A waiter is not your servant, and nor are they your best friend. Although you may share a certain period of time together in a restaurant, yours is a professional relationship. You are drawn together by one common aim: for you to have the best time possible.

For that to happen, there are certain rules of engagement, most of which have to do with allowing a hospitality professional to practise their craft without you getting in the way. Some thoughts on this:

Good manners will always win the day. Engage with your waiter right from the start, with direct eye contact. Being nice, saying hello and communicating clearly helps them do their job.

Get your act together. Study the menu and try to put everything you want into one coherent order. Don’t keep changing it or going off-menu just because you’re special.

You may already know what you want, but let them recite the specials anyway. If you don’t know what you want, say something like, “I haven’t been here before. What’s really good?” Or, “Anything special I shouldn’t miss?”

Ask for any extras at the same time – mustard, salt, pepper, a share plate, butter – rather than remembering a new thing each time the last thing is brought to your table.

If your steak is cremated or your hot chips are cold, it’s not your waiter’s fault. But do let them know, clearly and without rancour. Let them help resolve the problem. They are not the problem.

Playing musical chairs (or even tables) makes it difficult for waiters to get the right food to the right people. Why make it more difficult? (Also, closing one’s knife and fork when you’ve finished eating is really helpful.)

Keep the dad jokes to a minimum. When asked if you enjoyed your meal, don’t feel the need to point to your empty, wiped-clean plate and say it was terrible. They may have heard that once or twice before. Yes, your wine has evaporated in the glass, and you need more. So funny.

If you feel like a chat, don’t do it when they have just cleared your table of eight plates, and their arms are aching with the weight.

If your waiter does happen to be offhand, or absent for long periods, read the room. Are there too few staff members looking after too many people? Are they all juniors? Is it a high-stress peak hour and they’re being hammered? The good ones will always make it look easy, but it’s never easy.

Basically, you’re out to have a good time, eat and drink well, pay the bill and go home, and they are there to help you do that.

But a good waiter adds something special – humour, grace, skill, humanity – that can make it sing.