How to date when you’re going through a divorce

Going through a separation is nearly always an emotionally draining process, and while some people take solace in the peace of their newfound single life, it may prompt others to seek comfort in a new relationship.

You’re legally free to date during the divorce process in Australia. But just because you can, does that mean you should?

Can you date during a divorce?Credit: iStock

While dating someone won’t directly affect the divorce proceedings, it can have a knock-on effect on other matters such as property settlements, family relationships and your own mental wellbeing.

Is it OK to date while going through a divorce?

Plenty of people start dating before their divorce is final – especially if the process is lengthy. To wit, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who both moved on with (rumoured) new partners during their eight-year divorce.

Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness separated in September 2023 and Jackman has since been linked to actor Sutton Foster.

Furness spoke out about her split from Jackman last week, days after filing for divorce.

“My heart and compassion goes out to everyone who has traversed the traumatic journey of betrayal. It’s a profound wound that cuts deep,” Furness said in a statement.

Furness’ statement highlighted the pain of ending a decades-long union – and the need for moving on with careful consideration.

“Dating too soon can create complications, especially if emotions are still raw,” Relationships Australia NSW chief executive Elisabeth Shaw says.

“Taking a moment to reflect on your intentions and readiness can help you make decisions that are aligned with where you want to be.”

How do you know if you’re ready to date?

There’s no set timeline, but you’re probably ready if you feel at peace with the break-up, have reflected on what you’ve learnt, and aren’t just looking for someone to fill a gap or ease the pain.

“If the idea of meeting someone new feels exciting rather than stressful or reactive, that’s a good sign,” Shaw says. “Trust your gut and take it slowly.”

Should I let my ex know I’m dating?

Being thoughtful about how you navigate new relationships can ease the transition for everyone – especially when there are children involved.

“A little sensitivity can make things less painful all round,” Shaw says. “Letting your ex know you are considering moving towards dating is often valuable.”

Even if you don’t want to reconcile, many find it confronting and painful when they know their partner has met someone else.

“You don’t need to hide your life, but sharing too much too soon, especially online, can inflame an already delicate situation,” Shaw adds.

What are the legal implications?

While getting a coffee won’t be a legal impediment, dating of a more serious nature can hinder divorce negotiations, particularly if the other party feels hurt, or believes the new partner may benefit financially.

“Legally, a new partner may be seen by the court as a ‘financial resource’ if cohabitation begins,” explains Simon Fletcher, a family lawyer with the Separation Guide network.

“This can lead to scrutiny of the new partner’s finances and may impact the court’s assessment of future needs, such as whether the dating party’s financial position has improved.”

How might dating affect the children?

Kids may need time to adjust, and introducing someone new too quickly can leave them feeling confused or anxious.

“It can be useful if you introduce the person as a friend, take open displays of affection slowly, and not force a co-parenting relationship on them,” Shaw says.

“Slowing down, listening to how they’re coping, and being honest in age-appropriate ways can help them feel safe and supported.”

Fletcher says dating is more likely to affect co-parenting dynamics than legal custody, unless the new partner poses a risk to the children.

“Courts focus on the child’s best interests, including emotional stability and safety. Issues often arise around when and how a child is introduced to a parent’s new partner,” Fletcher says.

“Frequent introductions to short-term partners, for instance, may be seen as disruptive to a child’s routine and sense of security.”

How do I respond to friends who think I should ‘get back out there’?

Well-meaning friends may think it is their mission in life to help you find happiness again, but their timeline may well not coincide with yours.

“Taking a break from dating while you work through the separation can give you the space to reflect, grow, and build a stronger sense of self,” Shaw says.

“Waiting doesn’t mean putting your life on hold. It means investing in your own wellbeing and settling the children if needed. If it feels overwhelming, talking it through with a counsellor can help you move forward with confidence.”

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