Talking Point: Because I only want the best for my children

CANDACE HARRINGTON: Transgender people should be treated like everyone else.

BABY: Getting to know you. Picture: ISTOCK

I AM a parent who wants the best for their children.

Two years ago, my youngest child, who was then 14, came to me and said “Mum, I feel like a boy in a female body, and I have felt like this for a very long time.”

Like any parent, I was stunned. I hadn’t noticed this during his early or pre-teen years.

I thought it might be a phase, then my son showed me various articles about transgender people and their lives.

He also began to speak to me about his feelings and why he has been harming himself.

All this helped me understand that this wasn’t a phase.

This is who he is and will always be.

For six months I found it difficult to use his preferred pronouns and his chosen name.

I felt like I was grieving the child I gave birth to and welcoming a child that I was just beginning to get to know.

Then we began the journey of visits to psychotherapists so that he could begin medical transition, as he was already mentally transitioned a long time before.

This has been an 18-month journey so far, and I have learnt so much about my son and the situation for all transgender people.

Throughout this time there were various things that had to be changed so my son could be who he wanted to be, such as our Medicare card and his identity at school, which requires a parent’s signature so he can use his chosen name.

My son wanted to start applying for part-time work. His attitude is that being trans is not going to define who he is, and he should have a normal life like everyone else.

He applied for various jobs, but when it came to identification requirements, which for him meant a birth certificate because he’s too young to drive, he would get very anxious.

He wasn’t sure if or how to explain his situation because his birth certificate says he is female, but he appears to be male.

He felt that if he explained his situation he wouldn’t get the job.

What advice does a parent give a child for this type of situation? The only thing I could do was reassure him that he is who he is and to be proud of it. I told him, we will overcome these obstacles together.

He applied for more than 10 jobs and each time he explained his situation.

Each time he would be visibly upset by this and it was detriment to his mental health.

All he wanted was to be treated like everyone else and not have to explain his situation to prospective employers.

It’s a constant reminder of not being seen as the person he knows he is.

Transgender people should not have to go through a traumatic experience like gender reassignment to be able to change the gender on their birth certificates.

Why should they when, in their hearts, they already know the gender they are?

Besides, some people can’t afford gender reassignment or don’t want to have such a traumatic experience.

In today’s society, we should all have the same opportunities and choices in life.

That includes having your birth certificate tell the truth about who you are.

It’s high time we changed our state’s birth certificate laws so children like mine no longer face discrimination.

Being transgender isn’t a choice and neither is being the parent of a transgender child.

But we can all choose to help and support people who are trans rather than making life harder for them.

In Tasmania, we have a unique opportunity to lead the way in helping people like my son have a full and happy life.

Let’s make this happen for the sake of a more inclusive community where everyone can reach their full potential.

Candace Harrington is the mother of a transgender child, Callum.