Should I pretend to worship my boss so I can keep my job?

I work in an area where a manager has developed a cult of personality. They are bombastic, aggressive and delight in attention and adulation. Many people in our area now go to great lengths to show their loyalty, debasing themselves to stay in the manager’s good graces.

The situation has escalated so much in recent times that I now feel one either has to make grand displays of fidelity or become sidelined. Should I just pretend so that I can keep a job I can’t afford to lose?

Would it be tolerable to accept you’ll never be part of an inner circle filled with sycophants and hollowed people?Credit: John Shakespeare

I don’t envy you at all; this is a really difficult situation and I’m sorry to hear you face such a small and unpalatable set of options.

Before we get to the two possibilities you see – humiliating obsequiousness or resignation from a job you need – I wonder if there is any chance of remaining with the organisation but refusing to kiss this tyrant’s ring.

I’m sure if there were opportunities to transfer to a similar job in a different area you would have explored them. But would it be possible to continue working even on the periphery you’ll inevitably be pushed to?

When you say you’ll be sidelined, do you mean that you’ll be made a pariah, or will you be ignored and perhaps left to your own devices? If the latter, does your job allow you to keep doing productive or even rewarding work in a figurative dim corner of the office?

What it sounds like you’re required to do goes way beyond queasy-making pragmatism.

I’m not saying this is a particularly uplifting prospect – it’s always preferable to have friends, or at least amiable acquaintances, at work. But it sounds to me like so many colleagues around you have now succumbed that any sense of camaraderie or collegiality has long gone.

If you really want to stay, would it be tolerable to accept you’ll never be part of an inner circle filled with sycophants and hollowed people?

If that’s either not feasible or not something you want to consider, let’s get to the dilemma: do you “learn to love Big Brother” or do you quit?

With the usual Work Therapy caveat that advising someone to resign from a role is far easier than resigning, I think you should seriously consider finding a new job.

We all do things at work we don’t like. And I’m not just talking about white lies or grinning and bearing minor annoyances. I mean: saying and doing things that run counter to what we believe in just to toe a company line or maintain social stability. What it sounds like you’re required to do with this sun-shines-out-of-my-bum type goes way beyond queasy-making pragmatism.

“Debasing” yourself, as you’ve starkly described it, just to hold on to a job, seems nightmarish to me. And it would be a recurring nightmare, given that this manager will want constant demonstrations of your allegiance.

The only way I could recommend this course of action is if you can find a way to “pretend” that insulates you from the worst feelings of shame, some kind of prophylactic against the corrosion of your spirit. I’m not sure if such a way is possible.

My advice would be to spend as little time thinking about the cult of personality as you can and transferring all of that saved energy into a new job search.

It’s easy when you spend time in a terrible workplace to be overcome by the sense that you’ll never find a way out. If the workplace is particularly bad, you can even begin to feel that you don’t deserve something better. It’s not an easy thing to tell yourself, especially when times are particularly dark, but neither of these things is true.

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