#LetHerSpeak: Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound of vindication

Grace Tame has not only cast aside the chains of her own grooming, abuse and gagging, but has likely saved many others from enduring the same ordeal, writes SIMON BEVILACQUA.

THERE are few better examples of why victims of sex abuse should, if they want, be free to speak publicly about their experience than that of the amazing Grace Tame.

For years Grace endured the injustice of her abuser minimising his crime and portraying her as a willing and enthusiastic participant in his despicable predation.

GRACE TAME ‘IS A HERO TO WOMEN, OPPRESSED PEOPLE’

HOW GRACE TAME SECURED THE RIGHT TO SHARE HER STORY

Every caring and loving parent of a teenager knows without a shred of doubt that a 15-year-old is a child, still vulnerable and in need of parental care, guidance and protection.

Every caring, loving parent also knows that a 15-year-old can find the experience of maturing into an adult a painful and difficult process. Many teens are capable one day of acting with incredible maturity, only to act like a five-year-old the next. Maturation is a process.

Teen brains change significantly and are not fully developed. The teen body, from skeletal structure to brain function, undergoes extraordinary transformation.

Even in the best circumstances, teens can develop self-image problems such as eating disorders and phobias. The very notion of self is under construction during the teen years and for some, not all, it can be a torrid time of introspection and critical self-analysis.

Enter the cunning sexual predator and his cold-blooded scheming known as grooming.

One survivor of sexual abuse once told me he felt like he had been selected by his predator because he was so clearly struggling with life. He said he felt like he was isolated by the paedophile like a wolf separating a wounded lamb from the flock.

GRACE TOUCHED BY HEARTFELT REACTION

HOW ABUSER HAUNTED VICTIM’S MUM AT UNI

A paedophile preys on teens by offering acceptance where other adults may fail to be supportive, by providing a shoulder to cry on and displaying the empathy of a confidant, and by treating the child as an adult and an equal.

Little wonder the teen gravitates to them. The predator creates the charade of a safe-haven in the storm of puberty and adolescence, a rare rock in a turbulent world.

Many of the paedophiles who have been exposed publicly in recent years are revealed to have used similar grooming tactics. Survivors I have spoken with find it alarming when they realise this. The orchestration of events by these paedophiles is more reptilian than human in its cold-blooded lack of shame.

Some predators allow their victim to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, swear and act as if they are adults in their company. Where parents and other grown-ups may treat the teen as a child, the paedophile appears by their side, as if by magic, like an adult friend.

This grooming can take months, years, but once the bait is taken and the child’s trust is secured, the predator strikes like a snake, leaving the victim confused and shocked, unsure what happened or how.

They also find themselves alone and unable to speak to anyone about it. I have spoken to survivors who kept their experiences secret for decades. They went through periods of blaming themselves. One told me it was only when he had his own children that his eyes were fully opened to the reprehensible wrong that was committed against him.

Once the veil is lifted, the cold calculation and manipulation of the predator is revealed — he just “happened” to get in the bedroom with the parents’ consent, or just “happened” to be the only person in the building, or just “happened” to be swimming naked that day. It all just “happened”.

But no, none of it just happened.

Most paedophiles meticulously plan their crimes, methodically and artfully constructing long-term plots that can involve ingratiating themselves with parents and adult support groups and assuming a guardian’s role.

They disguise themselves as responsible caring adults so as to ensnare a child, have their way, and then shame, bully or coerce the victim into secrecy and silence.

Perhaps some victims do flirt with their predator, perhaps some enjoy aspects of the grooming, perhaps some experience pleasure and perhaps some agree to meet in private. All these “perhaps” thoughts can plague a victim and cause sexual confusion and anxiety later in life.

It can take years for some to come to terms with the fact that it is only natural for a teen to feel excited by attention and to crave acceptance and affection. It is only reasonable for a child to be vulnerable when the world appears to be crumbling around them.

A child is not to blame because some schmuck shamefully plotted to prey on their vulnerability.

The notion of a teen flirting or appearing willing is entirely misplaced. These innocent acts, if allowed to pass without the cruel interruption and perversion of a predator, are just a part of growing up.

The paedophile steals this innocence from a child and can twist it into a cause of years of anxiety and shame.

CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE RELEASES PRISON MANIFESTO

Some victims hate every aspect of their abuse from the start, and struggle with anger and a sense of defilement. One told me he felt it had not affected him at all. Sex abuse takes many forms and opens a Pandora’s box of reactions.

I admire Grace Tame and hope she gains satisfaction in having helped the world understand and guard against the grooming processes used by paedophiles.

I hope Grace can now get on with her life safe in the knowledge she is a good person with nothing to feel ashamed about and an incredible amount about which to be proud.

Grace has not only cast aside the chains of her own grooming, abuse and gagging, but has likely saved many others from enduring the same ordeal.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound indeed.

– SIMON BEVILACQUA