Kyle Sandilands on complainers, censors and acting your age
Shock jock Kyle Sandilands takes on “dobbers”, “complainers” and “gronks” and insists that as he edges towards 50, he hasn’t changed – the world has.
Stellar
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I only really have one question: what is a day in the life of Kyle Sandilands?
Oh easy: 4.20am alarm goes off. Up, shower turned on because it takes forever for the f*cking hot water to come through in an old house. Quick shave, shower, clothes, drive to work, arrive to work 5.45am. Do the show, pretend that I’m busy for the rest of the day, but really go home, turn my phone off and lay in bed watching Law & Order reruns.
Is that your Jaguar parked outside under the two signs that say “No parking”?
No, that’s Tegan’s [his partner]. Mine’s the Bentley in the space that says “Van parking only”.
How does it feel to be almost 50? Do you know what I mean?
No. All through my teens and my 20s I was obsessed with being old enough to get a car from Avis without having to get my dad’s permission, so once I got to that 25-year age group I was really wanting to get to that. And then after that I never felt older, even now.
It seems kind of unfair that you’re 50.
I agree. How old are you?
I’m 45.
F*ck. You’ve had a hard life.
So are you just going to go on like this forever? Are you ever going to act your age?
Never. No, I like to think that you are who you are. Once you’re in your 40s, you’re done. You ain’t gonna change. The only thing I wanted to do was not become my dad, who stopped evolving fashion-wise at around that age. Even up to his death – I went through his wardrobe and all he had was Rivers and there was nothing in there for me.
Is Kyle Sandilands a person or is he a character – or have you forgotten which is which?
I think that early on in my radio career I was playing more of an announcer character. But now I’ve abandoned all that. They used to tell you in radio, “Even if it’s rainy it’s still a good day, find a positive.” And I thought, “This is bullsh*t. What’s good about it pissing with rain?”
And so I just started being myself and saying, “Oh, this is sh*t.” I’ve been doing that for a good 10 years. Gets me in trouble every now and then…
Now that there’s such a censorious culture and everybody is out there trying to police everyone else’s language…
F*ck. Those. Gronks.
…I feel like you’re the hero Gotham needs right now.
I don’t set out to offend anyone ever, but it’s just my truth or humour, or if I see an opportunity I’ll throw it in there for the lolz. And I think people who listen to the show religiously, which is a lot of people, that’s just what they like. And every now and then a fringe listener will hear something or read something and be outraged.
It’s weird because I’ve never complained, ever. Even if I was at a restaurant and there was sh*t in the food, I still wouldn’t complain. I’m just not a complainer. I’m not a dobber and I’m not a complainer. Although I am a bit of a whinger…
Are you a homebody now?
A hundred per cent. I’ve always liked being at home. It’s not as if I’m scared of going out; I just couldn’t be bothered. I’ve done everything. But when I do go out, I enjoy it more than I think I will.
How do people react to you when you’re out and about? Do people flock around you? I imagine it’s kind of like a video clip.
Wherever I go, no-one’s ever an arsehole – ’cause they’d get bashed.
Because you’ve got six people around you?
No, I’d do the bashing. What’s this guy gonna do? [He points to the smallest member of his entourage.] No, everyone’s super nice. And I like it. People feel like they can say g’day or whatever. They can yell out of the car. It’s great.
Old ladies sometimes come up to me in the supermarket.
You poor thing. I get all the young, hot, cool people. You have to grab a granny. [His entourage pipes up: “He’s very popular among garbagemen, too.”] Garbos love me. It’s a weird group, because it’s like garbos, tradies, coppers, builders and then [well-heeled Sydney suburb] Mosman mums, and everyone in between.
Including teenagers. How do you manage to be 50 years old and still cool?
It’s just the Johnny Depp vibe, man. [His entourage all roar with laughter.] What the f*ck are you guys all laughing at? This is going in the newspaper, man. I bet he writes, “His entourage all roar with laughter.”
Do you think you’ll still be cool when you’re 60?
I don’t even think I’m cool, in all honesty. I don’t ever walk around thinking I’m cool. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror pylon at Myer and that’s not cool. Front-on in the mirror, I think, “Yeah, you’re just hanging on by the skin of your teeth.” But from the side? No good.
Obviously you came from a pretty rough background.
Were you the sort of kid who was lying in the gutter but looking at the stars thinking, “I’m always gonna make it” or would you be unrecognisable to the kid you were growing up?
When I was homeless I was fascinated with radio. I could hear it at night-time when I slept behind the servo. But I never thought that I would be on the radio. I thought that was unobtainable. That’s like being an astronaut. [It] never went on in my mind that I could do that. I just loved it.
But your aunty convinced you…
I had to lie to get the job – just lied. Got it, loved it, killed it. And once I realised I was there, I had to hang on and I thought if I don’t have this job I’m homeless again. And still, to this day, I do think that in the back of my head.
A lot of kids who grew up poor can’t believe that it’s happening and they think “F*ck, this is all going to end” – and obviously if you work on Studio 10 it does end [Hildebrand left the show in 2020 after seven years]…
I stood by you! I said I’d never watch it and I’ve never f*cking watched it!
Do you still have that fear that all this could disappear?
It was only in the past year or two that I realised hey, that’s an unnecessary fear. But I think it’s maybe part of what’s driven me.
I’ve rolled the dice and gone sideways with this blind belief that everything will be OK, but in the back of my head my whole plan is not to live in a cardboard box again. Even if it’s an AVJennings cardboard box.
Do you ever find yourself putting a filter on these days?
No. Never. We’ve hired a censor to beep me out live if I ever say any woke wrongness. And I hate all this bullsh*t. The only people you’re still allowed to take the piss out of is overweight, middle-aged white men. So there you go, no-one’s allowed to be teased except for me.
So what are you going to do for your birthday?
I’m having a party put on for me. It’s a surprise party. It’s on a huge boat and I know everything about it. It’s going to be excellent.
Who are you going to have around?
Me, Tegan, all my friends, all the staff from the radio. Some of my family are coming down from Queensland and they haven’t seen each other for 35 years, and some of them don’t get on that well.
Are they going to have a separate boat?
No, they’re going to be in the middle and everyone’s going to be gathered around watching.
So you’ve got all these business interests and products and staff. There’s a whole Kyle Sandilands machine.
I could still do it all myself, but I’m very lazy. Why should I take the rubbish out when I can get some other bloke to do it?
I’ve got more staff than I know what to do with, but I don’t need any of them. Sorry guys! [His entourage all roar with laughter.]
The Kyle & Jackie O Show is on KIIS 1065 6-10am weekdays.
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