Talking Point: Keeping a promise to our dear mum

We cannot delay Tasmanians having the right to die with dignity, write Jacqui Gray and Natalie Gray

LOVE: Jacqui, Diane and Natalie Gray.

I WANT to slip away under my terms and allow my children to have a final goodbye, not to be tortured for weeks of watching me suffer and lose every ounce of dignity I have left. After 11 months of hell and torture, surely I deserve at least this?! Whose body and life is this anyway!?..... I do not want to die. I am dying — Diane Gray, eternally aged 58, 2019.

We want Tasmania to make history by introducing compassionate laws to prevent those suffering from a terminal illness and intolerable pain, just like our Mum, and allow them the right to choose how, where, when and with whom they end their life.

We want to see an end to the slow, torturous and painful deaths that are currently taking place in the absence of these laws.

We want to see Tasmanians given more options at the end of life. We want to see voluntary assisted dying legalised in Tasmania.

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This fight is not about the emotional or mental effect it has on family and friends left behind after the loss of a loved one.

This fight is for every single one of our loved ones, who begged us to set them free of their torture, and who were devastatingly denied due to Tasmania’s current laws.

This fight is for people, like our Mum, Diane, who fought with all her might for 11 months, and so desperately wanted to die in the comfort of her own home, at a time of her choosing, surrounded by beautiful music, burning candles and in the arms of her loved ones.

Unfortunately, the majority of wishes we could not fulfil.

Instead, she was subjected to months of chronic pain and nausea. Ultimately, Mum chose starvation and dehydration to speed up the dying process.

There are so many heartbreaking stories of extreme measures taken to escape the ravishes of disease. Ours is just one of them.

Our mission is to allow all Tasmanians the ability of living fearlessly following a terminal diagnosis.

And above all, it is about unconditional love. Give others the freedom to choose what is right for them in their time of greatest need.

Jacqui, Diane and Natalie Gray.

There is no argument that our palliative care teams are some of the best in the country but, as Mum’s nurses agreed, every human reacts differently to pain and nausea medication and, unfortunately, in some cases illness prevails.

Regardless of the strict around-the-clock medication schedule we had in place, the nausea, vomiting and pain was relentless.

Parliamentary representatives are elected by the community to act on our behalf, so we urge you to do just this.

Discussions around the topics of death and dying are confronting — no one denies this — but these conversations are increasing across the country and indeed the globe. This law has failed three times in Tasmania, most recently in 2017. Victoria was legalised for VAD in 2019 and Western Australia will become legal in mid-2021.

People might argue that now is not the right time for such a debate. We ask you: When is?

Dismissing these topics does not make them go away. While everyday life is on hold for most of us right now, the pain and suffering of a person with a terminal illness continues to progress toward its inevitable fate. We must act now, for them.

MLC Mike Gaffney has conducted more than 50 information forums statewide, to almost 1000 people.

We cannot thank Mike enough for his passion, dedication and ongoing support in bringing this issue to the forefront of people’s minds. Mike will table the Voluntary Assisted Dying Bill in parliament later this year, along with countless personal experiences shared on behalf of other courageous heroes. A parliamentary petition to be tabled by Cassy O’Connor in support of VAD can be found at www.yourchoicetas.com.au. We are determined to see this fight through, a promise we made to our Mum. Our Mum was the epitome of kindness. Her whole world revolved around how she could make others feel appreciated or loved, and her legacy will live on in our pursuit to give Tasmanians the freedom of choice: Your life, your choice.

Jacqui and Natalie Gray are with Your Choice Tas, a campaign advocating for voluntary assisted dying to be legalised in Tasmania as an end-of-life choice.