Joe Hildebrand: Why Ezra Mam’s punishment doesn’t pass the plumber test

Have you ever heard someone say: ‘Look, I know Barry got blind, got behind the wheel and ran over that dog. But by God he’s a good plumber? It simply doesn’t happen and it would be a perverse absurdity if it did, writes Joe Hildebrand.

Analysis: Whenever a celebrity or sports star gets in trouble with the law I like to apply something I call the plumber test.

It’s something you hear every time a public figure shocks the world with bad behaviour: Mel Gibson might be a drink driver who beat his ex-girlfriend but he’s an incredible filmmaker. Mike Tyson might be a convicted rapist but he’s an incredible athlete.

Michael Jackson? I don’t know if the stories are true but he’s an incredible musician.

But how often do you hear ordinary working people get such a reprieve?

When have you ever heard someone say: “Look, I know Barry got blind, got behind the wheel and ran over that dog. But by God he’s a good plumber.”

Or typist. Or mechanic. Or hairdresser. Or any other job that doesn’t bring fame and fortune?

It simply doesn’t happen and it would be a perverse absurdity if it did.

Ezra Mam’s punishment? An $850 fine and his license suspended for six months.

This then is the plumber test. Just imagine the exact same scenario but with an ordinary unknown Joe Shmoe at the centre of it instead of a celebrity and see if the public sympathy still checks out.

Now consider the case of Broncos star Ezra Mam, who on Monday learned his fate after a shocking incident in Brisbane in October in which his ute crashed head-on into an Uber, injuring a woman and a four-year-old-girl.

It turned out Mam had “a cocktail of cocaine and other matters” in his system and was also driving while disqualified.

That’s one potentially deadly action and two aggravating factors behind it.

Brisbane Broncos player Ezra Mam tested positive to a roadside drug test and was hospitalised after being involved in a car crash in Brisbane.

His punishment? An $850 fine and his license suspended for six months.

Honestly, he may as well have driven home from the courthouse.

I’m not saying that the bloke should do hard labour but a fine that doesn’t even crack four figures and back on the road next year? The magistrate could’ve at least spared a thought for the state budget.

And now imagine if it was just some ordinary rando who was driving his ute while disqualified and with drugs in his system and crashed into a car and injured a young girl.

And imagine if instead of the celebrity party drug of choice that drug was the low rent scourge of crystal methamphetamine.

Decisions like these just don’t pass the pub test.

But separately and more disturbing still, they don’t pass the plumber test.

Listen to The Real Story with Joe Hildebrand wherever you get your podcasts.

Originally published as Joe Hildebrand: Why Ezra Mam’s punishment doesn’t pass the plumber test