Caitlin longed to find her genetic family. What she learnt about her mother was a surprise
In 2016, on a whim, American woman Dani Shapiro submitted her DNA for analysis through a genealogy website. Weeks later she received the results: her “beloved father” was, in fact, not her biological father, a revelation that shook Shapiro to the core.
In her bestselling 2019 memoir, Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love, Shapiro documents her experience opening Pandora’s genealogy box and explores the personal and profound impacts that DNA tests can reveal.
But Shapiro is far from alone, with 2021 figures showing more than 30 million people have submitted their DNA via commercial tests such as 23andMe, AncestryDNA, CircleDNA, GenoPalate and MyHeritage.
Caitlin Leishman (right) enlisted the help of a DNA test and her mother Anne to find her genetic family.
While there are numerous motivations for people to undertake a DNA test – from genealogy, gaining health information, and locating a biological relative, to plain curiosity – the results can often reveal more than anticipated.
“DNA testing is an interesting phenomenon because of the ‘big unknown’ that could be revealed in the results,” says clinical psychologist and author, Dr Rebecca Ray. “Sometimes, unexpected results can bring confusion or emotional distress if they uncover family secrets or challenge personal beliefs, leading to a complex set of feelings.”
And sometimes, Ray adds, the results can have the opposite effect. “The tests can also bring clarity, healing and connection, especially for those searching for identity or lost family members.”
Here’s what happened when three women with very different stories tried a commercial DNA test.
“I had a longing to find my genetic family”: Caitlin Leishman, 18
“I’m double-donor conceived. This means that while my mum was pregnant with me, I am not biologically related to her. When I was born, I had no idea who my genetic parents or family were.
I always had an indescribable longing to find my genetic family. I wanted to know who my father was, and that branch of my family tree, and did not want to wait until I was 18 to see if the sperm bank would connect us.
My mum was always very supportive, and I did the DNA test in 2017 when I was 10.
Watching [my mum] work so hard is one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me, and something I’ll never forget.
Caitlin Leishman, 18
I was excited and nervous. Doing a test that can have such a huge impact on your life is bound to stir up some feelings. This test meant the possibility of finally meeting the people who’ve always been a mystery. My parents. My grandparents. My siblings. My family.
The results didn’t indicate much at first. None of my close family had tested, so there were no immediate results. It took my mum two months of research and genealogy to find them. Watching her work so hard is one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me, and something I’ll never forget.
My mum was able to narrow down my donor dad’s identity, and we also found out that my mum and I are actually very distantly biologically related.
Once we found my father, I felt so relieved, excited and nervous. My mum helped me send a handwritten letter introducing myself; he responded with his own letter.
Over time, we’ve fallen into a routine of calling him, his wife and my grandparents every Christmas, and we’re trying to call for every holiday this year. In 2022, I met him in America, along with the rest of my close biological family.
I also became an advocate for donor-conceived people’s rights and using DNA testing to find the information they should have been able to know from birth.
The test allowed me to validate and discover my identity as a young person. I’m eternally grateful for how DNA testing has impacted my life.”
“I uncovered a few family secrets”: Lyn Kitawal, 54
“I initially did the DNA test out of interest. I’ve always had an interest in Australian history and my own family’s history. But also, at the back of my mind was the fact that the identity of my mum’s great-grandfather was unknown, and there were a couple of rumours about him.
When the price dropped for the tests, I bit the bullet and ordered one.
While I waited for the results, I started building out my family tree using the paper-based tree I had from a year 8 school project – I guess I was excited about the result.
Since testing in 2018, I have uploaded my DNA to various genetic and family history databases, which have disproved the rumours about my maternal ancestor, although I still haven’t been able to confirm his identity.
Lyn Kitawal found a few family secrets, and also dispelled some rumours about her ancestors.
I also uncovered a few family secrets. I found a few ‘new’ relatives and located a couple of my nan’s missing brothers.
DNA has also revealed that one of my paternal great-grandfathers was a bit of a player. I discovered that he had 15 children with three women – his wife and two other married women – over the same time period. Some were even born in the same year. All the women lived in the same town, and the children went to school together and played on the same sports teams.
Doing a DNA test, investigating my matches, and building out my tree have increased my interest in genealogy and family history. As a result, I feel more connected to my ancestors – particularly to one of my great-great-grandmothers.
In January 2023, I went on a ‘genealogy holiday’. I drove more than 5000 kilometres in two weeks. I visited places where my ancestors lived, including this great-great-grandmother. While driving around, I tried to visualise what it would have looked like in the 1880s when she lived there. I couldn’t find exactly where she lived; she owned a block of land near a town that no longer exists. I visited her unmarked grave and put up a temporary grave marker for her and her infant son – they both died after complications during his birth.
Since then, I have been sent a map of the township and the block of land that she owned, so I intend to return and have another go at finding her land.”
“It was my only option to know the truth”: Kayla Richardson-Weaver, 36
“I completed a DNA test at the end of 2020 because I was genuinely curious about my background, having unanswered questions from both sides of my family.
On my father’s side, my great-grandmother was adopted; my grandmother always expressed interest in finding out about her mother’s biological family. We had adoption papers but were never able to get far on those documents alone.
On my mother’s side, I wanted to confirm who my grandfather was as I never had straightforward responses when I would question this. I don’t think even my mother was 100 per cent sure who her father was. When I would ask family members, I was met with ‘weirdness’; the issue was completely shut down.
Doing a DNA test was my only option to know the truth. I was both excited and nervous about receiving the results as I was extremely curious to find out information about my family – and what family secrets or scandals I could potentially uncover.
Kayla Richardson-Weaver says a DNA test was the only way to find the truth about her family’s past.
When I received the results, I was able to confirm who my maternal grandfather was. I found out my grandfather had a younger sister, and they were both removed from an Aboriginal Mission at Yarrabah, in Far North Queensland, and taken to live in Aboriginal boys and girls homes in NSW.
I don’t yet understand why my grandfather was taken to NSW; I still have to go through the process of accessing his records. I have no photos of my grandfather, which I am struggling with.
I also discovered my father was not the eldest child of his own estranged father, which he had assumed. It turns out his father had a child in his teens that we knew nothing about. I was also able to work out who my great-grandmother’s biological parents were.
Unfortunately, my grandmother passed weeks before I was able to join the dots through DNA matches and family trees available via online websites. It was heartbreaking that I wasn’t able to share all this wonderful information with her.
However, it felt satisfying to uncover many truths and to find out who I am.”
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