Another Bridget Jones? Rom-com sequels are an abomination

Half of the 10 greatest movies ever to exist are romantic comedies. Film bros and “official” lists might try to convince you otherwise, but they would be wrong. I should know, I’ve been watching rom-coms since before I could even form full sentences (my earliest movie memory is the love story between a landlocked mermaid and her dark-haired dreamboat — yes, I’m talking Splash).

So it pains me to say that half of the 10 worst movies ever to exist are romantic comedies. More specifically, romantic comedy sequels. These follow-ups are frequently forgettable (Splash, Too, who?), or worse, unforgettably horrendous (I won’t name names, except whichever one you’re thinking of, yes, that one). Perhaps that’s because, as a concept, rom-com sequels are an abomination, antithetical to the very genre that birthed them.

Rom-coms exist as escapism. Life is hard, relationships are tricky, and then there are, you know, the horrors. Rom-coms allow us 120 minutes of fantasy and hope. They tend to follow the same basic formula (I mean that as a compliment): two people meet (cute), fall in love despite various obstacles, overcome said obstacles, kiss, and live happily ever after. The last point is an absolute requirement.

Rom-com sequels, technically, take place in that happily ever after. But the thing about happily ever afters is they’re about as narratively interesting as watching someone cut their lawn blade-by-blade with a pair of nail clippers. Stories need conflict, and to have a continuing story we’re suddenly leaving “happily” behind and the couple we watched fall in love are now breaking up or repeating the same old mistakes or gasp even becoming interested in other people.

Sometimes the original love interest isn’t even there — which is the case in the latest Bridget Jones movie, Mad About the Boy, the fourth (!!) film in the franchise. It follows Bridget as she enters the dating world yet again, this time as a widow.

Which means Mark Darcy is dead.

Let me repeat that.

Mark Darcy is dead.

No, it still doesn’t make sense, does it? Who wants to live in a world where Mark “I like you very much, just as you are” Darcy — one of the great modern rom-com heroes, based on the proto rom-com hero, Mr Darcy — is dead?

Not me. Not in my rom-coms.

Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones: I liked her just as she was.

It was bad enough when the first Bridget Jones sequel, 2004’s The Edge of Reason, had Bridget break up with Mark, who likes her very much just as she is, and hook up yet again with Daniel sodding Cleaver, undoing all the growth she’d achieved in the first movie. It was even worse when the third movie, 2016’s Bridget Jones’s Baby, saw Bridget, at her big age of 43, yet again torn between Mark Darcy, who likes her very much just as she is, and some other guy who was nowhere near as worthy.

But now Mark Darcy — WHO LIKES BRIDGET VERY MUCH JUST AS SHE IS — is dead.

Have we not suffered enough?

Listen, I realise I’m at risk of sounding like one of those Star Wars stans who had a big sook about the series suddenly being centred around a girl or whatever their problem was. And I’m all for the argument that if there can be 12 sequels to every superhero movie, we deserve more Bridget Jones, too.

But what we need are spiritual sequels, not literal ones. Just look at Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan following up Joe vs the Volcano with Sleepless in Seattle and then You’ve Got Mail. They built on their chemistry with new characters and got better and better each time. And if Julia Roberts and Richard Gere didn’t quite capture the dizzying heights of Pretty Woman in Runaway Bride, they at least served up a warm and worthy successor.

If the world were just, we would see Renee Zellweger and Colin Firth — hell, even Hugh Grant — in a whole new movie about finding love in your 50s. Also, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone would have made more actual rom-coms after Crazy Stupid Love instead of gangster/sad movies. Zoey Deutch and Glen Powell would have revived their sizzling Set it Up chemistry at least three times over. And Paul Mescal, Dev Patel, Jonathan Bailey, and Manny Jacinto would be up to their ears in rom-com offers.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world. We live in one that, frankly, sucks a lot of the time. This is why we deserve to escape into one where Mark Darcy is alive and well, still standing in the gently-falling snow, kissing an improbably naked Bridget Jones.

That’s an ending I like very much, just as it is.

Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy is in cinemas from February 13.