Does having people over make you anxious? Here’s how to overcome it

I have never been much of a host. Going to other people’s houses is wonderful, but having people over isn’t my forte. Despite being aware of this, I decided to give it another go this year by hosting a gathering for my birthday. But within about two minutes of making that decision, I was already regretting it.

Will my different friend groups get along? What if no one even shows up? These were just a few of the questions swirling around my head as I sent off the invites – something that took me about 24 hours to do, after multiple waves of indecision.

Parties should be all about the fun, so why does hosting them sometimes feel like work?Credit: Compiled by Bethany Rae

Parties should technically be all about the fun, a chance to wind down from the stressors in life. So why can hosting them trigger such anxiety?

Mitchell Howarth, a clinical psychologist who specialises in treating anxiety, says this is usually the result of a combination of three things: a fear of being judged, an expectation for everything to be perfect, and the need to simultaneously manage various tasks.

Though it’s relatively common to become overwhelmed when hosting an event, it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of throwing a total rager (or a tasteful tea, depending on your style). Here’s how to alleviate some of the most common concerns.

When you’re worried no one will show up

It’s about an hour before the event, and you begin receiving the dreaded “something came up” texts. It’s enough to sour anyone’s mood, and can put many people off hosting altogether.

Organising an RSVP ahead of the event could prevent this, says etiquette consultant Jo Hayes. It not only helps you prepare for the amount of food or drinks you need, but can also encourage guests to keep to their word by making an appearance. This could involve something as simple as sending a message to each of your guests specifically asking if they can make it, and then following up with a reminder a few days before the event.

“Even just knowing that your three closest friends or family will be there can calm your fears,” Hayes says. “Perhaps have them arrive early, put the finishing touches on things, and help ease you into the party vibe. Even if no one else comes, your small group will have a good time.”

Further, make it as easy as possible for your guests to attend, says Marcus Prentice, owner of Melbourne’s Feel Good Events. “Be realistic about the time and place of your event. By this, I mean don’t have an outdoor event in winter, as guests are less likely to show up.”

When you’re worried about mixing friendship groups

Your friends aren’t carbon copies of one another, so it’s impossible to guarantee they’ll all hit it off. That being said, Hayes says it’s important to remember it’s not all on you to get people schmoozing. Delegating one or two close contacts, like a sibling or best friend, to help with introductions can alleviate the pressure.

“Provide a brief detail of common interest to kick off conversation like: ‘Peter, I’d like to introduce you to Phil. Phil also enjoys the odd game of golf.’ They might end up hitting the green together the following week.”

Activities or entertainment like karaoke, dancing or games, can also create conversation starters at larger events, Prentice adds. And when in doubt, bring out a grazing platter. You’d be surprised how much there is to say about good cheese.

When you’re worried about cost

If you’re worried about the amount of food or drinks you’ll need for your growing guest list, etiquette expert Amanda King suggests asking people to bring a dish or beverage themselves. A pot-luck not only allows you to cut down on the cost, but can also create a satisfying shared experience for everyone.

Worried about the cost of a dinner party? Consider making it a potluck event.Credit: iStock

When you’re worried people will stay past their welcome

Most people know their limits when hosting an event at their home, so Hayes suggests including an “end time” on the invitation. “For example, indicate it will go from 7pm to 10pm. Most people are polite enough to honour the stated times.”

Beyond that, King says simply offering tea and coffee can indicate it’s nearing home time. And for the stubborn stragglers, subtle non-verbal cues, such as turning music off or clearing away drinks and food, can get them moving.

If all else fails, the old “oh wow, it’s getting late” is usually a winner.

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