and washing my hands, it lived on the windowsill next to the sink.

Meanwhile, my husband lost his wedding band at the Coffs Harbour Jetty Beach while frolicking with the kids.

Recently, one of my daughters took to wearing my ring, not realising it was my wedding band. I suggested she could at least have waited until I had died.

I’ve been asked why I don’t wear a wedding ring. It’s not about hiding my status, although there have been suggestions that women going for job interviews should take off their rings since they don’t want their marital or family status to come into play.

But it’s clear to me that ring-wearing doesn’t have any bearing on the longevity of your marriage. It’s doubtful that if William were wearing a ring it would be enough to hold off the continuous tabloid speculation about the happiness of his marriage to Catherine.

In any case, if you’ve got a redundant engagement or wedding ring, there is a trend to have them remodelled into a divorce ring. Just don’t ask me what finger you wear that on.

Claire Heaney is a Melbourne writer.

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