Zach Merrett’s bottom lip trembled sitting at Brad Scott’s dinner table.

The moment had arrived for the Bombers’ captain to tell his senior coach that he wanted to look elsewhere.

For 12 years, the inspirational midfielder and six-time best-and-fairest winner had gone to bed almost every night dreaming about one thing, a red and black premiership.

But after 13-straight losses to finish last season, a horrendous injury run and more player departures, Merrett thought the team success he desperately craved at Tullamarine may finally be out of reach.

So, as he shifted the meat around on his plate in search of the right words, Merrett expressed openly to Scott what he had been feeling in the latter part of the season.

“It was at Brad’s house after he had cooked a nice steak and that was, to be honest, the hardest conversation – or one of the hardest conversations – I have ever had to have in my life,” Merrett recalled this week to the Herald Sun.

“And in some ways I felt like I was letting him down because he had given me my childhood dream of captaining Essendon.

“I felt like I have played my best footy under him.

“So it was a difficult couple of hours at his house. It was raw. I was emotional. We were both upset.

“And I had probably lost a little bit of love and connection I had had for the footy club, and that has been pretty deep.”

Scott was clearly “shocked”, but also sympathetic.

But the coach made it clear in that moment any trade was going to be a long shot.

And Merrett knew it from the outset after re-signing a six-year deal back in 2021 which was topped-up in late 2024 amid a poaching raid from St Kilda.

The Bombers told their skipper they had zero interest in letting go their best player and leader at the most crucial moment of the club’s rebuild under Scott.

So, over the next month or so, Merrett went on the full rollercoaster ride, waking up one morning thinking one thing, only to doubt and second-guess himself only hours later.

His phone buzzed, constantly.

The brilliant ball-winner felt incredibly torn, overwhelmed at times by the attention the story received and was barely able to leave his house, if only to train or grab a coffee.

And it was really only when he was training or kicking the footy often with best mate, Jayden Laverde, that he could get away from the inferno.

So, why did he want to swap Essendon’s colours for the arch enemy’s?

“It wasn’t a loss of faith. I love the club. No matter what happened, I will always love Essendon,” Merrett said.

“It was really like, ‘Do our time frames line-up here?’ Was it better for me to move on to provide the club with the extra draft capital to help set it up?

“I’m a very driven person and after 12 years of not winning a final, knocking on the door of 30 (years old) you do reflect on your own life and career knowing it does not last forever.

“Late in the season I was able to compartmentalise it and perform on the field and still lead as well as I could.

“But, yeah, it got to the point where I wanted to explore it (trade).

“In a way, I feel very humbled that they would much prefer to keep me and keep building a list and a team that succeeds in the next five years.

“I can be part of that and that gives me a lot of confidence.

“So, it was never really a loss of faith.

Every club in the league has won a final since the Bombers’ last tasted September joy 21 years ago, and in the last match of the season Gold Coast belted a depleted Essendon by 95 points up north.

For Merrett, 30, it was all deeply personal.

And it also got messy.

In particular, when Merrett was accused of being disrespectful to the club’s AFLW program.

ROCK BOTTOM

He was finishing some goal kicking in the same indoor area as the AFLW team as part of some training late last season.

On Channel’s 7’s ‘Agenda Setters’ program in mid-September, Merrett was accused of getting in the way, disappointing the Bombers’ women’s team.

“It stung me a lot, to have that quoted,” he said.

“I don’t know if I want to bring it up much more again and give it more oxygen, but that was a pretty dark night that one.

“I was sitting at home on the couch feeling pretty emotional.

“I can always deal with criticism of my footy or my leadership and how I perform or body language or missing a kick.

“But I did feel a little bit in the trade period there were a few things which popped up which were a little bit questionable and, as a general consensus, I think most people picked up on those.

“So there were a couple of bad nights.”

Merrett’s response in the break was to train even harder.

He enlisted a running coach, lost several kilograms, and turned 30 last month looking and feeling like he is in the best shape of his brilliant career.

But in public there was only one thing people wanted to know. Was he out?

“You know it (story) is big and you try to shelter away from it,” Merrett said.

“But it is hard to shelter away when you have got your phone and you are scrolling something or an article pops up.

“It hits your algorithm in your phone and every coffee you go to there is a Herald Sun or an Age sitting there and your photo is on the front or the back page or both.

“So, I was overwhelmed a bit by it, for sure.

“But by and large, the support from the fans has been incredible, whether that was all the messages or seeing people in the street.

“I made a decision for me that I felt was best for me at the time, and I won’t have any regrets when I look back.

“But I also probably didn’t understand the level of gratitude or how big it was for the fans and that part.”

By the last day of the trade period, Merrett and manager Tom Petroro from TGI Sports remained resolute about the switch.

Merrett still wanted to be a Hawk after meeting the club’s top brass at Sam Mitchell’s house.

It was an uneasy night spent deep in enemy territory.

“I had given my heart and soul for 12 years (at Essendon) and all you think about when you go to bed or get up in the morning is holding the cup up,” Merrett said.

“And then you find yourself sitting on the opposition’s coach’s couch.

“You definitely reflect and think ‘How did we get here’?” It was a unique experience”.

But it all fell over.

Essendon stuck to what it said it would do way back at Scott’s dinner table and knocked back a package of three (mid-to-late) first-round picks for him.

That was a hard night for Merrett, too, as his head spun all over again.

How does he walk back into a club he tried to leave? What would teammates think?

ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM

Merrett and his family headed north to Gold Coast for a week with his long-time and world-leading sports performance psychologist, Jonah Oliver, hiring a house within two minutes of his place for some intensive work.

It was the reset he needed, equipping Merrett with the clarity, approach and purpose he needed to move forward with the right frame of mind.

For all the anguish, Merrett feels as excited and engaged as ever.

“It was incredible,” Merrett said.

“We would get a coffee and go for a walk for an hour-and-a-half and just work through everything.

“We made a really clear plan for when I got back to try and attack, yeah, those elephants (in the room).

“But also just to make sure everyone was comfortable around me at the club, and not walking on any eggshells.

“In the end, I knew I was contracted and I knew it (trade) was always going to be very difficult.

“So there is no resentment over that part of it.”

Clearly, there would be some hurdles to jump and maybe a few awkward moments.

But as soon as the trade was rejected the calls and texts of support quickly came flooding in, including from new president Andrew Welsh and list boss Matt Rosa about what was next with the three aces up the club’s sleeve.

Up on Rosa’s white board were four names. Four priority draft targets.

Essendon ended up snaring three of them, including tough ballwinners Sullivan Robey (192cm) and Dyson Sharp (187cm) as well as jet playmaker and speedy half back Jacob Farrow (189cm).

Sam Cumming, who was snapped up by Richmond, was the other one in the mix.

But this was a serious injection of talent, snaring two bigger-bodied midfielders which Merrett said to the club he personally felt they desperately needed.

Essendon’s engine room now has some size. Merrett has some protection.

But off-field there has been a significant shift more broadly at Tullamarine, following a change in president, fitness department and coaching staff.

NEW DAWN

From the top down, Welsh has reinvigorated the club bringing not only a strong vision, but perhaps most importantly a sense of unity.

Plus, Bombers’ premiership hard man Dean Solomon has stepped in not only as an assistant coach, but also a cultural key in the footy department.

And the high performance program has been overhauled in a bid to curtail the devastating run of injuries.

The Bombers will be incredibly young next season, but Merrett has been genuinely excited by the “new energy” he has seen and felt walking back into Essendon.

“There is a sense of freshness, and we are doing a lot more intensity-based chaos-type drills which is where the game has gone to now,” Merrett said.

“I think adding those three (Robey, Farrow and Sharp) and then potentially a couple more (teenagers), there’s going to be 20-25 in that first-to-third year bracket which means we are young, but get amazing opportunities.

“Adding ‘Solly’ has been important, because he is a really good cultural person, a good connector, and there just feels like there is a real freshness at the joint after Andrew taking over and new weights guy (former Brooklyn Nets strength coach David Regan) coming in.

“’Welshy’ has done a terrific job trying to really unite us as quickly as we can, because it gets some energy and urgency in the joint to get back up the ladder.

“For me, it is stimulating just walking back in and things like the warm-up is different, the running is different, and the kicking is different.”

Merrett’s focus is firmly on being in the best shape he can for the first game of the season against the team he tried to join, Hawthorn, at a packed-out MCG.

Now, Merrett isn’t thinking about a trade. He wants the four points. Footy moves fast like that.

“Outside of the boundary line there is a lot of chaos, but on the field I find it very spiritual or, I just feel so calm out there,” Merrett said.

“So for me it’s just really about how do I get back, make a great impression on the boys and make sure they know I am fully committed?

“That’s the way I rock up in shape and train and perform really well.

“We will probably have a few debutants (in round one), so I think we will have a lot of energy.

“Fans are yearning for a bit of success to cling to and I want to play the best footy I can so I can make them really proud.

“Hopefully, these draftees bring a lot of hope and we can harness that talent and try to climb the ladder as quickly as we can.”